Wars begin when you will, but they do not end when you please. – Niccolò Machiavelli
Ok, you have started something. Now, how do you finish? It’s easy to get a fight started, but you can’t always walk away when you want.
What does that mean?
I have seen this quote with “where” instead of “when” and I presume it’s because a popular quote site either got it wrong, or used a different translation. The translation I found and liked the best was this (see second site in confirmed section at bottom) : “People may go to war when they will, but cannot always withdraw when they like.”
In this quote, he is relating a war against Florence started by a Papal Legate, but thwarted by the Florentine people, who of bribed the attacking army and got them to disband. However, the war had begun, and now the aggressor was without an army. Florence and others who disliked the jerk and who he represented took advantage of the opportunity.
If you start a fight, be it physical, verbal, or emotional, you might not find it as easy to withdraw as you might like. You may find you bit off more than you could chew, and suddenly have to deal with the consequences of your actions. And that can get ugly very quickly.
Why is temperance important?
At TheFreeDictionary.com, temperance is defined as “Moderation and self-restraint, as in behavior or expression.” I would say that this definition matches the quote pretty well, wouldn’t you? Starting something you can’t finish, shooting your mouth off, having your mouth write checks your body can’t back up, or however you want to put it.
Being temperate in your personal life can help keep you out of fights, arguments, and all kinds of trouble. Yeah, it doesn’t sound particularly manly to some, but doing time in prison for assault and battery doesn’t sound very good either, does it? It certainly doesn’t sound that way to me.
By keeping a level head (and holding our temper), we can keep from rushing in and doing something stupid. While the quote is about wars, and I’ve focused primarily on interpersonal strife of various sorts, it can be applied to nearly any interpersonal situation. Be kind, forgive, and hold your temper in check.
Where can I apply this in my life?
Have you ever seen a cold war at work? One person considered the actions of another to have been hostile or to have cost them something they desired. Now comes the retaliation. Soon others notice, and pick sides for reasons of their own. Pretty soon work is more about getting even than getting the actual work done.
Unfortunately, such petty infighting happens far more often than most people would like to admit. Literally just yesterday I overheard the beginnings of one such feud between two groups when the leads of each group had a showdown. Each insisted that their policy preference was the proper (and the only right way) to do something. Of course, the methods were contradictory. I don’t know how this is going to play out, but I hope cooler heads prevail.
Are there any places in your life when you’ve started something, and ended up hurting someone (including yourself)? I know I’ve done some seriously stupid things in the past. Got my nose broken once for sticking it somewhere it didn’t belong. It was not a pleasant lesson to learn, but I did manage to learn it.
Sometimes the issue is a momentary flame-up, which dies down and goes out as quickly as it started. Other times, the embers of the fire burn for years. Are there any fires you have started that might need your help in being put out? Take a moment and really think. Even if you don’t know how to reach out to them, consider the event and learn from your mistakes.
If you can contact them, you might want to start with an apology. Later, when you have some level of rapport established, you might want to offer an explanation of what things looked like from your side, and ask what things looked like from their side. Communication, in my estimation, is the best way to start the healing process.
I also consider communication to be the best method for keeping things from escalating. If the two leads at work had taken time to explain why they do things by their method, perhaps they could have found some method that worked for both groups. But escalating things to just short of yelling and reiterating the exact same statements repeatedly certainly wasn’t working for them.
Starting fights of any kind is very rarely productive. Hopefully you know that intellectually. Hopefully you will be able to remember that when your emotions start to get roiled up. And I do most certainly hope you will be able to resist the urge to violence. Down that path I see only sorrow and regret.
From: Twitter, @tobint
confirmed at : http://en.wikiquote.org/wiki/Niccol%C3%B2_Machiavelli#The_History_of_Florence_.281521_-_1525.29 final entry in the section on the History of Florence and also at http://ebooks.adelaide.edu.au/m/machiavelli/niccolo/m149h/chapter18.html near the end of the first paragraph
Photo by hang_in_there
