First say to yourself what you would be; and then do what you have to do.

First say to yourself what you would be; and then do what you have to do. – Epictetus

If you wanted to be a great parent, where would you start? What specifically would you say to yourself? What specifically would you do?

What does that mean?
So how does one become something that they wish to be? According to the quote, the first step is to say to yourself what you wish to become. Note that it doesn’t say to think about it or to simply give consideration to what you wish to become. You will take those steps, yes, but you must actually say it. Presumably you will say it out loud.

Then, according to the quote, once you know and have said what you wish to be, all that is left is to do what has to be done. That may require a little research and planning, but that’s part of moving forward towards the accomplishment of your goal. Say what you want to become, and then start doing what it takes to become what you said.

Why is saying what you want important?  
There is some research that indicates that the act of saying what you are thinking makes something more real to your mind. To me, that seems to be very important. Anything that can be done to convince your mind, on every level possible, that you are serious about doing something is a good thing.

Saying something often is the basis of many learning techniques. How did you learn the alphabet? How did you learn to count? What about learning the colors, shapes, and just about everything up to first grade? Even techniques like daily affirmations gain some power by being spoken, and not just read or thought.

Saying it makes it a contract with yourself, a form of promise. Even when you know it’s more talk than reality (like weight loss, for one personal example), it seems to help. Even if it’s more Placebo effect than actual change, I’ll take all the help I can get!

Where can I apply this in my life?
Epictetus believed that all external events were according to Fate, and everything else was up to us. If we wanted change, we had two choices, wait for Fate to deliver it to us, or we could become what we wanted through our own efforts. To me, that is the heart of the quote.

For example, if you just had a kid and wanted to be the greatest parent you could possibly be, you could wait for it to just happen, or you could do as the quote says ‘say it, then do it.’ Saying it is easy enough, but it would help if you meant it, right? Then you do it. How do you do that? Start with some research. Read books, check out the web, and talk to people you know. You could really make someone’s day by saying to them ‘I think you’re a great parent, how did you figure out what to do?’

Learn, and then do. Learn some more, and adjust what you do. And keep saying and doing. In the case of kids, they change all the time, and yours might not respond the same way theirs did. But keep saying it, and keep doing it, as each action reinforces the other action.

What are you not now, but wish to become? Take a moment and consider an what you wish to become, or become better, at? What aspects your life are you looking to improve or add to? Take a moment and consider what you would like to do, moving forward with your life.

Grab some paper and write a few of them down. Once you have them written down, take a moment to boil each down to a positive statement of what you wish to become (if it isn’t written down in that manner already). Now take a moment and say each one out loud. Does one of them really resonate with you?

With the topic determined, it’s time to figure out how you will know you have arrived. What are the specific things you need to accomplish in order to say that you have completed your goal? Is it a skill set, some specific knowledge, an ability, some kind of insight? Be as specific as you can, as this is your finish line. You want to know when you’ve won the race, right?

Now consider what it will take to get from where you are to where you want to be. Start with the big steps. Define, research, initial steps, and becoming proficient. Define each for your task, and give each an approximate time frame (in days, weeks, or months as appropriate).

Now put a little detail in the first step. What will you do for research, where will you look for information, who can you pester, what organizations exist to support you in your quest? Going back to the parenting example, are there any support groups in your area from which you could get hints, tips, pointers, or mentoring?

Then it’s just a matter of saying and doing, learning from your experiences, and repeat, again and again, until you get to where your goal. Outside forces may change your plans from time to time, but it is up to you to adapt and update your plans. Just keep your eyes on the finish line, and keep saying where you will be, and doing what it takes.

We cannot control everything in our lives, but if we do what we can to become what we wish to be, then happiness should find us receptive. At least that’s been my experience. How about yours?

From: Twitter, @Smart_Quotes
confirmed at : http://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/quotes/e/epictetus161531.html
Photo by subewl