Life’s Tragedy is that we get…

Posted on 30 June 2011 by philosiblog

Life’s Tragedy is that we get old too soon and wise too late. – Benjamin Franklin

"Are you sure you want to do that?"

What does that mean?
To me, it is all too true a statement. We get old faster than we get wise. If only we could become wise sooner and old later. The Tragedy, as Ben puts it, is that for the vast majority of us, age comes before wisdom.

To add to the tragedy, getting old is mandatory (to a certain extent, you can work to be healthy and active, but still…), however wisdom is always optional. There are a great number of aged fools out there, just turn on the TV and you’re bound to see one before the evening is over.

This quote also has a hidden statement, urging us to become wiser at a younger age, and in so doing, ease “Life’s Tragedy.”

Why is wisdom important?
Just think back on your life. How many things can you come up with that you wouldn’t have done if only you had wisdom to know better?

The trick is that in most cases, the result of trying something stupid is the genesis of the wisdom. Kind of a chicken & egg or ‘Catch-22‘ style problem, isn’t it?

Wisdom comes from learning from your mistakes. But it takes years and years to make enough mistakes (and learn the appropriate lessons from them) to become wise.

So the trick is how to get ahead of the curve on wisdom. I’ll leave the “how to get behind on the aging curve” to someone more informed in the healthy lifestyle.

Where can I apply this in my life?
The challenge in beating “Life’s Tragedy” is to gain wisdom more rapidly than would normally be done by trial and error. This concept is not new, and has been dealt with by many over the course of human history.

“By three methods we may learn wisdom: First, by reflection, which is noblest; Second, by imitation, which is easiest; and third by experience, which is the bitterest.” – Confucius

Most of us learn by the third method, the path of Experience. It is not only the bitterest, but the slowest. We might have to make the same mistake a dozen times before we stumble on the correct method, and thereby gain wisdom. It also only works if we stick with a problem long enough to get a favorable result.

Otherwise, we’re like Thomas Edison. He once said “I have not failed. I’ve just found 10,000 ways that won’t work.” I don’t know about you, but I doubt I would have the endurance to do something that many times without giving up.

So much for the path of Experience. It’s functional, but slow, bitter and painful. That leaves us with the paths of Reflection and Imitation as methods to get a head start on wisdom.

The path of Reflection is not the best path for the young, but begins being useful in middle age. Reflection requires the mind to deduce the proper course without actually doing the thing under consideration. This requires a store of knowledge that most of the younger people don’t have.

That said, a younger person could use Reflection to determine the best route down a mountain on a snow board if you were a good snow skier. But it might not work as well if the only skiing you ever did was water skiing.

There are other, more philosophical tasks the Reflection lends itself to, but that also requires a fairly broad base of reading and some experience to be able to do much simply by reflection. That still points past youth towards middle age. I hope that makes sense.

That leaves us with the path of Imitation. This can be anything from watching over the shoulder of a great chess player, to reading books by great chess players, to finding a great chess player to be a coach and work directly with you.

The path of Imitation is the best option for younger people, and it starts shortly after birth. Learning to feed, walk and talk all are done primarily by imitation. Unfortunately for most of us, sometime in our school years, we cut back on imitation and start going on our own (the path of Experience). By middle age, seem to think we are too sophisticated to imitate, unless it is with a trainer or from a book – at least for most of us.

We need to drop our inhibitions and get out there! Ask questions. Work out the answers. Make it your own by repetition. Do it sooner rather than later. The only thing sadder than looking a fool (by asking questions) is actually being one.

From: Twitter, @BrightQuote
confirmed at : http://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/quotes/b/benjaminfr132004.html (complete with “to” instead of “too” … oops!)
Photo by Jinx!

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Tact is the knack of making a point…

Posted on 29 June 2011 by philosiblog

Tact is the knack of making a point without making an enemy. – Isaac Newton

What does that mean?
It means that there are two routes that lead to making a point. One makes the point, but alienates the other person(s), the other does not. The trick is that tact is a social skill, which like any other skill, requires practice to become proficient.

Like any other interpersonal interaction, each person is different, so the playing field is never the same. Flexibility and ability to discern and respond to feedback are key to making your point without annoying the other person.

Why is tact important?
Tact is a form of social lubricant. It reduces friction and helps people interact more smoothly. You can say to your girl that the dress makes her look fat, or you can suggest a different dress (to compliment her eyes, hair, shoes, whatever else you can think of). One way shows a distinct lack of tact, the other shows tact (and in spades if you added the compliment to the comment).

Without tact, it’s hard to make friends, as you are (both figuratively and literally) rubbing them the wrong way. Sir Isaac was quite a bright guy, and this is one of his better contributions to humanity, the laws of motion aside that is.

Where can I apply this in my life?
As an engineer and certified introvert, tact is not my strong suit. I understand the concept and have a passing familiarity with the methods. My problem is that in the engineering world, facts rule. Smart engineers don’t become attached to their ideas, as facts may prove it to be the lesser of the competing ideas. Logic rules, and ego has very little place in my world.

I strive to improve in this aspect of my life. Some of the things I am working on include the usual conscious competence methods, as well as soliciting feedback and pre-framing of the other person.

For conscious competence, I attempt to notice when the other person is showing signs of annoyance or irritation. I also try to remember what the other person’s “hot button” issues are and avoid going there. This is a slow but steady method of learning, provided you can pick up on the other person’s growing annoyance before it is too late. This might not be the best method if you are dealing with a good poker player – one who can hide their emotions well in a card game.

Sometimes, especially when I’m dealing with someone I don’t know or haven’t dealt with before, I ask them to help me with the whole tact issue (soliciting feedback). This way, I hope they will help me learn when I am getting a bit too pushy or overbearing. This method works best with people who have a lot of tact and are of the cooperative spirit. This is best done in a social situation or in a pre-meeting, rather than in a situation where the “game is on the line”, so to speak.

The third method I use is pre-framing. I let them know up front that I’m not very tactful. This warning puts them in a mindset that what I am saying is not designed to irritate them (even if it does), and they will often cut me some slack and go easy on me. It frequently works well with soliciting feedback. This method works fairly well in semi-formal and casual meetings at work, but probably isn’t how you want to start a meeting with a big client.

Note that all three of these methods work well together, and often compliment each-other. Take these tools and add them to your tool box, and mix them in with what has worked for you in the past.

There are a few other ways to learn tact, including a teacher or mentor. I had one in college, and it helped immensely. That said, I still have a long way to go. Besides mentors, you can search the library or the internet for books and videos on the subject. You can also take classes (see below).

If you are young enough, try taking debate as a class. You will get plenty of coaching in the finer points of swaying people without offending them (pretty much the definition of making a point without making an enemy).

For those less youthful, Toastmasters has regular meetings and the members can help you with almost anything related to speaking. Large groups, more intimate settings, tact and so much more can be learned, if you are willing to put forth the time and the effort.

No matter how good at tact we are, we can all stand to improve our tactfulness. We all need to make a point on a regular basis, and we all have too many enemies already. Tact is the best way to go.

From: Twitter, @quotations
confirmed at : http://www.quotationspage.com/quote/29899.html
Photo by archer10 (Dennis)

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Even if you’re on the right track, you’ll get run over if you just sit there.

Posted on 28 June 2011 by philosiblog

Even if you’re on the right track, you’ll get run over if you just sit there. – Will Rogers

Watch out man, the train is a-comin!

What does that mean?
It says you have to actually do something with your life if you want to get somewhere. The expression, by a former cowboy, uses some “western” terms. Being “on the right track” would be the opposite of being “on the wrong track,” which would mean the train could not get to it’s destination. Being “on the right track” means you are in the right place and headed the correct direction to get to your destination.

But if you are just going to sit there, you aren’t going to get anywhere. Worse yet, you will get run over by anyone else who is trying to get to the place you were going to. Just like a train sitting on the tracks goes nowhere if it isn’t moving, the same goes for you, even if you are on the right track. Hope that made sense.

Why is effort important?
Putting forth effort is how things get done. Without effort, all you have are small, random, perturbations which amount to very little. If you want to get something done, if you want to go somewhere, you need to put in some effort.

Getting somewhere (continuing the train analogy) requires two things: a direction and some effort. The train tracks give the direction, but without effort, you just sit there. In rocketry, this is referred as failure to launch. The rocket is pointed skyward (direction) but the engine did not fire (no effort). It’s just sitting there.

Be careful of the opposite, which is high effort but no direction. This is the classic “chicken with it’s head cut off” action, lots of running around, but nothing useful is accomplished (or a rocket with no fins, spinning and going all sorts of directions).

There are two other pairings in this dual dichotomy (four square), the “no direction with no effort” (think of a tree stump) and the one we should be, the “going the right direction, applying effort” sometimes referred to as a person who is “going somewhere”.

Which one of the four do you want to be? If you already have direction, it’s time to put forth some effort, right?

Where can I apply this in my life?
For this post, I am going to presume you are already on the correct track, that you are simply lacking in application of effort. Everyone has different motivations, so I will share some of the things I have found to work in the past, and you may have to experiment to see what works for you. Ready?

For me, effort is preceded by motivation. If I am not motivated, it is much harder to put forth any appreciable level of effort. What motivates a person? For me the list (in no particular order) looks like this:

  • to provide for my family
  • to help others
  • to impress others (show off & prove it to the doubters)
  • to overcome a challenge
  • to accomplish something new (something I’ve not done before)
  • to grow personally
  • to get some money

Make a list of your own. It will likely be incomplete, as mine almost certainly is. You can always update the list at a later time. The point is to have a list that you can refer to later on in this post.

Now make another list, of projects (or whatever it may be) where you have a direction (you’re on the right track), but you’re just sitting there (no effort, no motivation). Select one of them and look through your list of motivational factors. Which one(s) apply to this task?

Recently I got back to some modifications I wanted to do to my car. I had all the material, but never set aside the time. The car I have is noisy, so I had all kinds of sound-proofing material on hand. All I needed to do was install it. I wanted to get something finished that I had started and prove I could complete the project. It was also something I had never done. Add that to having to take apart the door panels to fix the window mechanism on three of the windows, and the die was cast. Motivation found, effort put forth, and now progress is being made.

How about you, have you found a good match between your project and your motivations? If so, get busy. Feel your motivation. Even though my arms are bruised and scratched from working inside the door cavities on my car, I’m still smiling and thinking of my accomplishment. What do you need to do to feel good about your activities? Just get busy!

If you can’t find any motivation, there still is a way that I use to force the effort. Guts. Like the TV says, just do it. Get it over with. Finish it and move on. Perhaps you can add a little motivation, kind of like dessert after a meal you don’t like that much. What can you do afterwards to reward yourself for pounding out the task, for putting forth the effort? It’s worth a try, if nothing else is working.

Just like the light at the end of the tunnel isn’t always an oncoming train, you can use the whistle of the train coming down the tracks (motivation) to help you avoid getting run over (effort, or lack of it). Those projects aren’t going to complete themselves, so pick one and get it done!

From: Twitter, @MotivateDaily
confirmed at : http://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/quotes/w/willrogers104938.html
Photo by JuditK

Posted in action, direction, effort, intelligence, motivation, procrastination | Tagged , , , , | 2 Comments

Always forgive your enemies…

Posted on 27 June 2011 by philosiblog

Always forgive your enemies; nothing annoys them so much. – Oscar Wilde

"Yeah, I forgive you for being such a jerk. But I'm still not going out with you again!"

What does that mean?
Well, it seems to be stated as if it were a joke, a mind game to play with your enemies. But it is true, it will annoy them immensely, trust me. I’ve been on both sides of this saying.

It is also the healthiest thing you can do for yourself. Just be sure you remember that forgiveness is not the same as reconciliation. You can forgive someone without everything also immediately being set back to the way it used to be. A betrayed trust may be forgiven, but the trust must be earned again, starting from somewhere below zero.

Why is forgiveness important?
Forgiveness helps lift a burden from your shoulders, and allows the healing process to move more quickly. Until you forgive them, you are angry (or worse) at them.

This means that the wound that the event caused is not healing, as you are constantly picking at it. Every time you revisit the anger (or whatever the strong emotion the event caused), you prolong the injury and delay the healing.

Forgiveness is a way of letting go of that emotion that is hindering you. After all, your life is about you, not about them. Release the emotion and begin healing. Keep a careful eye on the person who hurt you, but move forward with your life.

That was all stated in the positive, the case for letting go and moving forward. Looking at it from the other direction, can you come up with a good reason to hold on to the emotion? What does it do to help you?

And the only reason I have ever been able to find in favor of not forgiving? It makes a (barely) passable motivation for a fictional character to do a bunch of dumb things in pursuit of avenging or revenging. Hopefully your life has a bit more depth than a silly little movie or a pulp novel.

Where can I apply this in my life?
To me, forgiveness is a way to decouple myself from the frustration, hurt and anger associated with an event. Once I have done that, I can get back to what is truly important.

I don’t have enough time to keep track of all the people who have done me wrong (based on my silly definitions of the term). Neither do I have the energy to waste on all the emotional baggage that comes with the status of not having forgiven someone. Do you?

Write down a couple of things that are bothering you, things that you have yet to forgive someone for doing (or failing to do). Select one of them for this exercise, remembering that you can always do this again and try a different one.

Start by jotting down some of the critical details. If you can’t fill at least half a piece of paper with the details, how important could it have been? If you can fill half a piece of paper (or more), how much effort are you putting into maintaining this level of emotion? In either case, it might be something to think about, wouldn’t you agree?

One starting place, and my personal favorite, would be to work from the attitude of compassion. Cut them some slack. Imagine how many different ways the event could have happened without any taint of ill will or malice. Even if you are certain there was ill will or malice, consider that perhaps they were raised to a different standard than you were.

Another way that has worked for me is to apply simple logic. Do you have a good answer to all of these questions?

  • Do you really care (and why)?
  • Do you have the time to waste on this matter?
  • Do you have the energy to spare to support these feelings?
  • Ten years from now, will it matter to you (and why)?

If you didn’t have a good answer to all of the questions, and good reasons for the first and last ones, you might want to give forgiveness some consideration. Your answer (or lack thereof) to any of these questions should probably be used as leverage to pry yourself away from your fixation on the event and grant forgiveness.

Some would say that even a grudging forgiveness is a start. I would agree, to an extent. It is a start, but a poor one. Forgiveness with conditions, reservations or strings attached isn’t really forgiveness, is it?

Consider someone to whom you would give a partial forgiveness. Then answer the four questions above. Would any of them change if you gave them partial forgiveness? Would the intensity of your emotion changed significantly? Would you feel any better, personally? Odds are you have just come to the same conclusion as I have about partial forgiveness, I hope.

And if you think that forgiveness works well on your enemies, wait until you try it on others, including strangers, acquaintances, friends and family! Try it, you’ll like it!

From: Twitter, @MotivateDaily
confirmed at : http://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/quotes/o/oscarwilde105222.html
Photo by SteveR-

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By studying others’ viewpoints…

Posted on 26 June 2011 by philosiblog

By studying others’ viewpoints, it is possible for us to discover new and refreshing perspectives on the world – including our own life. – Dalai Lama

What does that mean?
To me, this points out the variety in our cultures as humans. We have our own viewpoint, and we have had the bulk of it since birth. In school, at different grades, we interact with more and varied cultures. If you get a chance to study or travel abroad, then you can get an even broader view of the world, through the eyes of other people, other cultures.

These perspectives can also be used to review your own life. You can get insight as to why others think the way they do, act the way they do and have the values they have. You can then reflect on your own life with this new insight. You may find that some of their views have merit. You may find others views with merit, but not easily applied to your life. Still other views will fall by the way side as inappropriate or not useful to you.

Why is perspective important?
I live in America, where we have a fairly large country. Many people in Europe can visit another culture on a day-trip. While many large cities in America have ethnic enclaves, it’s not quite the same as a trip to another country, to see how a people live. To see it’s viewpoint acted out in daily life.

In this way, you will see where one culture views your culture as using too much gas or having too many cars. You might also see that in that other culture, the population density in towns and cities is such that you can walk or ride a bicycle to almost anyplace you need to go. You can then realize that they might have a different perspective if they came and visited your country and saw how far it was to the grocery store, to work, or to the school.

Where can I apply this in my life?
Well, if you can, travel as far and as wide and as often as you can afford. Take the time to talk to the locals and find out more about how they live and why they make the choices they do, why they have the values they do, and why they have the viewpoint they do.

In my High School, we had a number of black people who were very into Africa and both their history and the history of Africa. That was turned on it’s head when an exchange student from Ethiopia spent a year at our school. Suddenly, everything was different. With the advent of the new student, they got a chance to find out more about Africa from someone who actually lived there. And I’m sure the exchange of ideas and information went both ways. Their perspective was never the same.

For those of us without the funds to travel extensively, another option is the TV. There are educational and documentary information on many cultures and societies, countries and people. That is a fairly easy place to start. Of necessity it will be more of an overview and be lacking in detail, but it’s a place to start.

Local ethnic groups often have clubs or other organizations. Look them up and call the contact person. Explain that you are interested in learning more about their culture and ask if there is someone you should talk to, or if you can attend one of their meetings. You might even make a new friend or two, and that can always bring a new viewpoint.

There is also the library, where books exist on almost any and every civilization in human history. You can find a lot out about a great many things, the difficulty may well be the thinning of the possibilities. There are only so many hours in a day, and way too many books!

By learning from others and how they view life and lifestyles, you can get a perspective on how and why they think as they do. You can also apply their viewpoint to your life and see what you look like to them. Examining your life through the eyes of another is always an interesting trip.

From: Twitter, @DalaiLama
confirmed at : it’s his own feed…
Photo by Alaskan Dude photo taken at 2010 Carnevale in Venice (Italy, I presume)

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Time heals what reason cannot.

Posted on 25 June 2011 by philosiblog

Time heals what reason cannot. – Seneca

Time will heal it, if you let it.

What does that mean?
“Be reasonable about it.” You’ve heard this before, I’d imagine. Something has happened, and you are upset. You eventually calm down and think through the problem.

Most of the time you can come to an understanding of what happened and reason prevails. Perhaps it wasn’t your fault, so you quit beating yourself up. Perhaps it was, and you find a way to make good on your mistake and find a way to prevent it from happening again.

This quote isn’t about those times. It is about the times when something has happened. You are upset, and there is no reason why. Time alone can heal this kind of wound, if you let it.

Why is time important?
Time, in this quote, is the one thing that can heal you. This is the only healing, besides faith, that is available when you can’t explain it, can’t change it or can’t stop it.

Accidents and injuries, they follow the laws of physics. Human stupidity, it follows it’s own path, but it can be understood with reason.

For me, death has been something that only time can heal. I know that reason can explain death. Heart attacks, Cancer, various other maladies and diseases. But in these cases, for me at least, the wound goes beyond what logic or reason can heal.

It seems to be part of human nature to hold tighter to the pleasant memories and let the bad ones slip away. This, I would guess, is at the heart of this saying. As time goes by, the hurt and pain diminish, and the happy and pleasant memories remain.

Where can I apply this in my life?
Where are your wounds? Where have you been hurt? Hurt in the places that reason cannot heal? For me, that is usually in the one place where reason does not exist, in the emotions.

It’s not pleasant, but think of a few of the wounds that that you haven’t been able to heal by reason. You don’t have to re-live them, just write them down. Next to each, write down why they are painful – what part of you is hurt, specifically. Then write down at least three, preferably more, happy memories associated with that wound.

To start with, try to remember each of the happy memories without remembering the bad. In my case, remembering my grandfather and the happy moments is the easiest, but I’m left with an empty feeling knowing that he is gone. But I am much better now than I was.

Any time you notice one of the bad memories surfacing, thank it for stopping by, and show it the door. Fill the vacancy with your list of pleasant memories, one after the other. As this becomes your normal response, the bad memories should come less often. At least it has for me.

I understand that this will not work directly with a crime of violence, or other instances without a pleasant memory. For most other wounds, it should work in a fairly straight forward manner.

While writing this blog, I was brought to tears several times, remembering people I have lost. Each one still hurts, but I let each one wash across me once, and then I put them away. Then I remembered a few pleasant memories for each, and finished with a smile.

Even a memory such as my ex still can be painful. But there were good times, it wasn’t all bad. And when the bad resurfaces, I give it a moment, then put it away. There are pleasant moments to be remembered.

For the times when there are no pleasant memories directly related to the wound (abuse or other crimes), I use memories after the fact as the pleasant memories to replace the pain. I think of the people who helped me and the people I have helped. People I wouldn’t have known otherwise, people I couldn’t have helped otherwise. These pleasant memories help to mute the other memories, and make the journey worthwhile.

All wounds will leave their mark, and some scars are more obvious than others. But the wound will never even begin to heal if you keep picking at it. Show yourself some compassion and kindness. Release the pain, remember the joy. Seek professional help, if needed. But always remember to keep on smiling.

From: Twitter, @mobilewashunit
confirmed at : http://www.quotes.net/quote/8609
Photo by ViV@MiViD@

Posted in compassion, focus, habits, kindness, time, understanding | Tagged , , , , , | Comments Off on Time heals what reason cannot.

Any fool can criticize…

Posted on 24 June 2011 by philosiblog

Any fool can criticize, condemn, and complain – and most fools do. – Dale Carnegie

"That's not how I would do it..."

What does that mean?
It says that he considers it foolish to criticize, condemn and complain. I agree. Anyone can run their mouth and do the three C’s (criticize, condemn, and complain). And as he states, most fools do just that. The implication is that those who are non-fools will neither criticize, condemn nor complain. Instead, I believe that we should cooperate and attempt to help each other.

Why is cooperation important?
It appears to be human nature to complain, blame/condemn and criticize, but that is a foolish thing to do. Why foolish, you ask? What does any of those things accomplish? Does complaining get anything done?

How well does the blame game work? Does blaming some one (even if rightly deserved) move anything forward? Or does it just lead to hard feelings and plotting for revenge? Does condemnation work any differently for you, or does it get about the same results?

How about criticism? How effective of a motivational tool is that? How well does it work in a planning meeting to have every plan torn to shreds? Does anything (besides the generation of hard feelings) ever get generated?

The opposite of the three C’s is a fourth C, cooperation. Instead of complaining, cooperate and help solve whatever is making you complain. Instead of condemning people for what they are doing (or failing to do), offer to lend a hand to get the task completed. Instead of criticizing, offer up alternate solutions that overcome the flaws in the original plan.

Does that make sense? Does that help to show the difference between the person who is a fool and the person who cooperates?

Where can I apply this in my life?
Any time you feel one of the three C’s trying to come out of your mouth, close it. Sounds simple enough, but it takes some practice (at least it did for me). This will become a habit, so plan on getting a lot of practice in before you get really good at it.

I started with Conscious Competence, where I had to recognize that I had just said something foolish (by definition, isn’t that what fools say, right?). Then I would have to follow up with something constructive. That was another exercise, having to think on my feet and come up with ideas and comments that were helpful as quickly as I had come up with words that were foolish.

Next, I started trying to preempt first my mouth, then my brain. Stop the ideas before they came out of my mouth was the first step of Phase II. A lot of times, I’d start a sentence, and have to redirect the comment to something more helpful and less foolish.

For me, the final step was to preempt the thought in the first place. I started by allowing the thought to occur, then dismissing it before I had a chance to speak it. I then started to cut my thought off as soon as I noticed that it was heading down a foolish path. Now, my primary path is that of cooperation, not the path of foolishness.

When do you find yourself most likely to take the foolish path and spout off one (or more) of the three C’s? Write a few down. Is there a pattern, does it happen more in certain situations? Knowing this will help with the first step, when you are trying to be aware of when you are being foolish.

Once you have an idea of when and where it’s most likely to occur, try to catch yourself in the act. Then try to find a way to provide a helpful solution to the problem at hand, so that you are cooperating and not just being foolish.

With time, you will start to notice that you are headed down the path of foolishness, and be able to intervene earlier and earlier in the process. This will limit your time being foolish, and allow you to shine as a cooperative player.

Eventually, you will be able to all but banish the three C’s and move forward as a primarily cooperative person. The kind of person who has a smile and a compliment ready at all times. Someone who can suggest a new idea, a different option, a alternative path, and do so without making anyone feel bad about it.

I know, there are times I want to slap someone around. My motto has often been “I don’t suffer fools, I make fools suffer!” But I have found that usually, when I follow that path, I’m the one who ends up looking like the fool, and nothing useful comes of my actions.

Treating someone badly can seriously damage a team spirit, and life is a team sport, or at least that’s how it appears to me. Yes, sometimes others will take the credit or pass the blame. Pointing it out might make you right, but it isn’t always the best play for the team.

Cooperation is the quickest and most efficient manner to move forward. Sometimes we don’t get our way. That is one of the leading causes (for me, at least) for starting down the foolish path and going back to the three C’s.

So the next time you see someone acting like a fool, and sputtering out the three C’s, I would recommend that you imagine that they are wearing the hat (from the photo) and looking all goofy. Then smile and cooperate, provide hints, ideas, plans or something else to move things forward. And be sure to compliment them on their hat! 8)

From: Twitter, @motivatquotes
confirmed at : http://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/quotes/d/dalecarneg108920.html
Photo by CarbonNYC

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The high-minded man must care more…

Posted on 23 June 2011 by philosiblog

The high-minded man must care more for the truth than for what people think. – Aristotle

What does that mean?
Once again, we have a translation from ancient Greek that I believe needs a little more help in the translation. At thefreedictionary.com, high-minded is defined as “Characterized by elevated ideals or conduct; noble.” It’s an old fashioned word that puts this translation back before WWII, possibly before the turn of the century.

Re-wording, it comes out as “The person with high standards of ethics, ideals and conduct must care more for the truth than what people think.” I am tempted to add to the end of that “about them,” but the quote should probably be looked at both with and without that additional ending.

Why is truth important?
I believe that without truth, communication is impossible. Without truth, actions lose their meanings. Without truth, values become worthless.

Truth is the underpinning of society, as most of us know it. How many of you have to wonder, at each word, if it is true or a lie? It’s not a pretty place to be. The stress is immense, especially when you don’t understand what reason there is for the lies.

While we all may stray from the truth from time to time, hopefully it’s been in the “little white lies” category. Things like the answer to the classic death-trap – I mean question : “Does this dress make me look fat?”

Where can I apply this in my life?
At the top, I debated if I should end the saying with “…think about them.” instead of just “…think.” so in the next two paragraphs, I take a brief look at how they differ.

For the “…think about them.” version : Sometimes, people think less of others when they follow a path that isn’t popular. This would be social pressure to change how you think. For this, we are talking about people trying to get you to change how you think in order to get you to change your ethics, ideals or conduct. Here there is no intellectual debate, just interpersonal pressure (name calling, withholding friendship, etc) to force a non-intellectual change.

For the “…think.” version : Some people go along with the crowd. Universities and colleges are really bad about that, despite proclaiming that all ideas are welcomed and shared. In these situations (sometimes called group-think), people can’t understand how you have come to a conclusion different from theirs. These tend to be polarizing issues, and have included everything from abortion to global warming. Here, there is still intellectual debate and while neither side may change their mind, the point is to have the debate.

The nature of the pressure (interpersonal vs intellectual) aside, it still comes down to an attempt to get you to change your ethics, ideals and conduct. In short, they are attempting to get you to redefine your truth, your beliefs. If you believe that you are correct and value the truth as you know it, you must stand firm. You must care more for the truth than for what others think, or think about you.

It is right and proper to listen to intellectual arguments, to compare them to what you know, to investigate their validity and add it to your tool box (either as something to easily discredit, or a potential new facet of truth to be integrated into your world view). But you must be careful and not be easily swayed by the opinions of others, or by alleged facts used to buttress an opposing view.

If you are not careful, you will end up more a wind-sock than a person of high standards. Truth is hard to perceive until you have all the facts. The trick is determining when you have enough facts to determine what is true and what is not. This is why an open mind is necessary. You must maintain you high standards of ethics, ideals and conduct, but you must allow for the possibility, however small, that you may need to adjust them as more of the truth is revealed to you.

The truth, as you understand it, should be explained to others, and defended when challenged. This must be done with the highest of standards and be based on well researched facts. If those holding differing views truly have open minds, you should be able to convince them to look more closely at what they have accepted as truth as well as what you have accepted as truth.

You will never win an argument by telling someone something. You must help them to convince themselves that you are right. Ask them to do some research and offer to review their allegations and plan to meet again to discuss the results of the research. When you win this way, you have converted them not with your mighty skills, but by allowing them to reach the same conclusion as you did. In this manner, they will be able to defend the truth as you did, instead of just parroting what they remember of what you said.

From: Twitter, @gideonking
confirmed at : http://www.iwise.com/VIjbo
Photo by Keith Allison – This was a fun photo to pick. Umpires are the definition of truth, as they observed it, on the ball field. They don’t back down. They hold to what they believe to be the truth. Often (perhaps more often than not) they are reviled by the players and fans alike. They don’t let others sway them. To me, that’s what this saying is all about.

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We can easily forgive a child…

Posted on 22 June 2011 by philosiblog

We can easily forgive a child who is afraid of the dark; the real tragedy of life is when men are afraid of the light. – Plato

What does that mean?
Children being afraid of the dark, that is a phase most of them go through. However, when grownups are afraid of living their lives in the open light, that is sad. I take the phrase “afraid of the light” to mean that they are hiding in a dark place, afraid to come out and be seen.

To me, this implies not hiding due to a physical deformity (like the titular Hunchback of Notre Dame), but hiding due to fear. Fear of being seen, fear of speaking or a fear of doing something and being disliked because of it. To some, it is better to hide and have nothing than to try something and risk embarrassment.

This sounds kind of like a case of terminal geeky-ness, or an uber-wall-flower. You have probably seen people who have gone through a mild phase like this. I was once that shy, but I grew out of it.

Why is strength important?
Strength is a word with many applications. Here, I intend it to mean the strength of will, strength of character, and the strength of self-respect necessary to step out of the shadows and into the light.

This strength is also a form of permission to yourself, permission to fail, permission to (occasionally) make a fool of yourself. It is also the strength to get back up after failure or foolishness and remain in the light, and not scamper back to the safety of the darkness.

Such strength is available to all of us. Some might call it will-power, others might call it learning to live with the pain of rejection. Some might call it courage, still others might pride. Whatever it is called, it is what separates the mice (scampering in the safety of the dark) from the men (living in the light).

Where can I apply this in my life?
We all have a little fear in our lives. Those who have banished fear either live well within the limits of safety, or are reckless and beyond thoughtfulness. Fear helps keep us from doing terminally stupid things. It also helps us define our limits.

We are all strong in some aspects of our lives, and timid in others. For example, I’ll take any physical challenge without much hesitation. I have done things like that all my life. Climbing, jumping, tumbling, running and falling are second nature. Climb to the top of a telephone pole and jump to a trapeze, no problem. Been there, done that (it was fun!).

However, put me in a room full of people, and you’ll find me in the corner, behind the potted plant. That’s somewhere where I am very meek. I have never have been a people person, although I am getting better at tolerating them. I prefer the company of a few close friends than a party full of people of whom I have made an acquiescence.

How about you? Where are you strong? The more interesting question, and more apropos to the quote, is where are you timid? Are you shy around new people, or is that a strength of yours? Grab some paper and write down a few aspects of your life where you would like to be stronger.

Choose one of them and take a few moments to write down where you would be if you were strong in this part of your life. You know where you are and you just wrote down where you want to go. Now all you have to do is fill in the steps in-between.

Come up with an image of yourself when you are halfway there. What would you have to do, how would you have to act to be “there”? Take a moment to think about you at the halfway point. Does it feel good being stronger in this aspect of your life?

What would you have to do to get to the halfway point? People skills, like climbing skills, require practice and repetition to get to be proficient.

For me, I started just with saying “hi” to people at work or on the street, in stores or where ever I saw them. Then I worked on eye contact and a smile. Slowly I worked up to starting conversations by asking a question or complimenting them. What will you be doing over the next few weeks as you move towards the halfway point?

As you get better at being strong in this aspect of your life, keep track of how things are going, and make adjustments. You may find that saying “hi” is easy, but the eye contact is a real problem. You might have to break the eye contact into smaller steps to climb that challenge. Just keep after it.

Once you are at the halfway point, it’s time to go the rest of the way. Simply repeat the steps for getting to halfway and get busy. If you find that what you thought was halfway was more like a quarter, just keep moving forward, don’t get frustrated or give up.

Later, you can start working on other aspects of your life, as you see the need or opportunity. Some think of this as an onerous exercise, like doing 40 push-ups. I prefer to think of it as an opportunity to get better at something, whether it be better physical shape or better social shape. Your attitude towards this will be a big portion of how easy it is to stay motivated. Don’t sabotage yourself!

We all have parts of ourselves that prefer the calm quiet and darkness of living away from the light. But we become better people (and stronger as well) as we live more and more in the light. Just be sure to bring your sun block! 8)

From: Twitter, undocumented feed (my bad)
confirmed at : http://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/quotes/p/plato121792.html
Photo by Sarah G…

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No dictator, no invader, can hold…

Posted on 21 June 2011 by philosiblog

No dictator, no invader, can hold an imprisoned population by force of arms forever. J. Michael Straczynski

The longer version of the quote is:

“No dictator, no invader, can hold an imprisoned population by the force of arms forever. There is no greater power in the universe than the need for freedom. Against that power governments, and tyrants, and armies can not stand. The Centauri learned this lesson once. We will teach it to them again. Though it take a thousand years, we will be free.” – Written by JMS and spoken by Narn Ambassador G’Kar in the TV show Babylon 5, during the Season 2 episode titled “The Long, Twilight Struggle“

What does that mean?
To me, it speaks of the unbending spirit of freedom. In the quote, it is spoken by an alien, but it still rings true here on Earth. Freedom is the deepest yearning of the soul, and cannot be quenched, it can only be denied. And then, it can only be denied for a short time.

Throughout our history here on Earth, we have always valued our freedom. We have been oppressed and we have thrown off our oppressors. It is a continuous struggle, but the tyrant never sits easily on the throne when it has been taken at the cost of freedom. I don’t see any reason it should be different anywhere else, do you?

Why is freedom important?
Freedom is a natural yearning, just ask a teenager or a toddler. For each, the lesson to learn is the counter balance, responsibility.

Freedom means different things to different people. To some, it’s the wide open spaces of the ranch or farm. To others it’s just being left alone. Still others want the ability to create things that push the boundaries of their culture.

Freedom allows us to each find our place in life. In some societies, your place is determined by your birth. That lack of freedom will eventually result in a friction which will eventually burst into the flame of freedom.

Where can I apply this in my life?
If you are free enough to be reading this, you probably don’t have too many problems with lack of freedom. As such, I won’t take time to go over how to maximize your freedom. But I will, instead ask you to think about what freedom means to you and how it exists in your life.

Just briefly, as stated above, freedom has a counter balance, responsibility. The standard example is you may have freedom of speech, but you can’t yell ‘fire’ in a crowded room without consequence. Another example I’ve heard is you are free to dance how you wish, until you elbow me in the nose, then there will be consequences.

This balance between anarchy (complete freedom to do whatever you can get away with) and a police state (where practically everything is proscribed) is always changing. Laws are passed, social norms evolve, extreme actions will receive extreme responses, and the balance will move back and forth. If it goes too far, unrest will surely follow, and the fire of freedom will burn more intensely.

Where do you draw the line between order and anarchy? It will be different for each person, and different between topics.

Some, who aren’t into the arts, they might not care if there are regulations on what can be published or presented (whether at taxpayer expense or even in private). But if they love to travel, they might be very concerned about restrictions and fees.

Others, who live in a city and use a bicycle or public transportation, may not care about the travel issues. But if they are passionate about the arts, such a set of regulations would be an unacceptable burden, and would fan the flame of freedom.

Why do you feel freedom is important? Which freedom is most important to you? Which one would you give up first, if you had to give one up? It’s an interesting thought exercise, isn’t it? It helps you find out how important freedom is to you.

While we all know that freedom is not free, that people have fought and died to protect those freedoms, we must consider the source. Some cite God as the source of our freedoms, others cite Natural Law. The point that I am trying to make is that our freedoms are not granted by people or governments. The only thing that people or governments can do is to either protect or restrict our freedoms.

Regardless of the nature of the oppression, whether an elected government bent on abuse or a foreign invader, they will be resisted. It is unfortunate that humanity has yet to learn this lesson.

In California, the government bans certain types of cooking oils. In New York City, the government limits how much salt can be put in food. These examples seem trivial with the events referred to as the “Arab Spring” transpiring. They have everything from peaceful protests (some met with brutal tactics by dictators) to full blown revolutions and everything in-between occurring. And their freedoms, even where the dictator has been deposed, are not yet certain.

Eventually we will learn to be kind to each other and respect each other’s differences. But power has always been a corrupting influence, and few are made of sufficiently sturdy stuff to resist it for any length of time. We must resolve to be those sturdy people and lead, not by revolution, but by example.

From: Twitter, @TheQuoteToday
confirmed at : http://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/quotes/j/jmichaels389183.html
Photo by mattlemmon

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To be intelligent is to be…

Posted on 20 June 2011 by philosiblog

To be intelligent is to be open-minded, active, memoried, and persistently experimental. –  Leopold Stein and here

You're learning!

What does that mean?
To achieve this person’s definition of intelligence (presumably translated from German, which appears to be his native language) you have to have a certain set of qualities. To me, they have meanings, within certain allowances for translation of time and language.

Open minded means to be willing to consider other possibilities, other view points, other explanations and other ways of approaching problems.

Active means being the opposite of passive, to go out and look for information instead of sitting around waiting for it to come to you.

Memorized, to me, is probably a translation issue, meaning to have memorized information, to know things well and thoroughly.

Persistently experimental means to constantly try, even if it didn’t work the last 99 times, let’s try again, with this changed a little bit and see what happens.

How does that look to you, are the definitions about what you expected? What other components would you ascribe to intelligence?

Why is being intelligent important?
Well, it beats the alternative, I guess. But seriously. Being intelligent isn’t the same as being the nerd that everyone throws stuff at, nor is it having to be the brightest person in the room (worse yet, feeling a need to attempt to prove that you’re the brightest person).

To me, being intelligent is more about being able to help others, to give them the benefit of your experience. It is also about being curious about why things work, how they break and how to fix them again. It’s about wondering why something does what it does, behaves the way it behaves and trying to get to the bottom of it.

But in the end, what good is knowledge if you don’t put it to use, what good is knowledge if it is locked up in your head, unavailable to those who could benefit from it?

Where can I apply this in my life?
Taking each in order, being open minded would be the first to consider. Please note that there is a difference between being open to the consideration of new ideas and approaches and simply adopting something new simply because it is new.

Being open minded includes using your past knowledge and experience to examine the usefulness of a new idea or approach. It includes declining to adopt something new as easily as it includes accepting something new. The idea or approach must stand on it’s own and hold some usefulness or value.

Next would be being active. To me, that means you must go out and seek out information, knowledge, techniques and whatever else is part of your knowledge base. If you are a mason, you would want to keep up with the latest in improvements in mortar (really, the chemistry is fascinating, as are the additives). If you just wait until a competitor takes a contract you needed to keep the business going, that would not be being active and would hurt your business.

If your job is something other than masonry, you still need to keep up. Many professions require (yes, require) professional development as a condition of employment or even to retain your license to practice. Many in the medical field fall into this category. Nobody wants to be treated with last year’s medicine, not at the rate that things are progressing!

This also applies to your hobbies and your home life. Just keeping up with what your kids are doing and what is fashionable is a very active learning experience. You don’t want to be the parent the kids laugh about when you give your daughter a shirt that is just “oh-so-last-year!”, do you?

The next is memoried, which I converted to having memorized information available. You want your cab driver to know how to get to your destination, not have them guessing which way to turn at each corner. You want the pest control people to take one look at the bug in the container and tell you they can handle that critter, not scratch body parts and look it up on the internet.

At work or at home, it is also useful to have things memorized. Class schedules, after-school programs, emergency phone numbers (that goes for the kids as well), and so much more. Memorizing the recipes to my kid’s favorite meals was modestly difficult, but I can now cook them when my wife is unavailable for cooking duty. If your garage doubles as a work shop, you probably know which bolts on the engine use the 1/2″ open end and which ones need a socket. You probably can tell the difference between a 12 penny and 16 penny nail at just a glance. It won’t win you any prizes, but it’s part of being an intelligent worker, right?

The last of the traits listed as part of being intelligent is being persistently experimental. And you need to be both halves of that, both persistent as well as experimental. This is another way of saying you can’t give up, you have to keep trying. It also says you have to keep trying different ways, as doing the same thing over again and expecting different results is… a different quote (look it up if you like).

Not every thought we have leads straight to a brilliant conclusion. We have to keep after it, tying new things, changing it up, until we can get to the conclusion. I’m not sure how to give you hints on being persistent other than to say keep going, don’t let up. Take a break from time to time, yes. Use that time to get some more information (being active), search your memory banks for other clues (memorized), and consider new or different approaches (open-minded).

In other words, to be intelligent, you need to be intelligent about how you try to do everything. But, if you look carefully at your life, you already have dozens if not hundreds of tasks where you have done this already. Do you brush your teeth the same way as when you were a kid? How about shaving, is that the same as even a few years ago? As the technology has changed, so have the tools and the method of applying them.

You are already intelligent, all you need to do now is make it part of your daily routine and apply it to all that you do. Sounds hard, but so did tying shoes or riding a bicycle. Each of those tasks required an open mind (for new ideas on how to do it), you had to be active (both in the thought process and the physical activity) and you had to be persistently experimental (since the last 20 times didn’t end very well). You ended up gaining knowledge and becoming more intelligent.

You can do it, and I certainly think it’s worth the effort. And be sure to share, there are plenty of people out there who could use your help!

From: Twitter, @Quoteshall and @pamlawhorne
confirmed at : http://www.legendinc.com/Pages/ArchivesCentral/QuoteArchives/Knowledge.html about 1/3 of the way down.
Photo by goat_girl_photos

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An authentic attitude of compassion…

Posted on 19 June 2011 by philosiblog

An authentic attitude of compassion doesn’t change, even faced with another person’s negative behavior. – Dalai Lama

C'mon, baby!

What does that mean?
To me, it says that it’s easy to have what might be called conditional compassion. Compassion for certain people or certain groups of people. And a lack of compassion for other people or groups of other people. And it also might change depending on the situation, with statements like “they deserve what they got.” While that might be true, we should still have compassion in our hearts.

To me, an authentic attitude of compassion means that it applies to everyone in every situation. It is (at least for me) incredibly difficult to do. Even absent negative behavior (presumably directed towards me), I can have difficulties even feeling (much less showing) compassion towards some people.

Why is authentic compassion important?
Having that authentic, deep rooted compassion is the key to this saying, and the test is how it withstands the negative behavior of the other person. Can you still feel (and show) compassion, even after they have done something mean or hurtful? That’s a test I regularly fail, but I’m trying to get better.

Lack of compassion can harden the heart and can form a callous on our soul. It helps to cheapen life and all to make all human interactions more difficult. It dulls the brilliant colors of life and mutes the beautiful music that accompanies it.

Having compassion that has an expiration date or a limit per person per day, or has conditions attached, that’s better than nothing, but still could use some improvement.

Where can I apply this in my life?
Think of the most annoying person you know. Not mean, just annoying. Perhaps it’s how they laugh, how they talk (all the “ummmm’s” and “like” and “ya-know’s”) or whatever it might be.

Now take a moment and imagine that they had absolutely no control over whatever is so annoying to you. They were born that way, raised that way or just dropped on their head as a baby. Do you feel a little more compassion towards them?

Now imagine it was you that was annoying. I know, it’s hard to believe, after all, you have hardly a flaw at all! Just imagine there are other people who were raised by barbarians, and don’t appreciate all of your finer qualities. To them, you are annoying. Does being in someone else’s place help you feel their pain, and increase your capacity for compassion towards them?

Imagine how awful it would feel to annoy most of your friends unknowingly. Wouldn’t you want them to point it out and help you be less annoying? I know I would (eventually) appreciate such help. How about you?

Now, have you got a clue where this is going? What if the person you find annoying is unaware that what they are doing is annoying to others? Perhaps it’s a cultural thing. Not all cultures bathe as often as you might like. Your friend probably isn’t allergic to water, they just don’t know that the “natural scent” isn’t big with you. If you don’t tell them, how will they learn?

That is all for the passive annoyances. That’s the warm-up for the people with who are actively annoying or having other negative behaviors.

How would you feel compassion towards someone who is yelling at you? I’ve been on both sides of that, so it was easy to put myself in their shoes, and remember a time when I was similarly unskillful and hotheaded.

If you’ve never been been in that situation before, perhaps you know enough about the person to understand where they are coming from, and feel compassion for them based on the problems in their life and how they have learned to cope (however poorly that might be).

The end result is still the same, you need to work on having compassion for them despite their behavior. It is rarely easy, but then neither is the 15 repetition at the gym. But in each case, that’s where the real building begins. The easy stuff doesn’t build strength (of body or of character) nor does the first repetition.

Keep working on your compassion in the tough situations. Realize that there will be times when the situation will be more than you are able to handle. Note your present limit and work to break through it and get better.

And as always, there is one last step. It’s an especially big stretch for the folks who are being so negative, but you should try to help them. Right at that moment might not be the best time, but try to reach them when they are in a better place. Skill and familiarity helps when broaching the subject, so you might want to enlist help from someone who is more skilled or more familiar with the situation.

It’s a tough world, and we’re all facing our own troubles. Try to remember this the next time you find yourself dealing with a person who’s in a very negative place.

From: Twitter, @DalaiLama
confirmed at : it’s his own feed…
Photo by TheeErin

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That which is given with pride…

Posted on 18 June 2011 by philosiblog

That which is given with pride and ostentation is rather an ambition than a bounty. – Seneca

"A small token of my appreciation..."

What does that mean?
This is a cautionary warning regarding the receiving of gifts. If they are given to you by someone who is prideful and it is given with great fanfare and flourish, you are most likely being “buttered up” (to put it kindly). A gift, when given in this manner, isn’t really a bounty (a gift to you), but a statement of ambition (a bribe or attempt to influence) by the giver.

Why is caution important?
Caution is one of those “guard rail” feelings. Caution differs from fear in that you aren’t afraid, but simply being prudent (sometimes overly so).

Caution helps keep us from doing things without thinking first. Caution is what keeps you relatively safe in an unfamiliar situation. If you had never done rock climbing, caution would keep you fairly close to the ground and in relatively easy terrain.

With experience, your caution point moves. When you have been climbing for a while, you start taking on more challenging routes. But caution will keep you from trying to free-climb El Capitan for a while longer.

Caution can be over done, but most of us are not too bad about it. If one has to err, erring on the side of caution is probably the best, wouldn’t you think?

Where can I apply this in my life?
Caution is probably already in your life, especially in new and unfamiliar situations. This saying urges you to use caution in an area you may already be fairly comfortable, the giving and receiving of gifts.

For family gatherings and exchanges, it’s probably not as likely a place for caution as work, but there are always exceptions. Caution might be warranted in blended families if the ex is giving lavish gifts to the kids. Explanations might be appropriate to the kids, and a discussion with the ex as well (good luck with that).

My guess is that this quote was more for the benefit of young aristocrats, new to power and easily swayed by lavish gifts and grand presentations of presents. Seneca was warning them of the hook that goes with the yummy worm or tasty looking fly (to use fishing as an analogy). The giver is looking to get something in exchange, so be careful about what you accept. You might not want to be owing a favor to some of the people who might give gifts.

This cautionary saying is just as prudent today as ever. In many industries, ‘gifts’ are heavily regulated. In the defense industries, any gift valued over $10 is to be declined. A coffee cup is often on the border. Tickets to a ball game are not permitted (you have to pay for them), even to AA ball games. In the medical field, there are limits on what a drug company representative can give (or even accidentally leave behind). In some cases, even pens aren’t allowed any more. An ounce of prevention here might be a little much, but it tends to keep the lawyers at bay.

Have you ever been in a situation where an inappropriate gift was presented to you? If not, you’re lucky. It’s never easy to decline a gift, but if you have made the decision that you *will* refuse overly lavish gifts, then it’s a little easier to say no. Take some time now to determine where you would draw the line, it just might save you some trouble down the line.

To me, that is the true test of wisdom. When it’s just as applicable today as two millennia ago, it has truly passed the test of time.

From: Twitter, @philo_quotes
confirmed at : http://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/quotes/l/luciusanna155036.html
Photo by cliff1066™

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Don’t worry about the world…

Posted on 17 June 2011 by philosiblog

Don’t worry about the world coming to an end today. It is already tomorrow in Australia. – Charles Schulz

Is it all going to end today? But it's tomorrow in Australia!

What does that mean?
To me, this is a reminder that too many people worry about too many things. How can the world end today? It’s already tomorrow in Australia, and quite a number of other places. We really need to get a grip sometimes.

We tend to worry about the things we have the least control over. If the world was going to end sometime soon, do you really think you could make a difference? Do you think you could stop it from happening? Perhaps in a movie, but in real life, probably not.

Why is not worrying important?
What are you worrying about? If you can do something about it, then get busy. If not, what does worrying do for you? I don’t know about you, but it makes me nuts. Worrying gives me headaches, back-aches, nervous tics and irritates my entire body, mind and spirit. Not a good thing to have going on.

I try to do the opposite of worry, which to me is to relax and to be calm. I know, it’s not always easy. But I’ve been working at it for a decade and I think I may just get out of this life without an ulcer.

How do you feel when you worry about something you have no power to change? Or worse yet, how do you feel when you are worrying about something you have the power to change, but aren’t busy changing it?

Where can I apply this in my life?
I use faith in a higher power as a crutch in times of worry. I firmly believe that we aren’t given anything we can’t handle.

Some might ask “what about cancer or some other fatal illness?” My response would be to remind them that everything that is born will eventually die. The only variable is when, where and how. By “handling” a fatal situation, I would fight like hell to keep alive for as long as possible, but try to set an example in my death. Worrying won’t make that situation any better, right?

What are the things you worry about? Your weight? Your breath? How you will do on an interview or a test? My advice is to do what you can to prepare, and then ride it out. Find a program to alter your lifestyle, not a diet that you will eventually give up on. Brush your teeth, gargle, and stay away from garlic. Study and prepare, and then relax.

Grab some paper and write down all the things you are worried about right now. Sort through them and look for a pattern. How many are in your control to influence? The rest should be outside your ability to influence, right?

For all the items that are outside your control or ability to influence, quit worrying about them. It might be a good idea to make some contingency plans so that you are as prepared as possible for any of the possible outcomes, but don’t worry.

For all the items that are within your control or ability to influence, get a plan, some thoughts at least, and get busy. Find others who have been through whatever it is that is worrying you and get some ideas on how to deal with the situation and get busy. Do research on the web or in the library and find out more about the situation and how experts recommend you deal with it and get busy. Find a help group or a professional who deals with your situation, get some assistance and then get busy. Did you notice a thread in this section? If it’s within your control or power to influence, don’t worry, get busy! (sorry Bobby)

There’s another quote that deals with worry that I really like: “Don’t worry about the little stuff.” It has a corollary, “It’s all little stuff.” So what are you worrying about?

From: Twitter, @QuoteHouse
confirmed at : http://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/quotes/c/charlesms105974.html
Photo by mecredis

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Advice is what we ask for when…

Posted on 16 June 2011 by philosiblog

Advice is what we ask for when we already know the answer but wish we didn’t. – Erica Jong

Wedding Advice

What does that mean?
Asking for advice. It is a a desperate cry for help. We have figured out what is happening, and don’t like what it looks like or where it’s going to take us in the end. We cast about for alternatives. We ask for advice, hoping to get a different answer.

Sound familiar? Been there, done that. Got the lumps to prove it. We seem to think that advice will give us a different answer. It might, if we haven’t put a lot of thought into the problem, but usually, what we hear is fairly close to what we already figured out.

Why is asking for advice important?
That is a tough thing for a guy to do, isn’t it? It can be, if you have more ego than sense. Asking for advice allows us to draw on the learning, knowledge and experience of another. Hopefully we ask someone who has done that and done it well. If not, we can learn from their mistakes and try something else.

The biggest problem with asking for advice is that we usually wait until it’s too late to change the outcome. Asking if the squeaky noise the brakes are making is a bad thing should be done before the accident, not after.

By asking before the accident, you have options, such as having them fixed or taking a different vehicle. Asking afterwards will simply confirm what you now are fairly sure of. Hopefully that makes sense.

Where can I apply this in my life?
There are actually two tricks to asking advice, both discussed briefly above. One is to find someone who has the experience to provide useful information. The second is to ask for it early in the process, so you have a chance to act on the advice before everything goes sideways.

Would you ask a clown for financial advice? It may come as a surprise, but I did for quite a number of years. We had a financial adviser who was a mild mannered CPA by day, and a clown act for kids in the evenings and weekends. Really. He came very highly recommended and did exceptionally well for us. Then we moved across country and had to find another adviser.

Why mention that? Because looks can be deceiving. Many people use stereotypes to determine who is qualified to give advice. It’s better to check references, ask around and find someone who really knows what they’re talking about.

The other point (timeliness) reminds me of a recent tweet by John Cleese (of Monty Python fame). In it, he mentioned he was going to follow a friend of his, even though the friend was at his last wedding and didn’t try to stop it. In this case, Mr Cleese was stating that he wished his friend had stopped his last marriage. A request for advice (or help) that came a little late, I would say.

Again and again, people ask for advice after they have messed up. In hind sight, they should have asked just a little earlier. But time only flows in one direction (so far as we can experience it, quantum physics aside). We have to try to notice when we are approaching a significant decision and search for advice before it’s too late, and you experience the full weight of this quote (again).

In theory, this is easy. In practice, we often don’t realize that we don’t know what we are doing until it’s too late, and by then we’re done for. For me, it’s a delicious irony. I love spontaneity, yet I greatly dislike making a mess of things. So I plan as much as I can and rely on nature to screw up my plans and provide me with all the spontaneity I can handle.

Most of my trips to the lumber yard includes a clip board with two or three ways to build something and some blank paper. This allows me to re-do calculations and estimates when I get there. There is nothing worse than finding out that someone else’s project used up all the 1×10 clear fir in the store. Gotta sit down and figure out what else to do. Ask the guys at the store what other material they have and when they’re expecting to get more lumber? Yes, but that would have been better asked before I left for the store, right?

Ask early, ask the right person, and you just may avoid a lot of trouble. At the lumber store or at the altar.

From: Twitter, undocumented feed (my bad)
confirmed at : http://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/quotes/e/ericajong103881.html
Photo by The Geary’s

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