A mere friend will agree with you, but a real friend will argue.

A mere friend will agree with you, but a real friend will argue. – Russian Proverb

Do you have the integrity to remind your friend that they are trying to quit smoking, or will you go with the flow?

What does that mean?
As an aside, this is also listed as an Assyrian Proverb.

It means just what it says, that a mere friend will simply agree with you.  A true friend will stand their ground and let you know what they think of your action or plan.

If you are going to do something stupid or dangerous, the true friend should do what it takes to help you understand why you are being an idiot, jerk or fool.  The mere friend, or “yes man,” will simply agree without any consideration of what the consequences of their friend’s actions might be.

Why is integrity important?
It’s easy to go with the flow.  It’s easy to go along and get along.  It takes a special kind of person to risk a friendship to save a friend.  Have you ever done something stupid and wished you’d have had a real friend around to have stopped you?  Conversely, have you ever let something a friend was doing go by, and later regretted not having intervened?

So, integrity is important, as much to you as to your friends.  If you don’t have integrity, you’ll have other problems besides not being a real friend.  On the flip side, if you were the one in need of a real friend, who would you turn to?  Who would you want to be able to count on, no matter what?  How many of your friends would like to feel that way about you?

Where can I apply this in my life?
How many of you have ever hidden (or taken) keys away from a friend who was in no shape to drive?  It would be so easy to just wave goodbye and hope for the best.  It’s much harder to actually have the integrity to stand against your friend and save them from themselves.  It’s a situation that can get pretty ugly, as the first thing to go in most forms of impairment is judgement.  This is true whether it’s drugs, alcohol, stress or even emotional turmoil.

OK, that was an easy one.  How else can integrity show up in a friendship?  Perhaps you are out with a friend and they’re in a relationship with someone who isn’t there.  You see your friend flirting.  What do you do?  When does it become too much?  That will depend on the nature of the relationship your friend was in, but at some point it will become too much.  What do you do then?  Do you have the integrity to protect your friend from their own stupidity?

What if they’re quitting something (let’s use smoking as an example)?  What will you do, how much effort will you put into arguing with them if you see them trying to bum a smoke or buy a pack?  The easy way out is to say or do nothing, after all, it’s just one.  Do you wait until the second or third before you say something, or has momentum taken over?

If you object at the beginning, how much effort will you put into preventing them from completing the action?  The level of effort required to maintain your integrity will vary depending on the level of commitment of the friend to quitting.  But you will know inside of yourself whether your actions had integrity or not.

Now, what do you do if this is outside your comfort zone?  Like any other behavior, you have to train it.  The trick is finding the fine line between being a friend and being a nag.  Unfortunately, that difference is in the eye of the beholder, so you need feedback from your friend.

It helps to have the conversation before they are in the situation.  It might go something like “I know you’re trying to quit, how much of a pain in the neck should I be if you try to bum one?”  Doesn’t that make it a lot easier on you later that evening?  It’s something you might want to try tonight, right?

Be a true friend, a real friend.  Argue for your friend when they have given up or given in.

From: Twitter, @DavidRoads
confirmed at: http://www.famous-proverbs.com/Rushian_Proverbs.htm
confirmed at: http://www.idiomsandexpressions.com/mere-friend-will-agree-you-real-friend-will-argue-assyrian
Photo by jemsweb