Keeping score of old scores and scars, getting even and one-upping, always makes you less than you are

Keeping score of old scores and scars, getting even and one-upping, always makes you less than you are. – Malcolm Forbes

How many squirrels would starve to death if they spent their time and energy scheming and plotting, trying to "get even" or one-up the next squirrel?

What does that mean?

To me, this quote is full of fairly straight forward advice. The quote works from both a time perspective and an energy perspective. If you are busy keeping track of old scores and scars, what is the opportunity cost? What else could you be spending your time and energy on that would be both more productive and make you a better person?

If you are busy getting even and one-upping someone else (or several someones), what is the opportunity cost? What else could you be spending your time and effort on that would be both more productive and make you a better person? Every moment you spend in those pursuits is lost to you, and cannot be used to make yourself better. Does that make sense?

Why is letting go important?  
Letting go. Releasing yourself from the chains of “getting even.” Refusing to play the school-ground game of tit-for-tat. These are the things that help you maintain control over your time and energy. Letting go allows you to free your mind and emotions from the stress and tension that playing the “game” would produce.

Letting go also frees your time. You are no longer taking tons of your time and wasting it by plotting and planning (whether nefariously or on the level) your revenge or how you will upstage or otherwise “one-up” the other person. I don’t know about you, but when I started on this path, years ago, it really did free up a lot of time for me. How about you?

Where can I apply this in my life?
Before I realized this truth, I was a bit of a jerk. Full of myself (and snappy comebacks), I could strut with the best of them. “You think that’s funny? How about this?” would not be an uncommon thing for me to say. I could be merciless when inflicting mental anguish or out-smarting someone else. Needless to say, I rarely travel that path anymore. I have better things to do with my time and my energy.

Now I try to practice forgiveness, to let a slight (real or imagined) roll off my back like water off a duck. The question is how does one do such a thing? It isn’t very “manly” in most modern cultures, is it? Well, my testosterone peaked a few years back, and that may have helped, but mostly I learned to believe in myself.

Eventually, I came to the realization that most of these “contests” were nothing more than a dog marking it’s territory. When I realized that I was bigger than that, that I could exist outside that world, I became free. So what if someone jammed themselves into the parking space I had waited patiently for, I’d just find another space and park. Besides, it annoys them so much more when you smile and wave than when you give the one-finger salute. 😉

My suggestion to you would be to grab some paper and write down the last dozen or so times when you were involved in keeping (or settling) an old score, planning on how to get even or trying to one-up someone. When that’s done, look through the list and write next to each one the one or two emotions you feel when you think of the incident that started you on this path.

Now take a moment and go back and think of what you would have to believe about yourself to make the incident, as well as the emotions that followed, unimportant on not applicable. Take a little time and really try to understand yourself. The more you put in, the more you will get out.

As an example, let’s say someone called you something vile and offensive. That word or phrase made you angry, because it made you feel like they were treating you as if you were considered their inferior. Now, what if you believed you were not inferior, but that the other person was insecure and afraid that they were the inferior person? How would it change your reaction to the words they said?

The more compassion you can muster, the easier it is to let go of the hurt and reject, deflect or otherwise be untouched by the actions of others. Note that this does not imply that compassion cuts you off from others, but instead, that you can more easily allow them to be themselves. You can forgive them and forget the hurt, and move on with your life.

Spend your time and energy becoming the best possible you that you can become. Use the energy you used to waste on petty things to do great things for yourself and for others. Let go of the petty stuff and set your sights on the best possible future you can imagine.

From: Twitter, @QuoteHouse
confirmed at : http://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/quotes/m/malcolmfor121407.html
Photo by Carly & Art