There are plenty of acquaintances in the world; but very few real friends. – Chinese Proverb
Why are we friends? Let me count the ways...
What does that mean?
This saying goes back to the definition of “friend” vs that of “acquaintances.” And, despite the existence of a textbook definition, everyone has a personal definition, which will differ slightly from person to person.
At thefreedictionary.com, a friend is defined as “A person whom one knows, likes, and trusts.” An acquaintance is defined as “knowledge of a person acquired by a relationship less intimate than friendship.”
In this post, I will talk mostly about a friendship between two people, but if you think of a group of people as a bunch of person-to-person connections, it is easier to describe. It also allows you to discuss the problems in a group, where one person is friends with everyone but one person. Have you ever seen this dynamic in a group? In the worst case, you end up with sub groups with a few members in common.
Why is friendship important?
To me, the core of the difference between friend and acquaintance is how much you would do for that person. Another way to state this is an acquaintance will listen to the story, a friend will be in the story. Another part of the difference between an acquaintance and a friend is the emotional bond between the two people. When they are sad, so you say to yourself “that’s too bad,” or do you want to go to them and console them?
What else differentiates an acquaintance from a friend? The level of knowledge about them, the levels of trust, loyalty and respect would also be a pat of it (to me, at least). What is important to you in a friend?
The thought of having friends, to me, brings out the thoughts of having fun. With friends, you have enough shared experience to be a little more natural, and be a bit more of yourself. With acquaintances, there tends to be a little unease about how to act around them.
That might be the simplest definition of a friend yet, one around whom you can be yourself without worry of offending them. That’s the kind of person I like to be around when I’m trying to relax and blow off steam. The last thing I need when trying to unwind is to keep worrying about my behavior and how it’s impacting the other people around me.
Where can I apply this in my life?
I will go on the assumption that you already have at least one friend. Then the question becomes how does one get more friends? I will also presume that you have a number of acquaintances. I see two answers to how to get more friends – to ‘upgrade’ an acquaintance and to seek out new people.
In the paragraphs below, you will see places where new people can be added to the list, as well as a specific paragraph on hunting up some friend candidates. As to upgrading an acquaintance, I would start by making a list of the 4 or 5 people you most enjoy spending time around. For each, write down all the reasons you can think up about why they are not yet friends. For each of the items listed, come up with an activity or two to help you decide if they meet your minimum standards for a friend.
Yeah, that’s a lot of writing, but you are examining a significant portion of your social life, so you might want to put a little effort into it, right? Next, look through the list of activities and see which ones are common. If you are planning to be friends with these people, it would help if you had more than one fun activity in common.
Now, it’s time to start planning the events. Bowling, horseback riding, hiking, biking, parachuting, rock climbing, book reading, movie watching, ethnic food eating or whatever the activity might be, pick a date and start calling people. Even if you can’t get everyone to each activity, you can also introduce the acquaintances to other friends and acquaintances. This cross-pollination can lead to interesting discoveries (it’s how I met my wife).
When you’re at the activity, spend some time talking to both the people you invited and to the folks who came with others. Perhaps you can pick up a few new friend candidates. It can be an excellent time to chat with the people around you (and not just your friends).
This can help you find out about how interesting people are, and what you have in common. It can also help you cross off some people, as you will find some people who are self centered, rude, crude, crass, mean or otherwise un-friendly (by whatever your definition is).
As for hunting up some new friend candidates, think like a hunter. Would you go fishing in a prairie? Would you look for gophers in a lake? Determine the traits you require a friend to have, then look where you think those kind of people hang out. It’s tougher than upgrading an acquaintance, unless you’re good with the whole “meeting new people” thing (not my strong suit). It helps that you’re at some place specific. That can be the ice breaker. You could start with mentioning that you’re new here, could you explain something to me, and see where it goes from there.
True friends know you within a few words, while others will never know the real you in a lifetime. Seek true friends; they are rare, but they never disappoint. I have three true friends, how many do you have?
From: Twitter, @AncientProverbs
confirmed at: http://thinkexist.com/quotation/a_man_should_choose_a_friend_who_is_better_than/260538.html (it’s the second half of at two sentence quote)
Photo by redcargurl
