Only the gentle are ever really strong. – James Dean
I believe this quote applies to everyone, not just people.
What does that mean?
This quote is interesting in that it is an apparent contradiction on it’s face. Generally, the strong, manly types are (stereotypically) the exact opposite of gentle. In Hollywood, they often go to great lengths to make the strong characters as un-gentle as possible, unless it’s the hero.
However, for some reason in Hollywood, the heroes are occasionally allowed to be both gentle and strong. They are often portrayed as drawing their strength from their gentleness. In this, I believe Hollywood has it right. All of the truly strong people (both male and female) I have known were all gentle people inside. They might be a little gruff and prickly on the outside, but all have been truly gentle inside.
Why is gentleness important?
Did Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. or Mohandas Gandhi appear as gentle people, or did they appear Hollywood strong? Gentleness, paradoxically, is necessary in a leader, whether it’s of a nationwide movement, or a family. While the hard, rough, Hollywood style of strength will attract a few hardcore followers, they tend to be less than desirable for anything short of a gang or a revolution.
For the rest of the people in the world, gentleness is part of what makes it possible to interact with others in a reasonable manner. Gentleness helps us keep our emotions sufficiently checked to allow us to notice what is going on with the people we are interacting with, and to have both empathy and compassion come to the fore. With those tools, we can work easily towards a mutually agreeable solution to almost any problem.
Where can I apply this in my life?
This also applies to leadership, as leadership is the ultimate in personal interactions. Well, it is if it’s done correctly (in my opinion, at least). Earlier, I talked about two great leaders who were gentle, both in their mannerisms and in their behaviors. They talked about doing gentle things, and were for the most part, very gentle people.
Yes, it is possible lead with bombast and fear, but only while you have some semblance of authority, and the authority supports you (see General Douglas McArthur & General George Patton for details on losing that support and what happens to their ability to be a leader at that point).
Take a moment and think of all the ways you are a leader in your life. I would count those aspects of your life where you are part of a team, whether at home, at work, or in your social life. Do you tend to lead by exercise of raw power, based on your position? Or do you tend to listen and take into account the opinions and desires of others?
Now think about how you tend to interact with others in general. Do you tend to interact from a position of strength, or do you tend to be a bit more gentle? Does your response vary between different groups? I imagine it will, but have you considered why it is so?
Please don’t mistake taking a firm position after making a decision with not being gentle. There are times where a decision must be maintained, but that doesn’t make you any less gentle. Some people just don’t take subtle hints very well, and require a more direct approach.
While there are places for hard strength, gentleness will usually generate far more strength than any other method. I would take some time to examine all the different interactions you have, and how you might add a little more gentleness into the relationships.
If your day job is as a drill sergeant, you might not be able to add much gentleness into your work interactions, but there is still all the rest of your life. Can you imagine how much fun a drill sergeant would be at a party if they kept that same attitude? Have you seen Gunnery Sergeant R. Lee Emory in the commercial where he portrays a former drill sergeant working as a psychiatrist?
From: Twitter, @YummyQuotes
confirmed at : http://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/quotes/j/jamesdean387850.html
Photo by Marine Corps Archives & Special Collections
Happy Birthday to James Dean, born Feb 8, 1931.
This was very helpful. I’m a loud vivacious person just realising that I come off as intimidating. I’m also a Christian trying to learn to be meek. I felt conflicted because I kept thinking if only I was a shy person and I didn’t have this personality, gentleness could be easier. But your blog made me normalise the fact that being gentle takes strength! It’s given me courage that even if I can’t be gentle 100% of the time, the times when I am,
are so worth it! Thank you.
Thanks for stopping by and for leaving a comment.
Your comment reminds me of the vagueness of the English language. Shy. Meek. Gentle. Vivacious. Personality. Can they exist in a single person? I believe so. Yes, being vivacious can be a bit intimidating to some, but it is comforting to others. It comes back to, in my mind, moderation. Don’t give up on being vivacious, just be aware of how it impacts others. Tone it down a bit, if necessary or helpful.
As for being gentle, this quote points out the difference between being gentle, and being a pushover. Once you recognize that difference (and many do not, bullies in particular), life becomes much more interesting. At least it has for me.
Don’t quit being you, just be aware of those around you. Sometimes a vivacious person is what is needed to get a sad person to perk up and come forward. Gentle is anything that does not scare them away.
Gentle is easy, unless you decide it will be hard.
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As this is usually listed as a personal quote (that is, he is speaking as himself, as opposed to speaking a line from a script in a movie), this is the real James Dean shining through. Yes, your take is a valid one.
That’s what makes what I do so much fun. There are so many ways to approach each quote! I have been toying with the idea to take one quote a week from my past and re-do it, but from a completely different angle. I find the thought fascinating, but I’m not sure how well it would be received.
Thanks for stopping by. Glad you liked the quote, and were willing to leave your thoughts.
I think that this is a really interesting interpretation of what James Dean meant in his assertion. I, personally, had a slightly different take on the quote. I understood it as a commentary on the oppressive social conventions of masculinity and of (male) gender roles. In our society there are very strict rules of what constitutes a “strong” man. A stereotypical strong man is NOT supposed to be sensitive, nor emotionally assertive, be too passionate or affectionate, he must have mainstream interests (usually sports), plus he must look a certain way as well (well built, not fashion conscious, etc). In short, this may be referred to as “macho culture”. Unfortunately, often if a man does not appear to subscribe to these stereotypical “strong” man or macho attributes he is ostracised, deemed abnormal, or called “soft” (or gentle). So I think that what James Dean was saying here was that it takes a strong man to dare give the appearance of being gentle in our macho-driven, patriarchal society. It makes sense on a personal level as well, seeing as how he grew up in a small country town (where stereotypical gender roles are usually strongly adhered to), and then moved to New York where he learned Ballet (stereotypically a ‘feminine’ art) and acting; i wouldn’t be surprised if he was the recipient of gender discrimination because of these activities which might have be perceived by some as being ‘immasculating’ as they rely on being graceful and emotionally sensitive: two big no-noes for the traditionally “strong” man unfortunately. Well, that’s my interpretation of it at least.
Some have this interpretation and some dont have it. Some women like sensitive men and some want the big masculine one. We are all different in many ways and have our own thoughts and feelings.
Thanks for stopping by, and for leaving a comment.
One can be sensitive and still be strong. One can be big and masculine and be gentle. I was trying to describe them on the inside, gentleness, as opposed to abrasiveness. But there is always room for differing opinions.