If thy brother wrongs thee, remember not so much his wrong-doing, but more than ever that he is thy brother. – Epictetus
Please don't let a friend suffer alone. Go to them, help them, despite the wrongs that they have done to you.
What does that mean?
This is an old translation which I’d like to make sound a little more modern: “If your friend wrongs you, don’t focus on their wrong-doing, instead focus on the fact that they are your friend, now more than ever.”
This quote is about messing up, and how you should respond to someone who has messed up all over you. It says if a friend or brother does something wrong to you, that you shouldn’t remember the wrong that was done to you as much as you should remember that they are your friend or brother.
When someone screws up, that’s when they need your help the most. Yes, it’s not easy being nice to someone who just got done calling you nasty names or trashing you in front of others. However, that’s usually a clue that they need you more than ever. Ignoring an ‘injury’ was discussed in this blog post.
Why is being there for a friend important?
Have you ever had a friend who was there for you when you needed them? I imagine you can also remember a few times when no one was there, but that’s the whole point of this post. What would you have given to have had a friend to help you through a rough spot?
Well, you are that friend to someone else, aren’t you? Have you been there for someone else, in their time of need? It’s kind of like the old saying “To have a friend you have to be a friend.” Not just in the good times, but also in the bad times. Especially in the bad times, when they need you most.
Where can I apply this in my life?
Things go sideways from time to time. Especially in relationships. If everyone I’d ever done something wrong to had held it against me, I would be a very lonely person indeed. How about you? How often are you there for other people? Are you the person everyone seems to turn to for help?
I’ve never been all that popular, so I didn’t have to worry about being besieged by others looking for my help. But I try to be there for my friends. I have also been fortunate to have made some friends that are reliably there for me when I have needed them. I also try to be there for them when they are having good times as well, which strengthens the bond of friendship, and makes the hard times a little easier to handle.
Grab some paper and write down at least five times you weren’t there for a friend, a brother, when they were in need. This won’t be pleasant, but it is necessary. Don’t spend a lot of time thinking about these events, just note them and move on. Then write down at least three times you were able to be there for someone.
Let’s start by looking for a pattern of behavior that may have been part of the reason why you weren’t there in the time of another’s need. Had there been a fight, a falling out, some kind of grudge that hardened your heart and allowed their call to fall on deaf ears?
Was it a chance event, like a cellphone that went for a swim with you and wasn’t operating when the call came? Was there a conflict in the time schedule (you were at work or …) or some great distance that prevented you from getting there in time?
Was there any pattern in the times when you were there for your friend? Was it someone with whom you hadn’t had a falling out? Was there a gender or romance issue? Now consider if there any patterns in the times you were able to be there?
Compare the patterns (if there are any) between when you were and were not there. Does there seem to be an underlying reason for not being there? For me, bearing a grudge was the common thread, which is what this quote cautions against.
Now consider what you might have done differently for each of the times you weren’t there for them. The example from the quote is that a wrong has been done, and one friend is holding out on the other, as a punishment for having done the wrong.
Not all wrongs are the same, but (to me, at least) a friendship is a bond that goes a bit deeper than a difference of opinion or having a wrong being done to me. How about you, what is a friendship worth to you? What are you willing to endure, overlook or reject?
If there was a pattern in your failures or successes, perhaps they can help guide you in your search for what you might have done differently for the times you failed. Try to come up with a few for each event, so if one doesn’t work for you, you have something else you can try.
Now that you have an idea or two (or three) for each event, think for a moment about how to make it a habit. Consider what you would have to believe about people in general, and friends in specific, to make this new habit automatic.
I hope you have a better feel for how you will treat those who will do you a wrong, and that you have a better way of dealing with it. Not all wrongs are created equal, and some are harder to forgive, but in my experience, they generally come from either carelessness or as a cry for help/attention.
Now all you have to do is wait for someone to do you wrong, and you can leap into action, right? Actually, this is more about you and your motivations than your friend. The better you know yourself and the more you work to improve yourself, the better a person you will become. That goal alone makes the journey worthwhile, don’t you think?
From: Twitter, @philo_quotes
confirmed at : http://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/quotes/e/epictetus402917.html
Photo by cdedbdme
