Having a more compassionate attitude helps you communicate more easily with your fellow human beings.

Having a more compassionate attitude helps you communicate more easily with your fellow human beings. – Dalai Lama

Just because you are talking doesn’t mean you are communicating. If you haven’t shown compassion, you aren’t communicating with those around you as much as you are annoying them.

What does that mean?
How well do people without compassion communicate? They’re in editorial cartoons all the time, failing badly at communicating with others. Whether it’s because they are too aloof, too disconnected, or just plain mean, their lack of compassion ties directly back to their inability to communicate.

On the other hand, if other people know how much you care, they are far more likely to listen to you. Their expectation, of course, is that you will listen to them, and understand them and their point of view.

By being compassionate, one can begin to understand where others are coming from, what their points of view are, and what they want from you. Note that compassion does not require that you agree with them, just that you understand what their values are and where they are coming from.

Once a level of compassion has been understood by both parties, communication can occur, which is the second half of the quote. This communication, ideally, will be both ways, with them showing you compassion as well as you showing it to them. Unfortunately, in the real world, it doesn’t always work out that way.

Why is compassion important?  
As was mentioned in the opening paragraphs, compassion helps you to understand where the other person (or persons) are coming from, what their wants, needs, and desires are. And as noted above, compassion does not require you to agree with them, but only understand how they might feel, think, or believe as they do.

It also implies that you treat them, not as enemies, but as someone with whom you wish to exchange ideas. This requires you to treat them with dignity, not with disdain, as that will not only chill relations, but it will cause them to become defensive, and deep and useful communication will cease at that point.

Communication is based on a level of mutual understanding and mutual trust. It is hard to trust someone who doesn’t seem to understand you. This, I believe, is where compassion is critical.

Compassion occurs when you allow yourself to believe that the other person might have, at least in their mind, a valid point. It is when you allow the other person to speak their mind and you actually listen, instead of using the pause in your speech to formulate your next series of points.

To me, compassion also implies your willingness to more deeply consider their point, and that implies clarifying questions. Asking them what they mean by a particular point. Asking them how they came to that conclusion. Digging deeper to better understand them allows you to more deeply experience compassion for them.

Where can I apply this in my life?
For me, this is an ongoing experience. I have a young teen, and we are in the process of moving from an autocratic relationship to one that is slightly more collaborative in nature. While I remember my teenage years, his situation is different in many ways, while remaining the same in so many others.

While he knows these things, I still try to show my compassion by trying to find out why he is feeling certain things at that particular time. The compassion helps to develop rapport and, hopefully, some mutual understanding. After all, that’s the whole point of communication, right?

Grab some paper and write down the biggest communication challenges you are experiencing at the moment. Try to get at least one from each aspect of your life, including work, family, friends, social groups, etc. Be sure to write down with which people in particular you are having difficulties communicating.

Take a look at each of the difficulties and the person(s) involved. How much compassion have you shown them? How much (or how little) is appropriate, given the positions (such as at work, or when dealing with a young child)? What can you do to improve the compassion, the rapport, between yourself and the other person(s)?

It’s not an easy question to answer, but if you wish to improve your communication with them, I can think of nothing that gives quicker or better results than compassion. Take a little time and think of a couple ways for each of the people in each of your communication challenges. It’s more than we normally do, but I think this is a critical area, and one that is too often neglected. You won’t get more out than you put in.

With a basic idea of what you can do to try to develop a better rapport with the other people throughout your list, you should have some ideas of what you can do to help improve the situation. Whether it’s a Beer Summit, or just a chat by the water cooler, there are ways to offer to meet them half way.

Note that you can only go so far with this method, as it is non-coercive. If they aren’t willing to meet you half way, at least you proved your willingness (and by extension, their unwillingness) to yourself and to any observers. In the end, that’s really all you can do. You do your best, and they will either rise to the occasion or not.

From: Twitter, @DalaiLama
confirmed at : it’s his own feed…
Photo by lumaxart