If you love something, let it go. If it comes back to you, its yours forever. If it doesn’t, then it was never meant to be. – Unknown
Twoo Wuv. I mean “True Love.” From the movie The Princess Bride.
What does that mean?
To me, this quote is speaking of the most fundamental rule of the universe. Love isn’t owned and cannot be taken. It can only be given. This quote talks about mutual love and of the only valid test. If you love someone, you have to give them the freedom to choose for itself.
The freedom to choose is important, as sometimes a love is out of duty, loyalty, fear (of loneliness or retaliation) or for some other reason. In each of these cases, the love (true love) is only in one direction, the other direction of love is tainted by the reason for the love (something other than true love).
By turning the other person loose, they if they come back, it is (one hopes) because they love you, and the feeling is mutual. If they don’t come back, you would only have been fighting a losing battle to hold on to them. That is a battle that you will eventually lose, so lose it early and get on with your life.
Why is love (true love) important?
Let’s start with some definitions, shall we? Love is defined at thefreedictionary.com as “A deep, tender, ineffable feeling of affection and solicitude toward a person, such as that arising from kinship, recognition of attractive qualities or a sense of underlying oneness.” and “An intense emotional attachment, as for a pet or a treasured object.”
Another definition to consider is infatuation, which is defined as “A foolish, unreasoning or extravagant passion or attraction (synonym of love).” If we look at the second definition listed for love, and apply it to people instead of pets or objects, you can see how it would resemble infatuation.
To me, this is where I differentiate true love from common love. True love (you may use a different word) is between two people and is mutual in nature and based on the calling of the heart. Compare this with a relationship where one person has a form of love for the other, but it isn’t mutual. If you’ve ever experienced both kinds, you probably have a definite preference for what I call true love, right?
Where can I apply this in my life?
We all have relationships in our life. Some even rise to the level that makes it appropriate to use the word love. Whether it’s familial love, brotherly love, romantic love or whatever other label you may have, putting the word love in it, takes it to a whole new level.
How do you measure love, and what are the rules you expect love to use? What are the do’s and don’ts? Does everyone have the exact same list? Do you talk about where things stand often enough to notice that things are drifting apart, or is your first clue their last act of desperation?
An interesting description of what I consider true love, with proper motivation, can be found in the New Testament, 1st Corinthians, Chapter 13, Verses 4-7 :
4 Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5 It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6 Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7 It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.
Read the whole passage, and compare it to some of the people you love. How well does your love score by this measure? I try to keep track of my loves and keep track of how well I am doing. How often have you measured your love? It’s not something most of us do very often, if ever, right?
You may have a different way to measure love, and that’s fine. Just be sure that your partners in love know what your scale is, so that everyone is on the same page. My wife and I chose the Biblical passage above for our wedding, so we would know how to measure our behavior and our love.
Take some time to determine what your definition of love is and how it is to be measured. Then share it with the people you love and see if they agree. It might end in a lively discussion (or worse), but if that’s the case, that discussion will occur eventually, right? Do it now, before there are years of resentment built into it, and that way the hurt may be lessened and may be easier to heal.
This is probably the scariest of all the quotes I have tackled, from a practical standpoint. Who wants to take a chance at losing someone they love? But, as the quote says, if they don’t come back, it wasn’t meant to be. So by not taking that leap of faith and turning them lose, you may end up pouring a lot of time and effort into a relationship that is destined to fail. And that hurts a lot more. Trust me on that one.
From: Twitter, @Quotes_on_Love
confirmed at : http://www.quotes.net/quote/18405
The photo is scaled and referenced from the IMDb entry for “The Princess Bride” (1987) by MGM
I can’t get my ex out of my head. We broke up 2 months ago and left off nicely. But decided to not talk so we can let go, and plus being friends is to hard for both of us, there’s to much emotion. All of me wants to contact him and see how he is and how his life’s going. I’ll never stop caring. I would like to be friends with him. I don’t want to lose that kind of person in my life. I don’t know if I should contact him or is that just a means for even more confusion. My birthday is coming up and I hope he at least wishes me a happy birthday, . I hope for the best and expect the worse. He just stuck in my mind. I just wonder if thinks about me the way I think of him. Is contacting him in a month or 2 bad? Or should I just wait and let it go. If it’s meant to be, does that mean he’ll come back or I have to do something or he has to do something for that to be true. Does letting it go and love coming back mean we’ll bump into each other? I don’t understand? I don’t know what to do? 🙁
If you had a bruise, would you poke it every day with your finger? Would it ever heal if you kept poking it? If you keep thinking of him, how will you ever move on with your life? You are obsessing over him, and until you let go, you will continue to poke the bruise.
You used to spend a certain amount of time with him. What are you now doing with that time? If you’re sitting next the phone waiting for a call, or scanning social media, hoping to catch a glimpse of him, you will hurt forever. You’re still poking the bruise over and over again.
Instead, take that time to do something else. Hang out with friends. Take a class about something you find interesting or useful. Start a project. Quit poking the bruise. Does that make sense?
After my ex let me go he has now came back after 3 months of not talking basically as I said just letting me go.when he came back and we started talking our feelings weren’t the same. I had moved on and he still liked me. It was a bit rocky but now we are talking more and we are starting to have feelings for each other again. He kissed me on the lips twice and I kissed him back. We have held heads and hugged too. He has even told me that he thinks we were meant to be. I like him a lot and so does he. Are we meant to be?
I don’t know what the answer is to that question. You will have to ask that question of your heart. Give it some time, and see if he has grown to the point where he is worthy of you.
About two months ago, a guy came to me in a bar and gave me his phone number. He had watched me for some time and just came over to give his phone number. We had a short conversation and he told me he was going to start working in a bar the next day so he had to leave. He was very handsome and mysterious and I was immediately intrigued. But I waited a week before I texted him. His replies were very short and almost unenthusiastic so I wasn’t sure if he was still interested in me. So we texted for two weeks, on and off, and then I asked him to meet me as I thought that is the only way to really get to know him. So, finally, we met and it seemed that attraction was mutual straight away. We had a lot of things in common and we were able to talk openly to each other. He kept bringing me to different bars and we went dancing in a nightclub at the end. He kissed me and we ended up going to my place. The next day he just stayed at my place and I ended up cooking for him. In the evening I had been invited to see my friends performance and I invited him with me. He agreed happily and so we spent another night together in my friends company. He asked again to spend the night at my place. The next day, again, he just kind of stayed until finally I had to kick him out as I had to leave and visit my mother. So we had a 48 hour first date!! The next week he was again pretty quiet with his messages as he was busy with work, which I understood completely. We never really called each other, just texting. At the end of his working week we decided with my friends to go for a few drinks at the bar that he was working in. He was just finishing his shift and he happily joined us and seemed happy to see me. We ended up alone with him and we continued the evening until we went to my place again for the night. This time, he stayed with me three days in a row! So we spent the whole time together and he really seemed to like my company as I did his. The next week I asked him to go out with me a couple of times but he declined and I thougth nothing of it. He was still a bit funny and polite in his messages. Then suddenly he was silent for several days and I finally asked if everything was alright. He answered somewhat politely and asked me how I was doing. I answered and suggested that we would meet. He declined but did not in any way apologise for it nor did he give me any indication of possible future plans. So I felt rejected and angry after such a long silence and disappointing answer that I called the whole thing off. For the next few days I felt like my reaction was justified and that I was glad to get rid of him since he didn’t seem to want to meet me anymore. But after a few days I started to regret the whole thing and thought that maybe I had over reacted. I really actually had enjoyed his company and I would love to meet him again. It had only, anyways, been a week since we saw each other, maybe he was just busy with other things. So I tried to save the situation by sending him a small apology. He did not reply so I sent him a lengthy email trying to explain my reaction but somehow still tried to stand behind my words to say that I was a bit hurt. He hasn’t replied to me in two weeks. And now I feel like I don’t know what to do. I keep thinking of writing him a message but what’s the point since he hasn’t replied to my previous ones either. Should I just let him go for now and believe that if he really wants to be with me, then he will eventually contact me. Or maybe I should go and talk to him face-to-face to get some clarity on his side of the story, as talking would probably be a better idea than messaging, since he doesn’t even reply to me. Have I completely lost this game? Should I just wait? I can’t stop thinking about him and that I probably over reacted in this situation. I know that guys want to take things slowly and so I feel that perhaps I was pushing him? But then again, why should dating only work on men’s terms? And why did he decide to stay with me such long periods of time but then went silent? Any advice on how to proceed..? Thanks. 🙂
While I have no experience like this, and do not know either of you, my gut feeling is to stay away from him. If you have to ‘throw him out’ to get him out of your place, my concern is that you are just a convenience in his eyes. Yes he enjoys your company, a clean place to stay, a free meal, and all the other benefits of a sleep-over. If he doesn’t want to reply, my suspicion is that he is at the house of someone else. Again, I don’t know, but I have a suspicion.
Regardless of why, if he is completely non-responsive to your apologies, it’s time to find someone worthy of your kindness and love. You deserve better treatment than that. Time to trade up, and get a better model of boyfriend.
You are strong enough to do this. I believe it’s time to move on. What do you believe?
Yes, I think he probably is not worth my time. But I did get a little bit attached to him. Anyway, I will just try to forget about him. My friend had actually seen him the other day, and he had been boasting about himself and he was so drunk that he was falling all over the place. This kind of proves to me that he’s a bit of a mess. Time to move on! Thank you for your view on the matter, appreciate it.
Sounds like a good idea, as there has got to be someone better than that out there for you. Have fun!
Do you think I should contact my ex? After a while just to see how he’s doing and to catch up? Or should I just wait for him or let it go? We left off on good terms and we really care for each other, and I decided well we both decided to not talk for a bit to let go, but I’m not sure if I should contact him? Even though it was my idea to not talk for a bit after the break up
Consider why you broke up in the first place. Have things changed, or will you be going back into the same mess? Have you both changed towards each-other or away?
You will have to make the decision and live with the consequences. Think it through, and check your final thought against your heart, and then decide what you will do. And remember to stay strong.
Hi, I really miss my ex Adam. We broke up mutually and because I was a different religion. We cried so hard and did not want to break up, I’ve decided to wait awhile to mourn the relationship, but I really believe our relationship was too beautiful and rich to have ended so soon. I pray everyday for him, me, and our relationship. Do you think God gives you signs in that reguard, for someone coming back into your life? I think our relationship deserves the time we both wanted and needed
Religion can be a complicated thing in a relationship. If you cannot agree about that, or at least how the children will be raised, you are in for a very rough ride.
As for God and what signs might be presented, that is far outside my experience and knowledge. I cannot help you with that. You will have to search for that within yourself.
Hello, i have one close man we both have been talking for almost two years. We live in different country with different religion and different culture. we were good close friend but he had special feeling for me. Previously we were not sure what we felt was love so i pushed him away because we will have better future if we dont let ourselves trapped into illusion. We called it illusion because it’s impossible to be together in reality with all the differences we cant ignore our families…
we had two months break up. believe it or not, time went super slow. sadness kept coming over. this seperation brought huge sadness i could not stop crying yet i could not show my affection to him. he thought i was cruel by deleting him from my social media. in these two months breaking up, we missed each other like hell. we had our time to cool down, we decided to start texting each other again as a friend. juz friend. we were good, for weeks we spent quality. we never meet but we feel so close. there… go.. we showed each other feeling that he loves me, i love him more. no matter that we cant have each other in real life but love wont die. there is always love, hope and faith.
he once sick n needed months recovery, he was sent to his hometown. i prayed for him, days were hard without him. i cried….hard. we texted so less. thinking n praying he was having recovery made me strong n stronger. he tried to keep in touch with me, he updated me, he even tried to call me……. his health was getting better n he was ready to start working.
he camee backk. all i wanted for him to be healthy. after tht he was so busy working. its been around 6 months. sure we still texting but i feel changes in him. he is not as talkative n we seem to waste time only for sexy talks. he used to wake up very early n we agreed morning spirit can lead to good great day but things now chnged.
he replied my texts so late. he wouldnot touch his phone if he is working. i think men cant focus in two things, he cant focus on work while texting comforting me. i sent textes in the morning, he replied midnight n just some words. the reason for late reply is because he overslept n he needs to get ready for office n once in office, job is first. this keeps happening n happening… i told him many times im not comfortble n if he thinks i waste his time then we can end this. i was gone mad for many times it drives me crazy. every fight we had, made us sad, made us even closer. i know he has changed, he might not care at all for me. but why still he says he loves me? now i love him forever. he says he cant live without me and i will tell him i love him too. he wanted to see parts of my body, he got it. we shared very special thing. things back to good but next days it seems like he forgets what he has said to me? again he doesnt care. he doesnt bothered by my texts, late replied n only words. becoz he is busy. okay he is so busy. although there are times he will spend time for me n we do long texting, but i feel we dont discuss anything at all, its just mostly about love. i miss the old him. where is our texting quality. i wanna spend quality and long time texting doesnt guarantee it. im speechless. the old him, where now? T.T
i dont know how i can hold on during these six months, how many times i have cried for him, how how uncomfortable i felt, how long i have been waiting for him, how many texts n questions for him which are unanswered, but funny how we keep saying we love each other for thousand times. i care for him and the OLD him ever told me that he wanted me to be happy, he hates seeing me hopeless. now i realised that THOSE MONTHS, those many times i went crazy n debate with him, ohh i shouldnt sound that needy, i really shoudnt sound that hopeless.
he has been so busy until this end may 2014. speechlessssss, i miss him, i love him, i miss him, i love him. he will be away for these two weeks (starting early june to mid june) becoz its his sister’s marriage n he needs to take care many things n internet is limited. i said to him tht im happy about it n hope all go smoothly.
he said to me to stay cool (dont drive myself crazy) n he loves me he will miss me n he will be with me, when he has time, he will text me.
now is 8th day since he went away. he texted few texts last wednesday. like ” hello, im so busy here, pls dont wait for me, take care” i texted him back nicely with positive spirit i have, i texted lots love. he replied “yup” n i texted kissing his forehead n he didnt replied since then.i texted again “kissing ur forehead” the next day but he doesnt reply. i know he has read my texts n i see his “last seen time” he was there on thursday n friday too however i get no replies. his skype is online too but never chat me.. for sure i wont text him again if he doesnt reply. however he always be in my heart mind.
what should i do.,
do u have any idea about my situation now.. i want to be happy, i love n miss the old him.
thank you.
People change, and he may have changed. Then again, he may simply be that busy. There have been times when I have neglected to respond, even after seeing a message. I have also walked away with skype on, or left the computer on with facebook up. Both make it look like I’m there, when really I’m not. It is not something either of us can know. Only he can say.
But I like your strength and your attitude. You deserve to be happy. If he does not wish to be a part of your happiness, he will become a fond memory, and you will move on with your life.
Thank you a lot…….
You are most welcome. I’m glad you took the time not only to read the post, but to comment as well.
Dear Sir..
I read what i complained earlier about my situation before i send this reply. Seems like nothing changes- the same bad feeling. I read this book “Men are from Mars and Women from Venus”. I noted well i shud give him the space he needs but im done waiting for his convenient time to find me. He wants me to understand him. Two days ago he texted coldly, i was cheered up when he texted and i got things to ask/share, waiting for his feedback but all he could say was ” im busy”. The next day he didnt show up again, yesterday i got so angry, i talked rude by saying he is dead, couldnt he inform me well, àll i need to do is have faith and faith without him giving me any proved actions. He doesnt care what im doing now, he doesnt care how my days had been going on, i noted he is a man n he can take care of himself and he wants me to take care of myself.
If that is… What is the need to have him in my life? He isnt there when i need, he feels stressed to handle me, im not a girl who is crazy enough craving for his love and i dont want him around 24 hours, i can give him the space he needs but im freak out as his attitude is careless, i have spoken to him, i wish he could be nicer to me, spare some seconds to reply my texts, be more talkative when he has time.
Yesterday our chat ended so badly. He said that im “selfish, mad, crazy, i dont want to understand him, Silly”
This is our ending.. im sad.. but asking him to come back wont change anything. I can say sorry and im going to have the same result, same sadness. He will look me down more. Its just have to be the end..
Pls give ur comment… Thank u
It sounds like this one was not meant to be. While all of us have room for improvement, it sounds like he has more room to improve than most. While it might not be pleasant, it sounds like you are better off without him.
It also sounds like you have come to that same conclusion. It will be a rough time, but you will survive, and thrive, if you so decide. Take time to take care of yourself, and remember to keep a positive attitude in troubling times.
whoever you are you are doing such a great job. Thank you so much for everything!
Thanks for stopping by, and for the kind words. I’m glad the blog has meaning for you. I hope to hear from you again.
I am 23 and I am in an relationship with my boyfriend for 8 months now. He is my second relationship and my first relationship lasted 3 months. We are very happy with each other, we connected on many levels and we share many common interests, and we can connect well on an intellectual level as well. We have absolute transparency with one another, and we are both loyal and trustworthy.
He is 28, and divorced. His previous and only relationship which he in the end got married to, lasted 7.5 years. Apparently he said he was young, he didn’t understand relationships and he got married to her because back then he was in a bad space, he felt he wasn’t good enough for anyone and he was an insecure individual because he also had epilepsy. His ex-wife was manipulative and he was constantly on a guilt trip with her, she would break down his character, tell him how common/ugly/useless he is at life, and on top of all that, she still says she loves him. He started believing her that only she would want her. The marriage itself was 2 years, and it ended because she cheated on him, he could no longer tolerate as that became the final deal breaker. When he left her, he left everything to her included his assets, and supported her financially for 2 years as that was on the legal contract. For that reason he went into debt. (he has now)
When i met him, our relationship started off with a friendship, he really really had the biggest heart. He is an soft sensitive guy, and I felt his love for me was selfless and he always puts my need before his. Loving me is not an effort for him, nor is it an effort for me. He can self reflect, he looks at the world with my lenses before he puts on his. He is willing to change, willing to listen and willing to make us work. I see all this amazing strong qualities in him. Later on, we could be as transparent with each other as possible. I makes me feel my heart is safe, and i actually believe he can in fact, protect my heart.
Problem comes now with my parents, it all started when my dad met him. My parents loves me A LOT. My happiness means everything to them. My dad feels we are not compatible, his past is too complicated and I am innocent, and he has all this baggage from his past. My dad says it’s unfair that I have to carry his baggage with him, and my family don’t trust me with him because of his past. They have this prejudice that because my boyfriend’s mom and dad are both in their third marriages, it increases the risk of him divorcing for a second time also. They feel he should know his place in life, and he should do me a favor by letting me go because I am young and I deserve to have grounds to seek for my own happiness, but a happiness without him. My boyfriend disagree with my dad, because he feels confident that he can treat me right, and it’s not like he can’t give me a child or he is terminally ill, in that case, it’s something he cannot give and he will be willing to let me go so i can see for what i want. My dad is persuading me to move on, He is trying to tell me I am young and I should not waste time, and time is valuable, on a relationship that I won’t receive blessings on. My parents don’t bless my relationship with him, they refuse to know him better, and they told him to leave me alone.There is problem, where everyone looks at life differently, life is not black and white but shades of grey.
I am now stuck with 3 choices:
one: go underground with my boyfriend, and with time, we can prove our relationship to them. (endure the guilt of having to go against my parents)
two: fight my parents, fight for my relationship (will cause conflict, my mom recently got cancer, and that’s being selfish and not looking after her emotional well-being)
three: let go, and if we mean’t to be, it will be. (I will be heart broken)
At some point in time, you have to become your own person, and make your own choices, as well as live with the consequences.
Your parents raise issues which bother them. Please try to understand that they have a few years experience, and have had friends and acquaintances go through similar situations. They want what is best for you, and are trying to give you the benefit of their experience and wisdom.
However, they don’t know him very well, and have little emotional contact with him. You are trying to explain that to them, but it (apparently) isn’t working well enough to calm their fears.
Do you love him enough to turn your back on your family, or to risk fighting with them? You have to answer that question first. Once you answer that, the path forward, while not the easiest, should be fairly easy to find. Staying on it may prove more difficult. And the worst path would be to anger or leave your parents, and then find out that they were right. Consider that possibility as well.
There are no easy decisions when the heart is involved. My only comment is that if this is just your second relationship, you might want to consider getting a little more experience before settling down.
No matter what, stay strong. Make your choice, and as long as you are backed by the facts, stick with your choice. If events change, you may have to reconsider your position. But always remain strong, and believe in yourself.
Thank you so much for your response. I considered your words very wisely, and I completely understand where my parents are coming from. If i am the mom, i would also doubt the integrity of the man my daughter is dating, giving his history.
I tried to break up with my boyfriend (I rationalized that to be the best option for us and my family, time heals all wounds… maybe in a few years time I looked back, we both found someone else and might find ourselves quite happy, and this now, was nothing but just a memory) I couldn’t put my foot down as i saw how heart-broken he looked, he said he respects my choice and he loves me enough to let me go, he is also sorry that he couldn’t convince my dad, he felt he disappointed us .He cannot agree with the reason for our break-up.
The next day he called my dad to speak to him again, he wanted to know if there is anything he can do to earn a chance with me . I am looking at all this from the sidelines, and i realized he dropped his pride for me, he accepted all this rejection for me, he fought for me, he didn’t give up on me, he wasn’t angry, he endured it all.
Ever since we met, he cleared his debt, he worked hard and got promoted into product management, he became happy, he became dependable, he started getting business opportunities to travel everywhere, we started sharing dreams, we became a team, we laughed and been sad together. I look into his eyes and I couldn’t break up something that had been this beautiful all along. Where am i going to find someone so understanding, compromising and have this willingness to learn and to change, above all, he can be really good for me as i am good for him. The bottom-line is, I feel i need to stick this through, and i am willing to gamble on him. If things turned out ugly, at least i didn’t give up without an fight…
My parents think we broken up, and we chose to go underground for now (only choice). I do feel guilty. I don’t want to lie, and especially don’t plan on making it a habit or my parents to never trust me again. So what can i do? I feel like such a failure for not being able to put my foot down
Life is full of difficult choices. You have broken the trust of your parents, even if they haven’t found out about it yet. You will have to deal with that eventually.
Don’t feel like a failure, just understand you made a different choice. Consider when or under what conditions you will tell them, and then stick to it.
Did he get a useful answer from your dad? Is there something he can do, or will you have to go against their wishes at some point in time? Are you simply delaying the inevitable?
In this case, you chose the path of least resistance. Stay strong, for at some point you will need that strength. Know that it is within you, if you choose to be strong. One can always choose to be weak. Try to avoid that. 8)
Thank you for the advice; it’s so simple yet so hard to do because you might lose your love forever. I just found out that my bf of almost 3 years cheated on me and it was like a knife to my heart. He says he loves me and wants to make it work but we are in a long distance relationship and now all the trust is destroyed. I feel so humiliated and naive for trusting him and I feel cheated because I was faithful the entire time. I never thought this would happen and now I’m torn between cutting him off completely or be dumb enough to give it another chance. Mind you this was the second time that’s why i feel so foolish. Any thoughts? I’m just overwhelmed right now.
Trust, once broken, is hard to put back together. If I read your comment correctly, he has cheated on you twice.
If that is the case, he seems to have difficulty learning from his mistakes. Consider what it would take for him to learn from his mistakes, or are you simply setting yourself up for the third time, or even a fourth time? When will he stop? It is my personal opinion that people who show themselves untrustworthy are, by definition, unworthy of future trust. Just because it is long distance now does not mean he will necessarily change when you move closer together. He just may have to be sneakier about it.
It won’t be an easy decision, but you will have to make it. What will it be? What more can you endure?
I’m trying so hard to not think about my ex boyfriend, but he is all I think about. Our different religions was the factor of ending the relationship. He didn’t want to end it and neither did I. I pray everyday we will have an opportunity of getting back together. Is it bad to always hope and have faith for something that may not happen? I feel it in my heart it is very possible. Right now we are not talking, because I need space to let go, but my heart not let go. I feel so strongly about him and I know he does to. What should I do? I’ll always continue to have hope, faith, and above all prayer.
Differences can often drive people apart. In the case of religion, it has a significant impact on the future of a couple. If the relationship goes forward, how will the marriage be performed? Under which religion? What of the children? With which religion will they be raised? These are questions which need to be addressed before moving forward. If you cannot come to an agreement to satisfy the families, then you will have to choose between your families or your boyfriend. Does that make sense?
There is always hope. I don’t mean for you to give up, but I do want you to consider what your path forward looks like before you spend too much more time and effort into trying to get back together with him.
In the mean time, I would suggest taking time to improve yourself. What could you use your time to improve about yourself? Physically, mentally, spiritually, or even improve your skills or abilities? You could read, practice, work with a mentor, or any number of other things. You now have the time you used to spend with him. Put it to good use while you sort out what your future holds for you.
It won’t always be easy, but you are stronger than you might imagine. Stay strong.
Hi I’m Antwan,
I too recently broke up with my ex. She was such a great girl. Me (24), her (22). They say age isn’t anything but a number but in my case I strongly disagree. I say this because she was very immature at times. Now don’t get me wrong, I am a man that loves to joke around, laugh, and show my great pearly whites. Plus, laughter is good for the soul. We were together for a total of 8 months, in which I really got to know how she really was. I was 100% loyal to this girl and through various arguments she ALWAYS mentioned how she didn’t trust me. That got to me. I have a bachelors degree, I’m a legal assistant. She had goals and things she wanted to accomplish but never acted on them even though I constantly encourage her to strive for them but yet she constantly gave me excuses. She was comfortable where she was at, working a part time job at local food store. I’m a man of growth, I want to be the guy to brag and boast my woman’s accomplishments instead of just mines. We constantly argued over the dumbest things that an average couple would NOT argue about. That got to me. She had a terrible temper, in which I found out she was bi-polar. Her household was totally dysfunctional. She would go through my phone and Facebook messages behind my back. We talked and talked and talked. I could go on and on all the things I went through. Then one day I just came to my senses that this was not the relationship for me. So I simply told her that I could no longer be with her. As much as I enjoyed her and loved it hurt for me to let her go but I had to do what was best for me! And by the way I love this quote on what you said, “Stay strong, grieving is a natural process, and it will fade with time. You never stop loving that person, you simply move on, and make room in your heart for someone else. Learn from the experience, and become a better person for having known them.” Thanks.
Sincerely, the Lone Ranger.
Thanks for stopping by and for sharing your story.
It can be difficult to come to that realization, and even more difficult to let go, but sometimes it is necessary. I’m glad you found the strength to do what you had to do.
You are most welcome, I’m glad that the words provided you some comfort.
Its hardest to let go. The man I’m in love with is married to someone else and says he cannot break his marriage up. We were in love before he got married and kept telling ourselves that things would never work out between us. That didn’t stop us from seeing each other or just falling in love with each other day after day, everyday. I know I made a mistake and didn’t stop him when he got married. I want to undo that mistake. I want him back, not because he isn’t mine, but because i need him – I’ve always needed him. I know he loves me, still does, but is stuck under family and societal pressures. I can’t seem to let him go. I don’t want to let him go. And I know he does
not want to let me go..But I can’t live like this. I can’t be the other woman. Why can’t two people who love each other..just be.. We all make mistakes. Shouldn’t we get another chance?
Thank you for sharing your story. As sad as it is, it may be useful to someone else approaching a similar situation.
If he is unwilling to stand against the pressures in his life, from family and society, then I wonder how well things would have worked for you two in the first place, had he left the other relationship before the marriage. That said, if he had, he would have proven himself strong enough to be worthy of you.
You deserve nothing less than the best, either from yourself or from them. Be strong, and wait for the right person. You are right not to be the ‘other woman’; down that path lies nothing but pain for all three of you.
You will never forget him, and that is how love is. You never stop loving them, you just go on to love others. With time, the parts which hurt will diminish, and the parts which are best will remain. Stay strong, and work on improving yourself, learning new things, trying new things, or perhaps improving at things you already do presently.
As for getting another chance, your choices have given you that opportunity. His choices have taken that opportunity away from him. You cannot control him or his decisions, you can only move forward with your life. In this case, you will be moving forward, without him.
Thank you. I don’t know who you are and what you do. But I want to thank you. Not because you solved my problem, but because its nice to know someone out there is listening, Sometimes I wonder if there is ever a right or a wrong; and if any of this makes sense in the larger scheme of things. Nevertheless, thank you, I really appreciate what you’re doing. Have a nice day!
You are most welcome. Glad I was of some comfort, if not much help. Stay strong, and you will survive.
I was in an abusive relationship for a year now. I was in love with my boyfriend but he always kept putting me down. I broke up with him a week back. I ignored him since then. I sent a mail regarding all the things I’ve wanted like respect, understanding, trust. I hope he comes back as a changed man. I still love him and can’t get over him. I will not let him disrespect me again. I want him back. I miss him
Thanks for stopping by, and for leaving a comment. I hope the post had some meaning for you.
I am glad you realized you had the strength, and stepped out of that relationship. It is normal to miss them and want the good part to come back. However, it is now out of your hands. Only he can make the decision to change.
Stay strong and remember that you deserve the best, both of yourself, and in your boyfriend. Never settle for less from either. 8)
He didn’t come back. I can hardly breathe. It hurts so much! It hurts a lot. I want him back
We do not control what others do, for if we did, wouldn’t they be able to control us in return?
We don’t always get what we want in life, and as unpleasant as it sounds, you’re going to have to get used to him not being there. There will be a process of mourning, for you have experienced a deep emotional loss. But it is a process, and it will move through stages, and you will eventually get through it. Stay strong, and use the extra time you now have to improve yourself.
I apologised if I had hurt him. I shouldn’t have because he then accused me of cheating when he has already been flirting and getting asked out by many girls. I felt like a loser and he called me a whore and he said every sadness I go in my life I deserved and that I would spread my legs for any guy I get so I abused him as well and I blocked him out of my life. It hurts that someone close to me did this but I think I needed to see this ugly side of his to know what kind of a guy he really is. I know that he will never apologise for his mistakes and he can never change. I regret wasting a year with him.
Anger rarely helps a situation, right? However, I believe that you deserve someone who isn’t abusive. Thanks for the update.
He finally wrote a mail back apologising for his faults. My heart says I should forgive him but I don’t think he knows what he’s really sorry for because when I gave him a chance he blew it off. I can’t forgive or forget what he’s done to me as of now. Eventually I will forget him but right now I just miss him.
You never stop loving people, you just move on to loving someone new. He will always have a place in your heart. Yes, he will fade, and with luck the less pleasant things will fade first.
Remember that a breakup has a significant impact on your life. Might I suggest that you take some time and read about how grief impacts your life, and consider how you can move through the stages of grief. Eventually, the grief will stop, the missing him will stop, and life will go on.
Stay strong, you will get through this, and find someone better, even if it might take a little while.
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My boyfriend of almost 3 years and I decided to take a break. When we started dating he had just seperated from his ex wife and was thrilled to be leaving a very unhappy marriage. He treated me like I was the most amazing person ever. He was so sweet and wanted to spend all of his free time with me. His ex wife is supposedly bipolar although from his descriptions she sounds more borderline personality to me. She turned his kids against him, telling them he was abandoning them. Even though he was over at their house taking care of them almost every single day. He even cleaned her house and did their laundry. Probably still does. She did so many awful things to bring him down. He’s very sensuality and she knew what to do to hurt him. He changed a little becoming slightly down after all this. He was so upset about his kids not liking him. They all blamed him for the divorce. Even though he caught her cheating. The kids don’t know that. A few years before the divorce he had lost his high paying job and lost his house and cars and everything. He worked in a restaurant before getting another job in his field but it doesn’t pay anywhere near what he used to make. Since the ex got the house and hit him up for arrearages out of spite because he have her cash and there was no record of it for almost a year, he lives in his parents basement. Two years ago he almost got his old job back. They even told him they were going to hire him. He was so excited. Then at the last minute they got a new manager and decided to hire someone else. He has never been the same since then. He’s negative and unhappy all the time. He used to be funny. He’s almost never funny anymore. All he wants to do is sleep or watch tv. He’s like a completely different person and I’ve spent the last two years waiting for him to get happy and become the old him. Lately his job has gotten super stressful and he hates working there. He’s been treating me like leftovers. I couldn’t take it anymore. He said he needs a break. He hates his life. (Also, he spends his time split between staying at my house, his house, sometimes his kids house when the ex travels, and now he’s away on business trips almost every week. So he jumps around all the time & hates it) He said something has to change. So I guess I’m the only thing he can get rid of. His mom has cancer and needs help so he can’t move out plus he can’t afford to anyway. He says he still loves me and has no desire to be with anyone else. I love him so much. After we broke up he snuggled me all night and told me he loves me twice before he left, kissing me several times as he left. Do you think he might come back after sorting his life? He said he was holding back from breaking up with me because he doesn’t want to hurt me. I know he meant it when he said he loves me. I think he’s super depressed
I would agree that he is ‘supper depressed’ as you put it. He is also stressed out of his mind. Whether he comes back or not will depend largely on how the rest of his life treats him over the next few months. However, he will have to sort these things out for himself. You might be able to help, but your presence may also be a trigger for the frustration and anger he feels, but cannot release.
In the meantime, try to work on improving yourself. No matter what happens with him, you still deserve to be the best person you can possibly become.
Hi, my boyfriend broke up with me over 3 weeks ago. He said he lost attraction and doesn’t love me anymore. He said that he wants to see if there are other girls he can connect with abd have more things in common I cried that day and I spent the day asking him to work things out. He said no, it was final. I stopped the next day and I have left it alone. I love him. I was his first serious relationship and we lasted a year and five months. Any advice?
I emailed him a week later saying that last time I saw him it was a bad time for me and that he should know i decided to but that behind and move forward. He emailed me back thanking me for the note.
is very hard.
Losing someone is never easy, and rarely pleasant. But life changes, and we change as well. I am glad you have shown grace in your last e-mail. Keep hold of the pleasant things, and let the pain fade away.
Stay strong and work on becoming the best person you can be right now. What part of you do you want to improve? Something physical? Something intellectual? Something spiritual? A new skill or ability?
This blog post really made me think.
My situation is that, my boyfriend recently broke up with me. He is jewish and I am catholic. He told his parents and they were a bit upset and thought id be a distraction during his schooling. When we broke up he was crying and very distraught. He kept saying he doesn’t want this and his hands are tied. We want to be with each other but we can’t right now or maybe never. I’m letting go and seeing if it will come back. I felt such a strong connection with him and it felt right. We had such similar morals even with the different religion. It’s sad that we were so happy and things had to end. I just don’t know what to do. I’m trying to be patient.
I have had a few relationships that became great friendships. Sometimes that is how it goes. It sounds like you two are still young, and that means you have time on your side. Much can happen, and perhaps after the summer break, things will look different for you two.
I like that you are trying to be patient. I hope you have better success than I, as patience is not my strongest suit.
Hi. My ex we kind of distance ourselves for about two months. Well because his dad was breaking us up. But his dad has moved away and after the 2 months of us distancing ourselves, he has come back. I did love him.
” If you love something, let it go. If it comes back to you, its yours forever. If it doesn’t, then it was never meant to be. ”
Is it true that he is mine forever? Would appreciate if you reply asap. Thank You.
No one can make that decision but him. Asking me won’t help, as I am not him. 8)
That said, if you truly want the answer to that question, you have talk to the only person who can give that answer to you. I know it is far safer emotionally to ask me, but I cannot help you.
Some of the factors in the decision probably include how feelings may have changed in the intervening months, as well as what his thoughts are on the return of his father (and likely re-breakup of your relationship).
It won’t be the easiest conversation to have, but you need to ask him. I wish I could be more help, but that is all I have for you.
A guy said he really loved me instantly in 2,3 weeks after he got to know me, we remained friends as i did not feel it that way we have had our won disagreements and fights but now after 3 years he is getting engaged and asked me before that too, i said no 🙁 but now i really feel i love him as i let him go. when i told him he talks with too much anger and hatred and doesnt understand one bit but i really like him. now makes me think if he loved me at all as he has got a life to move on with.
A relationship requires two interested parties. It sounds like you two were the proverbial ships passing in the night. If he is gone, and it sounds like he is, always remember with fondness the good times, and let the less pleasant ones slip away.
Stay strong, there are plenty of fish in the ocean, and guys on the land. 8)
Very meaningful phrase indeed. But having that trust is really hard, esp when you know you did wrong and no sane man will turn and come back.
My guy of 2 years left me 3 weeks back. Our relationship was one full of arguments and breakups in between, mostly cause of me as I have a bad temper and felt insecure. He tried to get me to change my temper and I tried to ask him to communicate with me. He said he is now just very sick and tired of how I always said I’d change but just never did so. And every time he sees me he will just be afraid of when I will get unhappy. He says he is not angry in any way, just felt perhaps it’s better to let go as our personalities just didn’t match and he doesn’t see any future.
I am at a loss now. People around me asked me to work on my temper and just let go. I know I have to work on my temper for my future good, and I am now trying my best to act on it. But letting go seems to be the hardest thing to do. Initially I did all the crying begging but it just made him literally run away from me. One week later, I texted him in a clam manner and said I was sorry, explained what and why I did the things I did and asked if he can still give us this last bet together or are we already impossible. He took a while to reply me, saying that we should both focus on our exams now, and to ask again when my exams are over. We have set a rough date to meet again 1 month down, but I am just very scared to hear his second final rejection again. Even if he does accept, I understand that the road down will be even tougher than before and I do not have much time to waste as I will be 28 this year.
I haven’t been contacting him for about a week now. I am still in a mess, though better than the first week but I still feel that emptiness in my heart the moment I wake up. I am so looking forward to meeting him yet dreading it as well. Some days I will tell myself to let him go, and some days I want to try and win him back when we meet again. What should I do?
It sounds like you have a pretty good grip on the problems you are facing. The question is what are you going to do about it? You know that you need to work on your attitude and your temper. You also pointed out that you want to get into a serious relationship sooner than later. Yet you haven’t really worked on your issues. You have the better part of a month to show you have made some progress. I would recommend you put some serious effort into that, and the sooner the better.
Find resources, look for books, peer groups, blogs, anything you can to help you understand what must change, and hints on how to change it. You have a short term deadline of a month, and a longer term deadline of probably a year or two, right?
What do you have to do to make the pain of continuing on as you are greater than the pain of actually changing? Until you get to that point, you will not change, as it is less of a pain to just stay the same. Does that make sense?
In the end, you will have to make the decision, take the appropriate action, and live with the consequences. Even if you do everything right, he still may not be willing to come back. That is his decision. But if you keep working on improving yourself, you will find someone worthy of your new self.
Keep improving, and remember you are stronger than you know.
It is really comforting to have someone listening and caring, and for that I thank you. 🙂
I still don’t know what I will do one month from now. Maybe I will let go, as this vase has suffered too many cracks to be mended. Personalities can’t change and we might end up missing the right ones if we cling on. Maybe I will ask for him back, use 6 months to try with no regrets and see if it comes out stronger than before. Or maybe I will rather we just slip by without meeting up and leave the hurt behind. There are many possibilities but I’m just taking it slow for now. I will know when the time comes, or he will let me know by then. For now, it’s one positive thought each day and learning to appreciate what’s around. I know I can do this and 5 years down, I will look back and laugh at these all. 🙂 Will be back to write again some time. Do continue posting! 🙂
You are most welcome. Glad to see you are taking some time to think this through. Stay strong.
I am leaving, like, I won’t be able to text really or be able to see him. And feels I am letting him go. I told him we could be strong while I wouldn’t be able to do much of anything with no contact. And, I told him I would come back around when things got better. But, I am he won’t come back for me and stay with me. I hope you can help me. Because I feel a little confused and lost and would like a much of a better understand.
Hope you can help me, thank you.
Sorry to be so long getting back to you. Hopefully you have figured out what you are going to do. There is nothing you can do to force him to come back. That will take time, and there is no guarantee that things will work out the way you wish.
While you wait, may I suggest that you spend some time working on becoming a better person? Patience is something everyone I know could use a little work on improving. How are you at that? Relax, take deep breaths, and enjoy what is around you, not be sad for what is not.
And always remember to stay strong.
Thank you for this inspiring post as well as the comment-response part.
I was in a serious (living together) relationship with my partner for over 5 years when one day last October I found out that she was flirtatiously contacting a guy she met, which was her company’s client. I was really upset and I told her how I felt, but there and then she said it’s better off if we are just friends. I asked her to give our relationship another try ’cause I could not let her go as I really love her with all my heart.
Due to her work nature, we see less of each other and many nights apart. I became insomniac and in the end I fell into depression and needed professional help. Our relationship became worst over the months as I pushed her too far; blaming her for my depression, for the money I had to fork out for my treatment as well as for losing my job.
I never stopped for a while to think of the impact on her from all my selfish ways and words over the past few months. When I finally realized my actions, it was too late; her love for me has gone and she was determined to end the unhealthy relationship. I see emptiness in her and the sparkle in her eyes she once had for me was already gone.
I finally unwillingly let her go because I just want her to be happy and give her the life she wanted. She deserves it and I am of course sad for not being a part of her happiness but as this article all about, “If you love something, let it go. If it comes back to you, its yours forever. If it doesn’t, then it was never meant to be”
I never stopped loving her and everyday I regret the things I did as I know I went overboard, only heavens know what hell she went through when I went bezerk.
My love for her never ceased and I cry everyday thinking of our memories together and the hell I put her through. I know that she will never be mine again, but sometimes I wished things had been different. I am still unable to love anyone else as much as I do her, although I have had other loves in my life before her. She is different – from the start I knew she will be the last love of my life whom I will spend my whole life with. I felt it in my bones from the day that I told her I love her that she is the one – my soulmate.
Although letting her go is hard, but it doesn’t mean I will stop loving her.. I hope she finds happiness and live her life to the fullest. If she somehow unexpectedly comes back even after years and years, I will be there with open arms as a better and matured person that she deserves.
Just remember, grieving is a process. Eventually, things will get better. Thank you for sharing your story, and I’m glad you have realized that you had to let go. You will never stop loving her, but you may find you will love again. Just remember, no two loves are the same, and to give your next love everything you have and not judge them by your prior loves.
Thanks for stopping by, and remember that you are stronger than you think. Never forget that.
Hi. My boyfriend of 5months dont love me anymore. I was in my lowest and painful break up when I met him. I am ready to leave my job, have a new life and move on when he came in and promise to help me forget about my ex. I got confused that time. I dont know what to do. But because he is persistent he convinced me to stay. We started our relationship. Getting to know each. Sharing dreams and hopes. Everytime I am with him I compare him with my ex. I mistreated him.Took him for granted. Hurt him constantly. Pushing him away because I felt I am not the right girl for him and I thought that he cant help me forget my ex. I break up with him many times because I am not certain of myself and of my life. But he keep coming back. I think I am being unfair to him. But he still insist his love for me. Slowly slowly my love for him was growing. Unknowingly his love is fading during those times of fights and when he learned I am still contacting my ex. He sneak on my phone and check my viber or fb or sms without my permission. He dont often tell him I love you. But something in me whats to love him and give back the love he is giving. Until one day he conceded when I break up with him for the 4th or 5th time i think. I thought I will be fine. He is gone. This is what i want. But it was too late when I realized all my mistakes. I begged for him to come back but he said he dont love me anymore and he is all fed up with my attitude. Can i blame him? I push him away. I dont show respect and love to him. I am an idiot for taking for granted the man I thought I will never love. I want to prove to him now that I love him but he doesnt want me anymore. should I give up or just let him go? 🙁
The question regarding giving up or pursuing him, in my opinion, is secondary. The first thing I think you should do is heal yourself. You have to finish getting over your other ex first. That means giving him up, and no longer having anything to do with him. Then you have to work on your issues regarding taking people for granted and mistreating them. That may be simply acting out regarding your ex, and these issues may go away as you get over your ex. Once you are better, you can consider how you will move forward from there.
Think of it this way. You’re a car with a flat tire, and you are wondering if you should try to chase after one boyfriend while the other is sitting in the back seat. You gotta get the ex out of the car and fix the tire before you can go chasing after someone, right?
Probably not my best explanation ever, but I hope you get the point. You have some things to get straightened out before you are going to be ready to take another shot at a relationship. But you are stronger than you know. You can get through it. Take care of yourself first.
I am in the process of knowing myself more & letting go of the pain & grudges of the past. I want my current ex to be happy. I want myself to be happy. I know I have a long way to go I know, but I am hopeful I can get through this. Thank you soo much.
Glad to hear you;re doing better, and that you have an idea where you are going. Stay strong, believe in yourself, and never give up.
I was wrong when I believed that my ex loved me. I am so guilty of the bad things Ive done to him and then learned that he is in a relationship now? He even publicly posted his new girlfriend in social sites. Its only 4 weeks since our break up. How can he move on that easily? or maybe is he never loved me from the first place.
Hard to tell what his thoughts or reasons were. He is a wound, and you will need to let him go in order to heal. If you keep looking at what he is doing, you will be picking at the scab and keeping the injury from healing. Let him go, he obviously wasn’t all that good.
Now that he is gone, take some time to work on yourself. You said you had a few things you could improve, so why not start with those? Improve yourself, because you deserve to be the best person you can possibly be. Do it for you, and enjoy the new, improved you.
It’s scary to let go. I’m trying my hardest and I miss her. No calls, no texts, nothing. We both love each other very much, but if it doesn’t work. This life won’t be for me anymore. I’ve dedicated my life to that one person and I don’t care to look for another. People say these things pass, but I don’t want it to pass. I’ve had many other girls and this is the keeper. I can only hope, she begins to miss me.
It’s just the past 3 years have been so heavenly. We turned each others lives around. School and work tear up relationships sadly, their a forever embroidering curse to relationships. We know, because we both have said it. If only we could all just spend everyday with the ones we love, without having to worry about sacrificing our lives for both. Life needs a change.
The whole working and making ends meet is killing everyone. Ruining the lives around them. Desperately trying to make a living to be with the ones they love. I can see it through the generations of my family and my friends families. I see it everyday, the whole world is like it. Why aren’t we changing anything? It’s sickening and a little scary. Slaves to our hearts and to the people around us. Never free, from the minute we are born.
If you think something could be done better, then you are already on the path. You have an idea. Work on it. How can you still live, and have less stress? How can you survive without ruining your life? It might begin with definitions. What do you mean by ruining? How much must things change before it is no longer ruining, but something else?
Take some time and see if you can find a better way to gain what is important to you, a path with less stress. Many people get more stress by trying to do more. Have a larger house, a nicer car, a bigger TV, whatever it may be. That doesn’t mean it’s wrong or that you should live in a mud hut, walk everywhere, and have no TV, not at all. But for each of us there is a point when more is no longer beneficial. Do you need a nice house or a mansion? Do you need a functional car or a luxury car? At some point your needs are satisfied and you are stressing over something you don’t need. Where are these lines, and what of your ‘wants’ are you willing to sacrifice to reduce stress?
There are no easy answers. You will have to look within yourself to find out what really matters to you on this day, and what you are willing to do to get what is truly important. Or you can simply follow the path everyone, same as nearly everyone else, and get the same results as nearly everyone else. I think you already said what you thought of the latter. What will you do?
That is nice that you have both pleasant and less-than-pleasant memories. Focus on what you had, not in the loss of what you had. Kind of the same way you focus on what a sunny day feels like on a gloomy one, not in the loss of the sunshine today, but on the glory of a sunny day you remember.
I would like you to consider refining your comment a little, if I may. Do school and work tear up relationships, or does stress? The time you have to spend focused on other things and the stress involved, I believe, is what is putting stress on the relationship. Without coping skills, without the ability to handle that stress, the relationship will suffer.
Life will always have things to do. There will always be things competing for your attention. School, work, children, chores, broken household appliances or upgrades. There will always be something. You must learn to cope, to handle the stress, and to find a creative or at least non-harmful way to release it.
While you have a little extra time on your hands, it might be useful to take a little time and find something which helps you cope with stress. Music? Sports? Painting? Volunteering? Working in the shop (automotive, wood, metal, whatever)? Reading? Cooking? What can you do to help yourself and, as a bonus, help others?
Life will change, but I doubt it will change in the direction you would like it to go. However, if you would like to change the world, how would you go about doing it? Start with the only thing you can actually control, yourself. What would you have to change in yourself to live the life you desire? What habits would you have to change, what could you do differently?
Also consider why you go to school and why you work. How can you gain the fruits of school and work, while applying less stress to your life and relationships?
Of course, you don’t have to do any of these things, but it might be something to take up some of your free time and possibly solve some problems for you at the same time. 8)
With any loss, there is a progression of feelings. You can find many resources online, but this is a fairly well accepted description of what many people go through: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/K%C3%BCbler-Ross_model#Grieving_a_break-up
It isn’t so much that it passes, at least in my experience, but that the parts which hurt diminishes and the parts you like remain or become stronger.
Give it a little time, the initial sting can be quite sharp. However, like a cut, if you keep peeling the scab off, it will never heal. If you cannot let go, and spend all your time focusing on what hurts, you will never heal either. She might be back, and she might not. No one knows. She might not even know. At least not until some time has passed.
It’s going to be a rough ride, so tighten your safety belt, and ride the emotional roller-coaster which is a breakup.
Cory, If she really loves you, I’ll tell you now there’s no way she will just vanish and never look back. The memories the love you shared, even the argues will hunt her as long as the love is alive in her heart. I don’t know your story and what happened but if you hurt her and that is the reason she decided to walk away, there’s nothing and nobody else than you who can heal the bleeding wound. It works like platelets for a open wound, or hand for the glove. If you know what i mean. You were the sharp ubject to cause the wound and you are the only one who can seal it.
When someone who loves you decide to leave must be that, because if the reason they left is because they found someone else then most probably they stopped loving their partenr. But you say she loves you. Then what is the problem? Love has always been a conqueror. I believe in real love and I know if she really loves you, she’ll come back. If she doesnt I will have hard time to believe she did.
Thanks for joining in. I tend to be very set in my ways, and I don’t always explain things in the way someone else needs to hear it. I wouldn’t have used that analogy, but it works quite well. Thanks for sharing, and I hope it helps others understand. That, after all, is the point, isn’t it?
I met this guy a month ago and i was fully aware he has a girlfriend and we set boundaries early on because he seemed to really want to be my friend and i didnt want to get too close to him because he has a girlfriend. We both agreed that we’re just friends so we started talking and we really hit it off… i was on a dangerous path of liking him too much so i have decided to end this “friendship”… i didnt know if it was all in my head.. when we talked, he confessed that it wasnt his intention at first but he is starting to like me a little too much too, he said he wishes he had met me sooner…he said he did think about breaking up with his gf to be with me but it’s wrong, and i agree. I dont want our relationship, if it was ever going to go in that direction, to start out like that….so we both decided to give each other space. 🙁
We both know it’s the right thing to do and dont want to expect or hope that he will come back.
Im just really trying to believe in the quote “If you love something, let it go. If it comes back to you, its yours forever. If it doesn’t, then it was never meant to be. ”
I wouldnt say i already LOVE him, but there is something there that can lead to something greater than love and i just want to do it right. i know it’s a risk but… i think this is the only way. 🙁 I hope he feels the same way.
will appreciate your thoughts on this…
That is a great story. And it is nice to see you took the time to think it through.
Most people who view this quote tend to gravitate to one of the two possible outcomes far more often than the other. Yes, it’s nice to think that it was meant to be, and that they will come back. However, it’s not the only possible outcome. It might not work out. In that case, you have to remember to let them go. They must be who they are, for better or worse (both for you, and for themselves).
I’ve had a number of wonderful friendships bloom out of a close-but-not-quite situation. If you handle it well (which you have so far), that is the worst case scenario for you. Well done!
I have been in a relationship with my partner for 2years and broke up 5years ago due to commitment and communication issues. The day he broke up with me felt like my world ended, we had been best friends for years prior to us being in a serious relationship. In order for him to mend his broken heart he moved to another state, which broke my already broken heart even more. During this time we would constantly talk to each other and see each other, felt like we never broke up, we were closer than ever. My msgs, my visits made him connected to him, made him happy as much as he wanted it to stop he couldn’t let me go.
We recently traveled overseas together with a group of friends and my dreams came true, he declared his love for me and wanted to be together, we were on the biggest high. We continued to see each other for months even though were far apart, That intensity and love we shared many years ago was there again, there wasn’t a day he didn’t tell me he loved me or a minute he didn’t tell me the reasons he ran away from me all those years ago was to stop loving me.
So yes if it is true love they do come back.
But this is where it gets heart breaking for me, he has fallen back to his pattern of “lying to himself” as he lives in another state he is finding it hard to adapt to a long distance relationship, we discussed the possibility of him moving back home but at this stage he is enjoying where he is and doesn’t know where he will be in a year or 2. We are still very in love with each other, i don’t know what it is or what he is truly feeling but all he says is ” i love you” ” i want to be with you” ” i have to lie to myself” ” coming back is daunting”
any advice ? do i let him go again…3rd time lucky?
The joys (sarcasm) of a long-distance relationship. The only time that worked for me was after I had been married for several years, and had a good solid relationship. Even then, the ‘long distance’ was only two hours away.
You are doing all that you can do. Unfortunately, it takes two to have a relationship, and he isn’t doing so well at holding up his end of it, right? All you can do is try to encourage his good behavior, and discourage that which would damage the relationship. And wait.
But please realize that he may or may not grow out of this stage. He may or may not become the person you hope he will be. He has free will, and may not make the same choices you would.
My recommendation is to do what you can to support him and guide him. However, you should remember that you must come first in your relationships. You must love yourself, even if things don’t go as well as you might wish with him. And remember that you are stronger than you know. Stay strong in the face of whatever comes your way.
I became that negative and needy person that no-one likes, pushing our relationship to arguments and perhaps him away just that little more etc! BUT since my post i have started to read ” The Secret” and it has truly helped me through what feels like the end of the world.
Have realized i can not control his thoughts, his wants and his decisions but to be grateful for what we have.
Laws of attraction teach us ” like attracts like” the more i continue to be needy and pushy i attract the wrong outcome. I have learn’t to let go and BE HAPPY and grateful.The universe will answer my wants and needs if i believe.
It has been a week since MY partner and i have spoken and i feel at peace and thinking clearer on what i want.
Letting go is the best way for any person to come to a choice without any pressure.
All actions are in life are fueled by love and i rather his choice to come back home be fueled by our love rather my nagging demands! If we are meant to be, nothing will stop that from happening, be it next week or in the coming years.
Thank you for taking the time to read my post and replying!
Thanks for stopping back and letting us know how you are doing. Glad to hear things are looking better for you.
It can be difficult to see past the pain and desire, but once you do, the path is much clearer, isn’t it? That doesn’t mean it will be easy. But with the path before you more clearly seen, you can more easily endure what must come.
Stay strong, and keep improving yourself. You deserve nothing less than the best, especially from yourself!
I came across this page and was amazed that you took the time to reply to everyone. It made me feel comfortable enough to share the silly thing I’m sad about.
I know two months isn’t long but I was seeing this guy a lot at his request. He contacted me every day. He adored me. One night I told him if anything changes with how he feels he can tell me honestly because guys have disappeared on me before. He said we were good and he liked the honesty. Things seemed normal but after that night i never heard from him. I text him to apologize if I said anything to offend him. I called and no answer. I text him one last time telling him how great he is and that i was sorry for whatever i did. It has been almost 3 weeks since then. Maybe i said something stulid but you’d think after two months and meeting each other’s friends and family that you woild be worth a conversation. For some reason though i think he’ll be back.
Usually when someone over-reacts, it isn’t to something you said, but because something you said reminded them of something very unpleasant in their past. That is my guess as to what happened in this case.
How spooked is he, and will he ever be back? There is no way for me to know. It sounds like you know some of his friends. Have you reached out to them to find out what happened? Perhaps a message passed to him by an intermediary could help. But it might not. He has done something, and he will have to come back, if he desires it. All you can do is try to fix the communication issue.\
Stay strong.
Thank you for taking the time to write a thoughtful response to a stranger who is struggling.
I know he had a bad breakup and never really wanted to talk about it. He called her “crazy” but it wouldn’t be fair for me to agree since i didnt know their situation or what she was going through. I was understanding. I blame myself for what I said to him but I didn’t think it was terrible. Either way, you’d think with all the care and compassion i showed him that he’d feel open enough to speak to me. I just can’t get over how someone can just cut someone out so quickly but I guess that should be enough reason to let go. Thank you.
You are most welcome. Thanks for sharing your experience.
I’ve been with the same guy since I was 15, now 20. we had broken up about a year ago (his choice) we were stuck in a routine. but then after 6 months apart he came crawling back and I couldn’t help but go back there… we’d been together 6months again argued a bit as couples do and then I find out from a friend he has took another girl out and kissed. it was horrific I never thought he’d do that to me. I didn’t end it I wanted to get passed it as it could of been worse. what got me was that after he grovelled for me to stay he never put any extra effort into me not wanting to text, not wanting to call or not asking to see me I always made the move. and after you’ve been cheated on that’s even worse to deal with because I gave him another chance! anyway now he’s decided that it’s because it’s his career is his focus not me. since being apart he said he loved me didn’t wanna loose me… but didn’t act upon it. is he just a sweet talker. he finally said he wants to be rich and have a happy family… and to do that he needs to focus on his job. but I never did anything wrong. I was the one who was lied to and taken for granted yet I still end up here! he’s a head **** and I feel as though 5 years have been wasted on someone. he’s always come back.. will he again or am I better off without him no matter if he comes running in months to come.
Thanks for stopping by and for sharing your story.
Sadly, some people are jerks. It sounds like you found one. And it also might be that he has become lazy when it comes to relationships. You keep taking him back, despite how he behaves towards you, so he has little incentive to behave.
There is no telling what he will do. He may move on to the next easiest relationship he can find, or he might snap out of it. Then again, he may simply claim to have snapped out of it. Who knows.
My belief is that you are better off without someone who would take advantage of you in that manner. You deserve better. Stay strong and keep your head held high. You are worth it, so take good care of yourself.
Hi…
My boyfriend just broke up with me after watching his parents go through a divorce. He is younger than me (22) I’m 26 and I was his first proper gf. We were together a year and he absolutely adored me. I felt that I couldn’t match his love. He would look at me and say that he had to pinch himself that we were together. We didn’t really fight and really enjoyed each other’s company. He is just as sad as me! He says he is so confused and he wishes he could freeze me and come back in a few years. That he didn’t want to meet me until later on in life. He has asked for a month. Before this is has been back and Forth for about 6 weeks with me practically begging him. He says no because he gets a bad feeling in his stomach. I know it’s not to do with other girls as he says he is terrified of moving on. It’s now been 7 days of NC and I am so sad. What can one month really do. I don’t get it?! We loved each other and he called me his world….
Having watched my parents divorce in my late teens, I think I might be able to help you understand what he is going through. His entire life is falling apart before his eyes. Regardless of the issues in his family, there was some stability in having one. Now that has been taken from him. He is adrift in a sea of doubt, both of others and of himself.
If his foundation, his family, was not what he thought, what else in his life is similarly messed up, false, or not even real? He will need some space and some time to get his head wrapped around this issue. Please give it to him. Do not add to his stress. Be there to comfort him, not to harass him. Try to see this from his point of view.
He might come back. He might not. The only sure thing is that if you keep pestering him, you are far more likely to drive him away than attract him back. You will need to be strong for him, and you will need to be gentle to him.
Probably not what you wanted to hear, but that is what I went through, and what it sounds like what he is going through. Please give my words some consideration, and see if any of it fits his (and therefore, your) situation.
Thank you very very much for getting back to me. I will take this very seriously and give him the space he needs… Even when this month is over I will make sure I’m there for him but not pressuring him
Back into our relationship- he has bigger issues. And yes I agree, I was driving him away. He was practically begging me for space but I was so upset and shocked with the breakup that is was virtually impossible. Thanks again for the advice
You are most welcome.
Should I message him saying I hope he is ok. But not ask any questions or anything…?
I don’t know him well enough to give you much help with that. Trust yourself, and give it a bit of time before acting. You probably already know what you should do, and may be hoping someone else will give you a reason to do what you want to do. Do what is right, what is appropriate for the situation. You know it far better than I do.
I know I love my wife even though we have been through the steepest of ups and downs but she still has resentment towards me and leaves me constantly. I will always love her for who she truly is but how do I show her that I an trusting and she can be amazing and comfortable with me…..love you babe. Hope to see u soon….
It sounds like at least one of you needs a little help. That isn’t normal behavior, and should be addressed before things get worse.
Stay strong, and work to keep the relationship, as it appears you are quite certain of it. But you are dealing with another person, and you can never control their behaviors, attitudes, or beliefs. It will take time and effort to help her understand you and to change her behaviors, attitudes and beliefs.
i will be working quite a bit over the next little while and with the better weater I will be heading outside to focus on training and working out. I am not waiting by the phone, I do work nights ; so I find myself thinking about her most while I’m stuck at work. That’s where I find my weaker moments. i agree that it is definitely encouraging, however I am waiting for her to message me at this point, I’ve sent a letter back in February, Now this email in April. I have done all I can ; just now to work on myself and better my situation.
Excellent! And a great attitude as well. Stay strong, and continue to work on becoming a better person.
hey I still have not recieved anything from her directly but i ahve gotten more notifications, one fot hem coming at 3:09AM. Obviously it seems to me I am on her mind possibly in her heart. Maybe she is thinking of somethig to say and she is just not ready? I will wait as long as I need to. I love this woman with all my heart and I am convinced that she is my soulmate. Never felt love this fiercely before.
Well, that does sound encouraging. My question for you is what will you do with your time? Waiting by the phone isn’t very productive. Stalking her isn’t a good idea (and is illegal in many parts of the world). Hopefully you have found something to do to improve yourself while you wait. Even working with a charity is a way to improve your life, as well as the lives of others.
Stay strong, and keep busy. Not to crowd her out or forget her, but to improve yourself. Again, not for her, but for you. You deserve to be the best person you can become.
I will add my personal 2 cents from someone who’s experienced that situation and came off worse, you really need to COMMUNICATE with her, i cant emphasize this enough. Tell her how you feel, express yourself, you seek closure on this issue, these impure thoughts in the back of your mind will only keep you from being happy unless you resolve them. If i could go back i would of made things different, don’t be like me friend.
Hi philosiblog! This is my story:
I had a boyfriend for 3 years, he was my first boyfriend. Our relationship was great! We loved each other a lot! Until, the last months we were together, we started to fight every day for every little thing and i felt that i wasn’t in love like before. We broke up! 4 months later, i went to study abroad and i met a very nice guy who attracted me! Then, we decided to try as a couple for a few weeks and it didn’t work. My ex boyfriend found out about that and he desperated! I felt very sad for him! We separated for 5 years, and during those years, once per year, we usually met to talk about our lifes, drink a coffee and give us a kiss
It sounds like he still has a bit of a crush on you. But, as you said, it was ended many years ago. He needs to move on with his life.
Thanks for stopping by and relating your story.
Heres my situation:
I met this guy through a mutual friend. We didnt really notice eachother at first.. then two months passed by. He messaged me. We hung out.. then started dating in Jan 2012. It was amazing. the first year an a half we were in love, then we just kind a started drifting apart, on and off again. I was in love… then end of 2013 is when it started to go down hill. I basically had to beg him to spend time with me… Then after the holidays i decided to let us have a break, I hate breaks. I figured he needed time. So two days after the break… he calls and says i dont want this at all anymore.. of course im devastated. Ive been so upset for the past 5 months. calling 100 times a day practically/texting/begging/pleading/doing anything to try and win him back from january till beginning of march.. all my friends say let him alone. hes not coming back. he is annoyed. he says stop bugging me about getting back together stop talking about us. It hurst.I loved him so much. I dont know what to do… Ive went no contact with him for a week. and then cracked and talked and asked him about us again, he gets annoyed, then i go no contact for another week, but i cant make it past a week. Ive waited 4 months.. I just want to know if he will come back.. He is the love of my life. I think about him all the time. He was in love with me deeply and talked about the future and believe me we were on the same page for a year an a half. We never cheated on eachtoher or never did anything wrong. he just said he lost feelings for me. and he needed space and i felt the need to express my love and do everything to make him love me again. I dont know what to do anymore.. Ive tried everything.
People change with time. That is a fact of life. Some draw closer, others drift apart. You seem to have managed to get in a relationship where you did the former, and he did the latter.
My guess is that you have not helped your position by being needy and begging, pestering, etc. It sounds like he has moved on. You now face a choice. You can pursue him, at least until he takes out a restraining order (I’m joking, I hope you’re not that crazy), or you can step back and take a deep breath.
The more you chase him, the farther you drive him away. That won’t get you to where you want to be. Letting go isn’t easy. But it looks like it has to happen. He has already done so, and now it is your turn. The only question is what will you do with your time? Will you stare at the phone and cry? Or will you find something interesting you always wanted to do, but never had the time? Take up a hobby or improve at something you already do. Travel, take up or improve another language, there are plenty of options at a variety of costs in time, effort, and cash.
In my opinion, you are either improving, or you are degrading. There is no such thing as staying exactly the same. If you sit by the phone, you will be degrading. Instead, I urge you to find something useful and helpful to occupy your time. Even something like taking long walks is better than sitting next to the phone.
With time, you will not only get better, but the pain will begin to recede. You will never stop loving him, but the hurt will slowly fade. In time, you will look back on the pleasant things and remember only those. It may be a few decades, but it will happen.
You are stronger than you know, take charge of your life, and do something amazing with it. Not to lure him back, but because you deserve to be the best, and do the best things. The choice is yours.
I guess I am degrading then. Because I feel so strongly about this person, I dont want to lose them no matter what. Ive been giving him space. Id rather degrade and have hope than move on and never have him again. You say it may be a few decades. I only have pleseant memories. I dont look at the bad ones at all…. Because I will always want to be with him. Even if I try to look for other men, None will live up to him. Ill probably just be single and alone for ever just waiting for him.
Sorry to hear that. You have so much more to offer the world, and yourself, than just waiting for him.
As time goes by, and his memory fades, you may reconsider your position. In the mean time, stay strong. Take care of yourself, and work to become a better, healthier, and stronger person.
You should find peace in knowing that you have tried absolutely everything and left nothing up to chance to get him back, it is purely his decision not to accept your advances and in the end it will be his loss, because you are displaying a very important trait that sees marriage go for the long-haul; perseverance. At some point you have to walk away because you have tried everything & the pain is only hurting yourself, I wish you find happiness again soon.
i am deeply in love with my gf.we both have sacrificed a lot for each other to not let go as we are in one side and the world around us are against of our relation.but still we are in relationship.today we had a fight as i was smoking and she was against it because she dont want me to be like her father.but i had to stand 9hrs to see her and talk in train.i had to stand because if i sit down i would be unable to see as she with her father and so avoiding her father i had to stand in one side so that her father dont see me and she can see me and can answer my question in sign language.i scold her that my sacrifice pain of standing doesnt matter u but my bit smoking mattered u and she was quiet..so wat was this?does she love me truely?was my scolding correct?
I can’t tell you what is correct or not. But it sounds like you have to decide which is more important to you, her, or smoking. It sounds like she is quite insistent about that, so you probably don’t have the choice of both, it will likely be one or the other.
As for standing, if she is worth it, you would walk across broken glass and smile. If not, you may have the wrong girl. Just something to think about.
Well this past wednesday I sent an email trying to open lines of communication. basically saying ” hey I’ve been thinking about you a lot; meet up for 20 minutes over a drink to catch up? you pick the time and the place; i’ll be there” no response as of yet, but I did forget there is notifications on the account when read or opened. I ahev recieved 9 since wednesday night. No response back though. am I reading too much into this? or is she planning a response back? any thoughts are welcome
I don’t know. How often does she usually check that account? Do you know if you’re on a blacklist or otherwise blocked from her even seeing the e-mail?
Give her what you feel is an appropriate amount of time, then try getting her attention in some other way. A text, a note, or by way of a mutual friend, ask if she got the e-mail. That response should tell you what you need to know. Who knows what she is expecting of the meeting or what she thinks your motives are.
Good luck with your inquiries, and remember to stay strong. She might not be ready yet, but keep working on improving yourself while you wait. It might be a while, you never know.
She left me last summer and it was horrible, the period after that was the worst time in my life, i felt so strongly towards her and couldn’t let her go, i kept kidding myself that i had let her go but it’s hard, in february she came back to me, i let her back in because i realised i’d never be able to truly stop loving her and we’re very happy now, but she has her issues, she gets very depressed and has anxiety issues and i can’t always help which kills me. When we were apart she sort of went a bit off the rails, she broke up with me in the first place because of depression and ‘knots in her stomach’ it’s hard for me to understand but i believe now that she never stopped loving me, and she’s always said that was true. But while we were apart she became extremely depressed and became a different person, she slept with a few people during that time and it’s even hard writing that because just thinking about it makes my stomach turn and makes me feel a bit sick. Sometimes even though we’re happy now i think about it and it makes me really sad, i can’t really talk to her about it because it’ll make her feel awful and she gets depressed easily as it is and i can’t bear to be the one making her sad. Any advice on how to get over this feeling by myself because once i’ve done that i’ll have no worries and me and her can just focus on being happy and in love.
Thanks for stopping by and for sharing your story.
It sounds like she has issues which would best be suited to a professional, have you talked to her about seeing someone? Even a support group might be useful for her, or for you.
As for her past, the interlude if you would, do you need to discuss it? You both seem to understand that she was not herself when it happened. Can you understand that she made a mistake while under personality-altering levels of stress? Can you simply let it go? Was it really her in the first place, or was it really someone else?
I think all you need to do is to give yourself permission to be over it, and you will be. Yes, there will be times when you get irritated about it. There may even be times when you are tempted to use it in an argument. Try to let go of those feelings. If you focus on the future, yours personally, hers, and together, you can simply be happy and in love.
If you find an obstacle in your path, ask yourself if you have to move it, or if you can simply walk around it, and leave it behind you. What is this issue to you, truly? Can you walk past it and put it behind you? If you can, then you make everyone’s life simpler, right?
I will add my personal 2 cents you really need to communicate with her, i cant emphasize this enough. Tell her how you feel, express yourself, you seek closure on this issue, these impure thoughts in the back of your mind will only keep you from being happy and moving forward unless you resolve them. If i could go back i would of made things different, don’t be like me friend.
I think I can walk around it, the last couple of days i think i’ve moved on really and it feels really good, we’re doing really well at the moment. She does see a professional sometimes and she is much better than she was before we got back together but that’s something we’re going to have to keep trying to get better, she told me that i fix her just by being with her which was nice to hear and so i’m just going to spend as much time as i can with her making her happy because she’s great, the other stuff doesn’t bother me now i think what you said about give myself permission to be over it and i will is true and i have now, so thanks a lot. For anyone else on here, the quote, it is true i think and if they do come back then it’s amazing but the main thing is don’t wait for it to happen because if they don’t then it’s not going to be amazing and you should focus on yourself and eventually something better and more meaningful will come along.
I’m glad to hear things are working well for you. It is also good to hear your interpretation of the quote and how it can be applied to our lives.
Thanks again for stopping by and sharing your experience with all of us.
I would like to thank you author, not sure if people can recognize that you are showing care and support towards people who are very hurt & vulnerable. You give me more faith in humanity, i am also recently bereaved of my loved one i was in a bad time during my life i had depression, no aspirations or life direction, i also have trust issues, a wonderful woman came along and showed me love and i took it for granted, and now shes gone. Despite my efforts in attempting to get her back she resists as she does see me as the person she fell in love with, i know she loved me deeply, i just hope i can remind her of our strong love we had for each other, i have attempted to contact her but she resists. Its hard but i have to let go and hope she remembers the amazing love we shared together. Thank you for your blog i feel at peace
Thanks for stopping by, thanks for the kind words, and thanks for sharing your story.
You cannot force her to love you. While you await her return, what will you do with the time now on your hands? You listed a few issues you were facing. How are you doing with them now? What else can you do to improve yourself, and heal your own issues? What can you do to improve your issues with trust, one of the things you mentioned?
We are all imperfect beings. But that doesn’t mean we can’t get better. You deserve to be the best person you can become right now. Work on improving yourself, and see where that leads you. You might win her back by becoming someone she could love again, or you might find someone else to share your life.
And remember that you are stronger than you can imagine. Use that strength every day to help yourself, and to help others.
i am making improvements everywhere, I realise the mistakes i’ve made and i’ve learnt from them, not to repeat them. With trust, i have to accept that trust is blind, give it and hope you get it back, if its upheld then that it is true. I am making more discoveries into myself, what aspirations i have and to go for them. I realize i need to continuously improve to be the best person i can be and that will never stop
I used to understand this quote but now I don’t really understand it.
Last year I met this amazing godly man. I have been dreaming of a character of godly man since I don’t know when, but last year I met him. And we hit it off. We grew in relationship, and for several relationships I’ve ever been, this relationship is the most genuine and stabil one, loving and mutual. It is the one you explain before. We serve in the same ministry and we grow together.
But earlier this year, he broke it off because of the pressure from his parents. His parents do not approve this relationship because of culture. They havent even met me. So it was very emotional and I’ve been wondering since, like meeting a genuine godly man is rare, let alone someone who can make us fall in love, AND someone who falls for us as well. It has been two weeks since I decided to cut the contact and let him go but these days I’ve been missing him so much.
So I don’t understand why God shows me true love just to take it away
I won’t presume to talk for God, but if he respects his parents more than you, you will have trouble for the rest of your life. Anytime their wishes ran counter to yours, you would loose. That isn’t a relationship, is it? If your love meant something to him, he would behave differently.
You said such meetings were rare, but that also implies that it can happen again. Hopefully you will find a man next time, not a child still held in thrall by his parents.
In the meantime, consider what you can do to improve yourself. Just as you deserve the best man for you, you also deserve the best you. But the only person who can help you improve is yourself. Stay strong, and work on improving yourself. It is my belief that things will work out eventually. Have patience, and have faith.
Soo! I wanna try this thing too! There’s that guy whom I’ve been in love for over a year! He used to like me too but I don’t know how things ended up that way! I ve already confessed my feelong but i didnt get any answer!Till know we have met for 5 times! We kiss and all we almost slept with each other! But the relationship between us is not defined! But m kinda of sick of this situation! Shall try this thing out!? Let him go and see what happens afterwards!.?
It doesn’t sound like he is all that into you, as the saying goes. It sounds like his heart has already wandered off, even if his body still stops by from time to time. It may be time to let go of the rest of him, and see what else is out there.
I needed to read this… I have been suffering. About three months ago I realized that I had fallen in love with my best friend and I told her. At first, she was taken aback, she was expecting it. In all honesty, neither was I. She told me she needed time to think and for the past several months it has been an emotional rollercoaster. She has been hurt very bad in her past and is extremely cautious if not closed off to letting herself be vulnerable again. I tried my best to be as patient and understanding as I could, but I realized that even though she refused to tell me she didnt like me or that she just wanted us to be friends she could not find the strength to being with me. So two days ago I told her that I could not wait anymore, that I cared for her but for my own sanity I needed to move on. But a large part of me is praying she comes back, that she realizes we are meant for each other. I am so confused, do I move on? Do I date others? Is this really how this ends, with a no answer from her?
Sometimes no answer *is* the answer. Without her participation, you do not have a relationship. What else can you do but move on?
That doesn’t mean you have to start dating immediately. You can take as much time as you need to get yourself pulled back together. Use that time to work on yourself, improving you for the sake of you. You deserve nothing less than the best, and that includes from yourself. Do you want to work on your mind, your body, a new skill, improving an existing skill, or trying something completely different?
Stay strong. You are stronger than you imagine, and you will come through this. It might not end the way you might prefer, but each day is a step down the path of your journey through life. As unpleasant as some of those steps may be, they are necessary to get to the next step. You will get through the suffering and the pain. Life does that to us from time to time.
Stay strong, and keep on working towards your future.
They come back. Mine did after 6 months. We dated 6 years. It took her to go and be with other guys to realize they did not do it for her. She came crawling back. Quietness is deadly. Just be quite and focus on yourself. I promise. Everything will be fine.
Wise council from someone else who has been through this.
It doesn’t always work out exactly this way, but it’s nice to hear from others with similar experiences.
Tahkns for your reply Nate, he always comes back just to leave again. I wished we had a stable love relationship.
My boyfriend broke up with me some days ago, we fell in love instantly almost a year and half a go and since then we have had a roller coaster of emotions and break ups, and cryings and beggings and so on. Not for a second my love towards him changed ever.. I still love him with the same intensity that i fell in love with him. He makes me laugh he makes me cry he makes me angry and he makes me calm.. I just love this man the pure ture love. I believe we are eachother’s soulmate we are eachother’s childhood friends and we are eachother’s everything. Believe me i am not exagerating here, the same goes with him. But he tends to end the relationship whenever we have an argument..sometimes its a mild break up that doesnt last more than few hours, and sometimes it lasts for 2 or 3 days. But despite of him doing that quite often, when this happens each time i find myself heartbroken and miserable. I just can not see my life without this man anymore. Of course my life will go on and i will survive so to speak, but the sad part is there will be a gap a void in me that nothing else will fill except him! Some might say maybe you are not good for eachother and is best to end it for good. But to me this is the real thing we have everything at the same time but we dont how to use it. maybe this is a kind of childish love maybe its deeper love that happens with people in their fourties..i really have no idea. But i speak for my own behalf it is the real thing i have never experience such a force. I have experienced love before but not until i got to know him…right now its been 2 days we didnt talk. We have exchanged some text messeages and he is keep saying that is over. In the end i just accepted it and let him go, even if every single cell in my body screeming noooo. But i can not stop him if this is what he wants so he can have it. I wil love him anyway its just this missing part that is hard. But i have loads of photos and videos that i can watch whenever i miss him, even though they make me miss him even more… Oh God please i let him go but i am absolutely in love with this man and i’ll be waiting for him to come back to me. I know he loves me. Thanks for reading <3 love to you all
If, after 18 months, it is still the same, then your relationship, however loving, is in trouble. Some time off to mature and get a little more stable will help you as a person. If the relationship is renewed, it will help you as a couple. But trying to go back in the way things are now, and do it over and over again, I believe that is just asking for trouble.
If it is over (for the next few days, at least), take that time to focus on yourself and to try to figure out why you are so volatile. Is it just with him, or do you need to work on finding your center, and keeping calm in other situations?
Stay strong, and continue to grow and improve yourself. Not for him, but because you deserve to be the best person you can possibly be. Always remember that, and always strive to be better.
Thanks for your reply, it warms my heart to know someome is listening. It has been like this from the begining and still the same. Sometimes we both wished we could just earase our memory from the time we got to know eachother so it would be easier to go on with our lives without having this love and the heartache to deal with. Love is strange and the bond we make even stranger.
You may say that now, but years from now, once the pain has subsided, you will cherish the memories of the good times. I have heard it said that you never stop loving someone, you just move on to love someone new. That person will always have a special place in your heart. And that is something special.
Why am i so volitile? that was a good question, i have never come to think of exactly that. Generally i am a strong person with a strong will power, but when it comes to the matter of love specially with him, i am so weak and vulnrable. I try to reminf myself that even if he just vanishes from my life is just for the best and i will move on and find myself that i have lost since 18 months ago. But to my disappointment i have come to understand that, if he leaves for good i know eventually i wil be fine and be able to gain myself back. But the sad thing is each time he comes back i accept him with open arms and let him to do the same to me and to himslef. The amazing thing is that we are both 47 years old and both have grown up kids, but when we are together we are like two kids playing in a playground and each time we fall out based on the smallest things. For me its not the end because i know its just an argument and will pass, but each time he thinks this is the end and has to end it! And he blames me for everything. I think you are right we both need to have some time away from eachother to be able to see the things in a better pesrpective from distant. We already go through the pain so frequently so maybe we can exend the time to see what happens. There is one more thing i have to mention, bothe me and him we are terrified that the other person might encounter someone new and and lose the love or interest for good. I mean me terrified that he does and he does the same about me. Maybe thats why he always comes back running… Thanks for listening
Thanks for taking the time to think about the question. It sounds like you might be better off without him, especially if he keeps blaming you for the problems. That, done regularly, appears to be a personality weakness, and that isn’t going to get better until he decides he needs to change. If that hasn’t happened by now, what do you think the chances are that it will?
so i have a girlfriend that is 17 she was dealing with a lot of things and heavy depression and was hurting her self and was put in shepherded Pratt fro two weeks her mom didn’t except the relationship at all and we got engaged and we said each other was are lives and now the day she came home i told her i loved her and her words were prove it and wait till she is eighteen and i said so we aren’t together anymore and she said we were still in a relationship it was just dorm-it and that she needed to fix her self and improve her grades and that we may or may not talk for the remaining 11 months so i haven’t had a really good time understanding what this means I’m 21 and i promised her id wait for her no matter what and i really love her as in truly are in love with her but is it possible that she really wants to be with me and keep it like that without talking for 11 months
If you’ve gone that long without talking, I don’t think that you have a relationship anymore. Sorry, but I believe it is time to move on. If she can go that long without you, she has already left.
Focus on yourself for a little bit as you get over the pain and hurt. Stay strong, and then begin your life anew.
Yeah this seeme to be a great outlet for information I wouldn’t have normally gotten. I don’t know when that contact will come, but I am prepared for it and will not show any ill-will as I know it takes a lot for someone to admit they are wrong. I freely admit what I did was wrong back in January when she needed space, so we both have our faults. I have learne my lesson here and hopefully thinking positive and having a good outlook on life will be my rewards going forward. If she comes back It’s a huge bonus and I fully believe in the quote.
Sounds like you’ve got a good attitude, and a plan. All that remains is to take action. And to remain strong no matter what life may throw at you.
Thanks for stopping back and for the update.
Well, he called me 3 days ago telling me he loves me misses me and wants a relationship with me. I agreed. We are now bf and gf yet he told me he is not about to jump in head first like before but wants us to have a fresh start. He doesnt text like before or call. He is on fb alot! I say I love him all the time (first) he says it back but I am waiting on him to say it first. He has a roomate they seem to do alot together, I see him as a distraction as boys like to hang out. He said we dont live together. I did say we are now in a relationship need to comminicate. Not sure how to go about this. He said he called me it took alot for him to do that, all I hear him say.
Well, it looks like you have a second chance. It also sounds like he has a few rules. You will need to consider the consequences of not following his rules, as he must consider the consequences of not following yours.
You might want to start by acknowledging how much it may have taken for him to have called. Perhaps you could set up a day-time date on a weekend or a free afternoon and spend some time together talking about the relationship and the rules. The way I see it is you can either talk about them at the beginning, or argue about them at the end. What has your experience been?
If you try to control his life and what he does with his time, I can’t see it lasting. Most people don’t like to be ordered around, right? He will likely resent it, and that won’t help the relationship, will it? Part of a relationship is setting aside your desires for the greater good of the relationship. That can be difficult at times, but if you can both give a little, you can get a lot.
Stay strong, and be smart about what you do.
And another turn of events, the place I was going to rent fell through and he suggested I stay with him until something else comes my way. He isnt the same guy he was once. Moving into this place that had his ex there is hard on me, more like I am having a hard time being comfortable. I know I cant compare yet when he isnt the same as before (sharing his feelings etc) I take it personal. I want to love sooo bad but its hard to do when he doesnt give it back. Any advice will be helpful.
It sounds like he still cares, but that is different from love. It looks like he isn’t willing to give you what you desire. Have you talked to him about it, in a direct manner? He may not know what he means to you, and think you’re just a friend and that you’re OK with that. Start with clear communication, and then be willing to abide by the decision. You can’t force him to be what he once was. People change.
Yes I have shared he simply says I am not putting my heart out there anytime soon. We are bf/gf and he does do nice things yet emotionally he just isnt there. He did say he is trying to change but honestly I believe he holds the past in his heart. I have let go of having expectations from him. We use to have alot of fun sex now he says sex isnt his main focus, work is. Plus he has a bad back. Been reading that he may be emotionally unavailable/selfish man. When he drinks, watch out! I was hoping that living together would help us grow closer. I believe people are set set in their ways.
I hope things get better for him, but you can always make things better for you. Keep working, reading, improving. What he does or does not do is beyond your control.
Stay strong, and never forget who you are.
Update, made some changes dor myself. He still isnt ready to give me his heart again learned that he is a narrassic. Decided to let go and focus on the things I like to do. I am a strong believer in the lord that this man is who he is I will not use up my time having all these emotions that hinder my growth. Love is patience not punishment. Great website you have. Thank you for all your advice.
Glad you have achieved some clarity in your life. Stay strong, and keep working on improving yourself.
Thanks for the kind words.
Been kinda contemplating bout should i try to find closure wit a friend who i have a crush on. We started out as jus people at church who chat a little bit tgen leave. We eventually became friends n then became so close of friends that people believed us to be in a relationship but we were only friends. As time went on, she was in a relationship wit someone n that eventually broke away. We still were friends then n she had even told him we were friends n nothing more n he never brought it up because of tge mutual respect that was there. Anyways, we became closer as friends with the long night talks, occasional flirting n going out (somewhat as a date but still friends). But i believe somewhere down that line she began to get feelings for me n i did for her. I eventually asked her bout us dating n she basically said now is not good for her because she has to work on herself n it wouldn’t be fair to me for her not to be fully committed. So i took that n kept moving on but we still were friends. Sometime before this, i began to feel her pull away from me. So one night i asked y she push away n she said she had been ignoring me because she didnt want me to feel like she was leading me on. On tht same night, i said something that crossed her n had her mad at me for three weeks. I hated it. Now we are back on good terms. I still miss our long night talks n fun times together. But i haven’t jus died out. Im back in school while passing, getting back in shape as well. She is still constantly on my mind. We talk but not like we used to. Ive let go of dating n moved on with my life to improve me. I jus want her so bad as mine but if shes meant to be mine then someway itll happen. rt
It sounds like it’s not the ideal place for you, but it could be worse. Keep strong, and keep busy. Improving yourself is a gift from the you of the present to the you of the future. Make it a good one.
i am currently on the market for a guitar – have a few family members who play and looking to learn a new instrument, Also have been working out quite a bit – cardio only at this point but I have found a few sports leagues that I plan on getting back into this summer. I have been working a lot as well to get some financial stability, mentally I feel stronger then I have in a while. Don’t really care if anyone notices or not, I have noticed myself and that is the important thing. Being on your own forces you to do things you normally wouldn’t ; I feel like I am thriving in life right now and good things will come my way , having faith and being positive has helped immensely, having this blog as an outlet for advice has been extremely helpful as well, I thank you for this forum.
Excellent! Glad to hear that you are working on you, your issues as well as your desires. I have always found music profoundly relaxing, both listening, as well as playing/singing. Keep up the good work, and I am always glad to help.
Well It has been about 3 weeks since I gave an update, I have not heard from her at all, however I did send a hand-written letter to her explaining that I still love her and that I want her in my life, but also understand that if I don’t hear from her I will know why. I have fixed my issues and am now at peace with where I am in life, not having her around still hurts and I do cry because I do miss and love her dearly, but I have faith things will come around when they are ready to. I will post again when something comes up!
Nice to see you have found some stability in your life. The question I have for you is this: What are you doing to improve yourself? Not because you think it will help win her back, but because you need to do it, to become a better person.
Stay strong, there is no telling how long your wait will be. In the meantime, may I recommend that you work to become the best person you can possibly be? Why? Because you deserve to be the best. Nothing less.
The girl I loved (and still do) just texted me that she just wants to be friends. If it was meant to be she will come back, but I don’t know how to wait and I can’t bear the thought of her texting and flirting with other guys. I don’t think I can handle it…
Time to find your inner strength. It is there. It might not be easy, but that’s the way it is. Either be strong, or die. Is there really any other choice?
She has made her decision for the moment. What will you do? Take some time to work on improving yourself, not for her, but for you. You deserve to be the best person you can possibly be at this time. Work on it. Try something new, or improve something.
If you sit by the phone, waiting for that call or text, you will be miserable. Go out and live your life. And be strong.
So I met this girl 3 years ago in highschool & we instantly fell in love , & one day she lied to me about talking to this guy on Facebook , wasn’t nun serious but she lied to my face about it then I broke up w her because I felt like she probably cheated on me or if everything she ever told me was a lie so she started crying at school & I took her back & because I couldn’t trust her anymore I ending up cheating on her because I ddnt know how to deal w the pain & she eventually found out n was hurt & cheated on me back & after I found that out I was hurt more even thought I knew it was my fault , basically she still hasn’t forgave me for anything & still says she doesn’t know how to let go but I’ve forgiven her for everything she’s ever fine & 3 years later we have a child but she still hasn’t let go & I can still see the pain in her eyes & she’s starting not to really cmover anymore & really even talk to me , the past 2 years it’s been like I’ve been the only one giving my all & it’s like she’s not even really there or even trying . I do everything for her but she doesn’t really see or appreciate it… She’s recently said we should stop texting each other because she doesn’t feel the same but she still continues to text me here n there n say wyd & I love you , & it makes it even harder on me because we have a daughter & I kinda thought after she was born she’d snap out of it… But clearly she’s not letting go of the past so we can move on & be happy again but idk what to do , I’ve basically tried everything but nothing I say or do has helped her forgive or let go … It wasn’t hard for me to forgive her & give her my all again because she’s who I wanna spend the rest of my life with … But she’s been holding on to the past for 2 years now & idk what to do & it’s hard because I’m truly still inlove w her …
That is a sticky situation. Understand that you can only control your actions. She will do what she will do, and you can’t control that. You can try to influence it, but it sounds like there are some issues with that as well.
Now comes the hard part; this quote no longer applies in your case. You have a child. You have a responsibility to that child, even if the mom is a bit of a flake.
The relationship you describe sounds like more than the two of you can handle, and it is certainly more than I can handle. I would strongly recommend you find a counselor of some form to help you work through your issues. It sounds like there is still resentment on her part. That will need to be cleared up before she can move forward. For the sake of your child, I would recommend you do what you can to create a stable home for them.
It won’t be easy, but I believe you owe it to your child. Stay strong, and work towards the strongest family you can manage. That’s the best I have for you. Please seek competent, professional help.
Thank you guys at least u make me feel better.
Its been a week since i decide to let her go. Ma eyes cant stop tearing this is ol wat i can do for the sake of us. She is ma first love, even if i wasn’t hers i intended to be her last. I did every thing to let her stay with me and live together but some times, Things didn’t work out like we planned to. I couldn’t stop dropping my tears when ever i heard a love songs still now, the time we spent together, the joy that we had, the trip that we took, every thing comes to my mind and i became defenseless and weak.
Its true that we can’t clap with one hand, so This is it, I wanna see the result of “If you love something, let it go. If it comes back to you, its yours forever. If it doesn’t, then it was never meant to be.”
The sad is part of life. It will pass. Remember what happened with fondness, and move on with your life. You cannot control what she does, and she may or may not come back. That is not yours to decide.
In the mean time, what do you plan to do with your time? If all you do is listen to the radio and cry, how will you ever improve? Will a wound which is constantly picked at ever heal? You have much to do, and now you have some time in which to do it. Improve yourself, become a better person because you deserve it.
Stay strong, grieving is a natural process, and it will fade with time. You never stop loving that person, you simply move on, and make room in your heart for someone else. Learn from the experience, and become a better person for having known them.
If she really loves you. She will try everything. Don’t forget that you have to do something too if she want to hook up sometime’s. She will be insecure about your feelings because you let her go..
Love can be so complicated, if we choose to make it so. Thanks for reminding us of how things look from the other side.
hello dear ,
i have the same issue :
i falled in love with a girl in a strange way , she is the 6th girl in my life , but this time is different , i cannot move on because she is sitting beside me at work , right now she is sitting beside me and i cannot have her , she told me i have no feelings for you , i am awesome all girls love me at work , but i cannot have her !!!
i have no confidence any more , i want to scream now in front of all that i love her .
all what i have did is giving her a space she may feel something for me , i do not sent anything to her at her mobile , but she keep sending to me where are you and so on ,…
i do not know what to do , i even cannot have her as a friend i’m so fucking in love , i cannot move on because everyday i see her .
Thanks for commenting and for sharing your story.
It sounds like there is confusion between the two of you about feelings. It sounds like you want her as much more than a friend, but that she wants to be a friend first. Unless I misunderstand you.
If that is the case, you may have to choose between ignoring her completely or taking things at as slow a pace as she is willing to move. If she is sending basic texts to you, are you willing to respond? Or are you having difficulty controlling yourself? If so, that may be the first thing you work on, right? It doesn’t mean you love her any less, it just means you have to control your urges and keep things calm. It isn’t always easy, but it can be done.
I hope that helped, but if I misunderstood something, please feel free to straighten me out.
hello philosiblog ,
i spent 1 week calm , i gave her that space with being nice as she is with me at work .
yesterday she called me !!!!!!!! the last call was before a month , she told me are you shocked because i called you i was like no i am not .
why would she call me if she told me i have no feelings for for and i will not call you again this is what happened before a month .
we talking around an hour , she kept talking about her ex. b.f that he still calling her but she does not feel happy .
i really do not know , just my confidence has been recovered after this call , but i am afraid to be too easy and predictable to her again , i am afraid she will break me again .
any advise how to react after she is back to talking on phone !!!
on the other hand , before 3 months we used to go out , she hugged me and told me i am afraid to feel something for you , once she told me this my feelings went from friendship circle to love circle and i have started to love her with no rules , i gave her many gifts being upnormal nice with her , once i told her i love her she told me i am honest i have no feelings…
after that space she called me why ?? we are at work together and i see her everyday , why would she call me if she has no feelings
While I don’t know her or her motivations, it sounded like she called you more as a friend. She called one former boyfriend to complain about another former boyfriend… On the other hand, you know she is available and she still remembers who you are, so there is some good in that.
I hope you have told her these same things, about your feelings, and that you are willing to help her with her fear of feeling something for you. Communication is important, and I recommend leaving nothing to chance. Be honest, be careful, and be sure to listen to her and her concerns.
As for why she called, that would be a great way to start a conversation, wouldn’t it? Perhaps she wants to keep her professional life and social life separate? I have known people who wanted to do that.
Stay strong, and keep working on improving yourself. You deserve to be the best.