Without a sense of equanimity, unbiased love and compassion cannot even get started.

Without a sense of equanimity, unbiased love and compassion cannot even get started. – Dalai Lama

Calm, refreshed, and ready to face the day.

What does that mean?
Let’s start with a definition. At thefreedictionary.com, equanimity is defined as “The quality of being calm and even-tempered; composure.” So, restating the quote, it becomes: “Without an even temper, unbiased love and compassion cannot even get started.”

This quote is reminding us that a mind and heart in turmoil cannot give truly unbiased love and unbiased compassion. Therefore, to be able to give unbiased love and unbiased compassion, we must first find a way to become calm, composed and even-tempered.

Why is the ability to be calm important?
Ever see a lovers quarrel? There is no calm to be seen anywhere near a scene like that, is there? For those of you who have been in one of those lovely little discussions, how do you feel afterwards? Do you see things a little more clearly? Can you see their point, even if you feel it’s wrong? Do you now see a dozen or so ways you could have handled the situation better? Welcome to the club.

The ability to be calm allows us to relax and allow hate, anger, upset and other negative emotions flow past us, like the breeze does on a blustery day. We remain calm, and can see what is happening. We can then use this calm refuge of ours to try to de-escalate the situation, and bring more calm to the other people involved.

In this manner, our ability to be (or become) calm allows us to show our love and compassion for the other people around us. It allows us to shine with our true selves, and light the way to a better resolution of the situation. Can you see it?

Where can I apply this in my life?
Not every situation is a confrontation or a screaming match. Sometimes it can be something as simple as getting out of the bed on the wrong side, as the saying goes. On that kind of day, are you able to show your full love and compassion to others? I know I can’t.

The same goes for other people. Ever try to deal with someone before they’ve had their proper dosing of caffeine? Sometimes they’re only mildly irritated, rather than upset, but it’s still not calm. Have you ever been that person, before their first cup of coffee (or tea or MtDew or Jolt or…)? It never seems to be the best time to do anything, does it?

This quote, while it is directed at the reader, it also encompasses others. Does it matter how calm you are if the other person isn’t calm? While we cannot control the emotions of others, we can use skill in choosing when to interact and when to wait. We can also try to calm them at least a little, but that is not easily done if we aren’t already calm ourselves.

That makes this quote a little more complex. We must remain calm, and be sufficiently sensitive to the states of others to notice how calm they are (or aren’t) and help them to become more calm. For someone as easily agitated as I am, that can be a tall order.

To work on my own “calmness issues,” I have been doing some meditating and a lot of reflecting. For me, meditation is very interesting, as I can almost see my brain cleaning house and reorganizing the day’s lessons. As for reflecting, I find someplace comfortable and review the day’s events, trying to find way to improve how things went.

How do you calm yourself down? Grab some paper and write down the last few times you got really wound up. Angry, frustrated, sad, any un-calm state will do. For each instance, write down what you did to regain your calm. Is there a pattern or something you can build on? Is there something you can use to remind yourself if you ever detect that you are losing your calm?

How do you calm others down? There are breathing and pacing methods which rely on the sympathetic reaction of the human nervous system. There are methods involving distraction (or confusion, if their focus is part of the problem).

Have you ever helped calm someone who was overly emotional? Write a few of them down. For each instance, write down what you did to help them regain their composure. Is there a pattern? Does the methods you used tell you anything about yourself?

Once some semblance of calm has been restored, we can use our love and compassion to help others. But first we must be calm.

From: Twitter, @DalaiLama
confirmed at : it’s his own feed…
Photo by Ollie Crafoord