If you are honest, truthful, and transparent, people trust you. If people trust you, you have no grounds for fear, suspicion or jealousy. – Dalai Lama
Untrusting Cat is keeping an eye on you. I bet that gives you a warm feeling inside, right? How would you like to be treated this way, all the time, every day?
What does that mean?
I see this quote as being about trust, how you get it, and what having it means when dealing with other people. The quote presupposes relatively normal people, as there will always be people with very high levels of fear, suspicion, or jealousy out there. But, in my experience, they are relatively few.
The first half of the quote is about how to gain trust from others. The quote urges honesty, truthfulness, and transparency as a method to gain their trust. If they belive you are honest and truthful, and that all you reasons are clear to them, you can be trusted.
Once they trust you, the quote concludes, the usual and ordinary reasons for fear, suspicion, or jealousy are removed. Can you imagine being fearful or suspicious of someone you trust? How about being jealous of them? Perhaps a tiny little bit of envy, but that’s about as far as I can see. Do you agree?
Why is trust important?
To me, there are two application of trust in life. The first is having trust from others, and the second is giving your trust to others. I believe that both forms of trust are important, as life is (usually) a two way street.
How easy is it to live your life when no one trusts you? Have you ever been in a foreign country, or even a part of town where trust is earned, not given? How does it feel when all around you are fearful, suspicious, or jealous of you? How easy is it to do anything, transact business, or even get directions when you are lost?
On other side, how easy is it to live your life when you trust no one around you? How much could you get done if every action by everyone around you had to be double checked, verified, or otherwise confirmed? And how do you think they would react to that kind of distrust from you? That wouldn’t be a pleasant place to be, would it?
Where can I apply this in my life?
Please understand that this post isn’t about blind trust, nor is it about trusting people who are unworthy of that trust. Instead, it is about my thoughts on how to behave to show you are trustworthy, as well as how to relax and be a little more trusting.
Starting with earning the trust of others, the quote has the recipe pretty well stated. Be honest and truthful in all your dealings with everyone you meet. The exact threshold will vary with the culture (ie are ‘little white lies’ permissible), but maintaining the exact same level with everyone is important.
As for being transparent, to me that is about being clear about your motives. If you want someone to move because they’re blocking your view of the TV, don’t make up something just to get them to move. Be straight with them, and let them know why you want them to be elsewhere.
I do that with my kids, quite often. Sometimes it’s simply stating “down in front” which lets them know they’re blocking my view. Other times, if I’m busy with something, I’ll let them know that I want to hear what they have to say, but not right this moment, as I am busy. By being transparent, I have not breached their trust. Does that make sense?
By acting in a consistent and trustworthy way, you will eventually win people over. At least it has worked well for me, throughout my life. Can you think of times when it has worked well for you?
The other half of trust is the giving of it to others. I imagine nearly everyone has trust issues of some sort. The more severely hurt we have been by a betrayal of trust, the less likely we are to trust again, especially in that area, right?
While that sensitivity to betrayal may never go completely away, we can try to be a little less sensitive, right? Perhaps we can find a level of trust between “I will watch you like a hawk” and “here, have the keys to the kingdom.” Perhaps two or three steps, right?
I would also urge us all to consider that betrayal of trust happens every day, at every level, somewhere. We will sometimes place more trust in someone than is proper. Other times we will find that a normally trustworthy person has snapped, changed their mind, or didn’t think of their action as a betrayal.
With this realization that things can, and eventually will, happen, I hope we can understand that trust will be broken from time to time. We can either trust no one, or we can try to determine how much and what types of betrayal we will accept.
I would advise against any sudden changes in trust level, but instead, to slowly move up your trust of everyone who hasn’t already proven themselves unworthy. Eventually, you will find a point where you are no longer comfortable, and that’s a hint that it’s time to stop for now.
But if you trust others, and especially if they trust you, there is no longer any basis for fear, for suspicion, or for jealousy between you and they, right? I believe that there is no greater place to live you life.
From: Twitter, @DalaiLama
confirmed at : it’s his own feed…
Photo by mikecogh
