As the sun makes ice melt, kindness causes misunderstanding, mistrust, and hostility to evaporate.

As the sun makes ice melt, kindness causes misunderstanding, mistrust, and hostility to evaporate. – Albert Schweitzer

That is quite a nice peace offering. I sure hope it doesn't come back marked "Return to Sender!"

What does that mean?
When I’m mad at someone, often because I think they’re being mean, or there has been some kind of misunderstanding or loss of trust, being cold can be a very accurate description of how I would feel towards them.

A “frosty reception”, an “icy stare”, a “cold shoulder” or a “chill in the air” all are words you’ve probably read in a book or heard narrated on radio, television or a movie.  As the first part of the saying goes, the sun melts ice, so can kindness melt the ice of a frosty relationship.

Why is kindness important?
The smart-alack in me says “without it, life would be a B-itch!”  But what is kindness?  The root word, kind, is defined by thefreedictionary.com as “Of a friendly, generous, or warm-hearted nature” or “Showing sympathy or understanding; charitable”.  Sounds like the antithesis of misunderstanding, mistrust and hostility, doesn’t it?

Could being friendly, generous, warm-hearted, charitable and showing sympathy or understanding be a real game changer for you?  It might if you give it a chance, or do you already know that it works?  Might it be important to practice these things, to improve these skills?

Where can I apply this in my life?
This seems to be mostly an interpersonal tool, as far as I can tell.  I don’t think the Pakistani people can expect a thaw in relations with the Indian people by lending a sympathetic ear, or by giving a gift of chocolates.  So, where can this be used in your life?

Have you ever had that “frosty” feeling, either directed at you by someone else, or emanating from you towards someone else?  Most of us have, I would imagine.  So, how many of those situations ever were resolved in a favorable manner?  And how were they resolved?  An apology, a “heart to heart” discussion?

Would that be a “showing sympathy or understanding,” the very definition of being kind?  Perhaps you got things thawed out with a gift, a token, or perhaps an action that was “friendly, generous or warm-hearted”?

If you have a sufficiently sharp memory, or if the event was in the recent past, you can probably trace both the cause of the “frostiness” to a case of “misunderstanding, mistrust, or hostility” (mistaken or otherwise), and the thawing of the situation to some form of kindness.

For me, when there’s been a misunderstanding, the most important thing is to get the record straight.  If it helps for me to take the blame to move things forward, then so be it, it’s just a step along the path to getting the misunderstanding straightened out.

Some would argue over the blame, but that’s not an act of kindness, and doesn’t help to thaw things one iota.  In fact, it may very well move a misunderstanding to mistrust or even hostility.  Then you’re going to need a bigger gift to thaw things, and a larger helping of crow.

So, how does one practice these skills?  One could go about making a mess of things, so that one could then practice making things right again.  If your life is going that smoothly, you’re a lucky dog!  For the rest of us, if you look for times when you see another wince because of something you have said or their face grow cold, that might be a good time.

Try a quick apology and try to get a discussion going, and probe for why they reacted the way they did.  It may be that you hit a raw nerve you didn’t even know about.  Being understanding of their reaction, even if your words were not intended to offend, can be critical to thawing in this situation.

Perhaps there’s a relationship in your life that’s been in the freezer for years.  You might want to start with something small, just to get the lines of communication started.  A birthday card, a holiday greeting or something similar that doesn’t involve your face or voice might be a good first step.

Why avoid your voice or face?  It is something that will likely stir deeper emotions (more likely to reinforce the frost than thaw it) then would a store-bought card with a signature on the bottom.  Provided it doesn’t come back marked “return to sender“, you’re on your way.  The exact path will depend on the thickness of the ice you need to melt, and the nature of the “offense” that started it.

If you follow the path of kindness, you can meet them half way and reach out to them.  But they must be willing to walk their half of the path and reach out to you in return, and that is outside your control.  You can entice them, but they must be willing.  There are limits, after all.

From: Twitter, undocumented feed (my bad)
confirmed at: http://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/quotes/a/albertschw121165.html
Photo by superba_