To know what people really think, pay regard to what they do, rather than what they say

To know what people really think, pay regard to what they do, rather than what they say. – Descartes

When you say one thing but do another, you are like this clock; two faced.

What does that mean?
This quote reminds us that people will say things that they think you want to hear, or that they believe are expected of them. However, they might not truly believe the words they speak. While this isn’t an uncommon behavior to observe, it is a bit disconcerting to hear, and quite uncomfortable to actually be caught doing.

To find out what they truly believe, with the conviction of their heart, the quote continues, you need only watch what they do. You have probably heard the expression “lead by example” used before. If you want to inspire loyalty, don’t be disloyal. If you want to inspire honesty, don’t lie. While it makes perfect sense, how often do we violate this in our daily lives?

Why is being congruent important?  
Congruous, which is the root word of congruent, is defined at theFreeDictionary.com as “Corresponding in character or kind; appropriate or harmonious.” and comes from the Latin word congruere, to agree. If our actions and our words agree, then we are congruent. If they do not, we are in incongruent.

This quote is about noticing where people are incongruent, and trying to figure which of the conflicting signals to believe. If we say one thing, then do another, which one do we really believe with conviction? The quote answers that, and I believe we should take this advice to heart. Do yourself the things you say that others should do.

Where can I apply this in my life?
How often did you hear the phrase “Do as I say, not as I do” when you were growing up? My dad smoked, so I heard it quite often. Fortunately, I never desired to pick up that habit. The “burn outs” in high school were largely the same people who picked on me, so I had no great desire to become one of them.

Now, I’m the parent, and have a son that is approaching driving age. This is a problem, as I am a bit of a scoff-law when it comes to speed limits. This, in and of itself, is oddly incongruent, because I’m very strict when it comes to the rest of traffic laws, including seat belts, turn signals and stop signs / stop lights.

But if I am to lead by example, not by words, I must become more aware of my driving habits and focus on driving the way I want my son to drive. Not that he will, of course, but I must at least set the example. If I show no respect for speed limits, he will likely take that as a starting point and get worse from there, right?

So, what other bad habits do we have? Grab some paper and write down at least three things that you know you shouldn’t do, would tell others not to do, but you do it anyways. Next to each list why you do what you do.

In my case, I have only very rarely been pulled over for speeding, so I feel that with some caution, I can get away with it. I also feel I am sufficiently skilled driver to be able to handle the five or ten miles per hour of extra speed on the highways. While I use techniques that enhance my abilities, it still is more than a tiny bit arrogant, wouldn’t you say?

What are your excuses for doing what you say you shouldn’t do? Do you derive some kind of pleasure from doing what you do? Are you simply more capable or better able to control yourself than those to whom you speak? There has to be a reason, find it and write it down.

Next, you have to decide if you are going to change your words, your actions or become comfortable with being labeled a hypocrite. Hypocrisy is the easiest, as you need do nothing. Changing your words is the next easiest, but do you truly believe them, or will you simply be lying to others in order to support your habit?

If you truly believe what you have been saying, but are weak when it comes to action, the proper course of action is to become strong enough to do the right thing. Trivial to say, but not so easy to do. In the case of smoking or speeding, it is most likely part of who you are, your self image. Take some time and decide what you will do about being incongruent in your actions and words.

Finally, if you’re going to change, it’s time to figure out how you’re going to change. What are you going to do differently or what belief will you change in order to effect the change? Does anyone know of a “Drivers Anonymous” program, or am I going to have to go it alone? While I ask in jest, it is a possible avenue for change.

From: Twitter, @philo_quotes
confirmed at : http://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/quotes/g/georgesant119596.html
Some sites attribute this quote to Santayana, others to Descartes. I tend to go with the older of the two when there’s a duplicate quote. Does anyone have certainty on the issue of authorship?
Photo by dbking