Whether or not we follow any particular spiritual tradition, the benefits of love and kindness are obvious to anyone

Whether or not we follow any particular spiritual tradition, the benefits of love and kindness are obvious to anyone. – Dalai Lama

What does that mean?
To me, this talks about a fundamental human need, the need of love and kindness. Even in warrior cultures, love and kindness were shown. From the Spartans to the Vikings to the Huns to the Aztecs, love and kindness existed. We might not recognize it as such, but they would. In the less fierce civilizations, it was even more apparent (usually).

Today, however, things don’t seem to be going as well. It seems that as life goes faster, and we feel the pressures of time, we seem to be pulling back. Pulling back first from strangers, then from friends, and finally, even from family. Both people of faith or those without a professed faith seem to be susceptible to this unfortunate change in our modern lifestyle.

Why are love and kindness important?  
We all have a need for both love and kindness. Both the giving and receiving of these feelings are needed by everyone (people suffering from serious medical conditions excluded). Some turn to animals for that missing love and kindness. The picture of the archetype “crazy cat lady” comes to mind.

Think of times in your life when love and kindness existed in abundance. Compare it to a time when it was lacking. You just had quite a mood swing, didn’t you? I would argue that those who claim they never had any have an overly pessimistic view on life. Or they need to seek professional help. Having the belief that neither love nor kindness can exist for them is a bad place for a person to live.

Where can I apply this in my life?
I would start by making a list of everyone I love. Grab some paper and make a few columns (for romantic love, familial love, brotherly love, etc). Take a few moments and fill it in. You can put numbers next to them to indicate intensity, if that helps you put names on the list. Include your past, even your childhood.

How much love are you feeling now, compared to when you started the list? I don’t know about you, but I’m feeling pretty charged up right now. Take a moment and go over the list, thinking of a kindness each did for you, or you did for them. Now that you have completed that task, how do you feel? Do you agree with the quote, that love and kindness have obvious benefits?

The way I build love is by practicing kindness. So, let’s start with how to practice kindness. Try starting with something simple, as I did today when we visited a mall. Hold the door for the next person as you go in or out. And guys, you can hold the door for other guys. I did that this afternoon and even got a “thanks!” for having done it.

How else can you be kind? Say hello to people. Smile. Wave. If they seem to be struggling, ask them if they need assistance. Try to avoid asking if they need “help”, as that makes some feel that saying “yes” means they are helpless. Pride might prevent them from being as honest as they could be.

For strangers, there are limits, as the time you spend with any one of them will be rather brief (talking with strangers at bars or restaurants or riding on a bus or train might be a little different). But with co-workers, friends and family, the time you spend together can help you find more specific and useful kindnesses to practice.

In this day of lawsuits, telling someone at work how nice they look might not be a wise move. However, you might notice they’re struggling with the printer, and offer to help. If you know that they like coffee, and notice that some $%@#! emptied the pot, you might make some more.

Sometimes the best kindnesses are anonymous. Bring doughnuts and leave them in the break room. Watch people who normally don’t talk to each other chat (however briefly) as they try to figure out who did it. Just try not to giggle at all the activity, it gives you away. How would I know? Well….

At home, or with friends, as the level of familiarity increases, so does the opportunities for kindness, and very personalized ones at that. Does someone in the house like flowers? Do they have a favorite type? Chocolate? Notes or poetry? A tidy room? A spotless kitchen? Everything back in it’s place? These are the kindnesses you can do to help show them love.

For the less affectionate forms of love, there are still ways to be kind or helpful. If a group of friends is getting ready to go camping or mountain biking or whatever, what can you offer to do? Do they need you to drive? Bring food? Be in charge of water? Pick a site? Show up on time instead of an hour late? 😉

Once you have been practicing kindness for a little while, try to notice how different life is for you, and how much stronger your bonds are to the people you’ve helped. Have you noticed that they are sending little kindnesses back your way? Even better! That’s the kind of feedback that lifts all of you, and that’s some of the best stuff out there. Keep it up!

From: Twitter, @DalaiLama
confirmed at : it’s his own feed…
Photo by William Woodward (Woody)