With virtue you can’t be entirely poor; without virtue you can’t really be rich. – Chinese Proverb
What are your virtues, your true riches? Mr. Punctuality? Not me!
What does that mean?
Let’s start with a definition of virtue. Virtue is defined by dictionary. reference. com as “moral excellence; goodness; righteousness.” Substituting into the quote, we get “with moral excellence you can’t be entirely poor; without moral excellence you can’t really be rich.”
To me, it speaks to self respect. No matter how poor a person is, they can have self respect, and that is a form of wealth, of self-value. Conversely, no amount of money can buy self respect, and without it you cannot have a rich life.
The caveat I will put in is this: I will use the word self respect for virtue, with the assumption that the self respect comes from a true an honest assessment devoid of neurosis or delusion, but based in excellence, moral and otherwise.
Why is self respect important?
If you don’t respect yourself, who will respect you? And self respect comes in many flavors or varieties. There is the classic nerd who is 45 pounds overweight, but has high mental self worth due to the status in the professional community, yet has little respect for their physical body.
There is also emotional self worth, and people without it tend to end up addicted to drugs or alcohol (why should it matter), in dead end jobs (because they don’t deserve better), and abusive or co-dependent relationships (for the same reason).
There are many varieties of self worth, and where you stand may change depending on who you are with. If you spend Saturday day with your running buddies, you may feel flabby and out of shape, which by comparison, you are.
If you then spend Saturday night partying with some of your old college buddies, you may well be in the best shape of all the people there, a virtual paragon of fitness. Which is the real you? Be careful of what (or who) you use for measurement. It could adversely impact your self worth and self respect.
To take it one step beyond, consider the teen who reads a bunch of magazines with pictures of (to me, at least) overly skinny people. What does that do to their self worth and self respect? Is it any wonder that there is an ongoing problem with the definition of ‘beauty’ in the Western world?
Where can I apply this in my life?
Let’s start with the moral side, and then touch briefly on the physical side of self respect. What can you do to feel richer through appreciation of your self respect and through minimizing or eliminating areas where you have little self respect, self dislike or even self loathing. Let’s get to it!
Morally, where do you stand? I realize that once again, we’re at the mercy of social and religious values, but you must remain congruent with your values. Let’s make a list of the three aspects of your life where you feel you are most moral (most strongly aligned with your values and beliefs) and three where you feel you have an ongoing challenge. For me, my list looks like this: strong (integrity, trustworthiness, fiscally sound) and challenge (truth, cursing, punctuality).
Examine your list. For me, the strong suits (where I have good reason to have strong self respect) are my integrity, trustworthiness and my finances. I give myself high marks in each category, as would most people who know me. My challenge suits are truth, cursing and punctuality.
The truth category has more to do with my kids, and what I can and can’t tell them. They may be “little white lies,” but they still chafe. As for cursing, I have very high standards as a former Scout leader (and still involved peripherally), but find myself slipping as my son moves through his teen years. Punctuality, on the other hand, I have always had problems with. It isn’t critical to me, I tend to be sufficiently flexible, but in the circles in which I travel, it is highly valued.
I try to keep the items on my strong list in mind, and give myself an ‘atta-boy’ when I perform up to my expectations. It requires conscious competence (that is you both have to notice you’ve done the right thing, and remember to reward yourself), but I find it rewarding and enriching, and would encourage you to try it as well.
For the items on my challenge list, I try to keep them in my mind as well, and try to anticipate when I’m going into one of those areas. If my pre-teen daughter asks an awkward question, I try to be ready with as straight an answer as I can handle giving her (it can be tougher to be dad to a girl, I’ve found).
Then, later that night after putting her to bed, I consider what else I could have done or said, and add the analysis to my tool box (redirection often works with her, but less and less often of late). I also try to monitor myself and my emotions, as I have found that I curse mostly when I’m frustrated.
Knowing that, I can try to be ready with another word or phrase as I near the breaking point. This is the method I use, and I encourage you to try it, and modify it as needed, to suit your needs. If you have another way that works well for you, please share it.
On the physical self worth front, I was feeling a bit down on myself lately (lower than average self respect on the physical maintenance front), as I’ve lost a little bit of muscle and gained a little fat (my own fault, haven’t made exercising a sufficiently high priority).
Then last week, at the kid’s Spring Performance, I realized I was the only one there who was simply hopping onto the stage (at three feet above the floor) without having to walk around & up the stairs or climb up. I just approached, did a little skip & leap, land in a crouch, stand and start walking. Going down was just walking to the edge and dropping, catching my weight with bent knees, and continuing on my way.
Even the young dads, easily half my age couldn’t do it (not even the tall ones, as that is a definite advantage). My self esteem went up more than a little bit (but I still need to make time to work out). So sometimes, it just takes a little perspective. I spend time with some pretty crazy-fit people (ie special forces, body builders, and martial artists), so my standards can be a little high most days.
What aspects of your self esteem are low due to having exceptionally (and perhaps unrealistically) high standards? Is that something you want to evaluate? In my case, I imagine that, baring any injuries, I could reach nearly those levels of physical strength and endurance, if I put in the hours a day that they do. I just have to remember that I don’t value that level of physical perfection enough to allocate that much time to attain it.
How are you going to enrich your life today? What are you going to notice that you did well, and what are you going to correct in some manner? It won’t be an instant change, but then neither is wealth instant, unless you’re lucky!
From: Twitter, undocumented feed (my bad)
confirmed at: http://www.great-quotes.com/quote/1372489
Photo by ~suchitra~
