Consider, when you are enraged at any one, what you would probably think if he should die during the dispute.

Consider, when you are enraged at any one, what you would probably think if he should die during the dispute. – Seneca

Uh Oh! Now what? How mad do you get back at him? Or do you cut him a little slack, and try to keep yourself calm? You are the adult.

What does that mean?
This quote is about how mad a person should, or should not, become. This is something many of us, as humans, do from time to time. We have all done it at some point in time, get mad, that is.

The question is how mad have we become? What is a proper level of mad? What is acceptable and under what circumstances? That will depend on your values and your culture.

The quote does pose an interesting question. How would you feel if the person with whom you were enraged suddenly dropped dead? How do you score that argument, is that a win, or a draw?

I am presuming that you are not considered the direct cause, but would you want the last thing they did on this planet be argue with you, or defend themselves against your accusations? I find the thought a little unpleasant.

Why is remaining calm important?  
It is easy to get upset when we argue or get mad. By the time we are enraged, there is probably not a calm corner left in our bodies. And that is when things can quickly go from bad to worse. Without calm, how well does our reason work? For my part, that seems to be one of the first parts of my brain to go when I am anything beyond mildly peeved at someone.

However, when we remain calm, the anger, the upset, and the rage tend to wash over us, and then recede fairly quickly. Once the worst of it has passed, and the calm has returned, it is far easier to deal with the issue which sparked the situation in the first place. At least that is how it works for me.

Remaining calm, or at least getting back to it in a state of relative calm, is an important part of making prudent decisions. It also helps in defusing the situation, because if you were mad, the other person probably was as well, right? With a little luck, things will be resolved in hardly any time at all. And if not, it certainly will be a better outcome than raging at each-other.

Where can I apply this in my life?
The easy answer is any part of your life where you tend to get all angry at people. Next would be the places where you get really frustrated, as that often leads to anger and the associated less-than-great behaviors. Do you have any of those?

Ideally, there is a pattern to what really gets you angry, or causes you to become enraged. Failing that, pick a recent example of getting very angry at someone. Remember, my interpretation of the quote doesn’t require to have wished harm on the other person, but it might be an indicator about your mental state, right?

For me, the most frequent thing that set me off was my kids. Kids do stupid things. That is a given. But I expect them to learn from their mistakes and not make a habit of repeating the same mistake. Yet somehow, they often repeated the same mistake over and over. That would get me frustrated, and that would eventually boil over to rage.

That kind of behavior and thought process isn’t very helpful. How do you explain anything rationally when you are that mad at them? You can’t. And it doesn’t help them learn much, other than it’s noisy in the house when you get dad angry at you. There are far better ways to teach, in my opinion.

What I did was to try to see the situation from their point of view. Not to defend what they had done, but to try to find the best way to have an impact on them, in a positive manner. That said, a calm, rational discussion with a three year old about not hitting her brother isn’t going to get you very far. But then again, neither will yelling at her, or hitting her, right?

What about conflict resolution or the escalation of tensions at work or in your social groups? How about your time in traffic? Ever get a little hot under the collar with some of the people with whom you have to share the road? While the method I used with my kids might not apply in these situations, there are other ways.

Compassion, I have found, is one of the keys to reducing anger and frustration. Compassion both for yourself, and for the other person. There are other tools which can be used to lessen anger, such as delay.

Giving things time to settle down is nearly always a good idea. And if that isn’t an option, you can always try to find a safe outlet for your anger. Isn’t that why they invented punching bags?

We all get angry from time to time. The only question is what we do about it. If we give in to the anger, to the rage, what do we do next? How much control do we have, or are we at the mercy of emotions?

And there is always the quote, you don’t want to die with hateful words on your tongue and in your heart, do you? Would you wish that on someone else? I hope not.

From: Twitter, @philo_quotes
confirmed at : http://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/quotes/l/luciusanna120546.html
Photo by Rhiannon Toast

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