Peace and friendship with all mankind is our wisest policy, and I wish we may be permitted to pursue it. – Thomas Jefferson
"Ewww, do I have to sit next to ..." Really? Cooperate, at least for a little while.
What does that mean?
To me, it speaks of the losses of war. In a war, no one wins, one side just lose less. That said, there are reasons to go to war, in my opinion. The idealist in Jefferson wants peace, but the caveat he places at the end shows the pragmatist that coexists with the idealist within him.
The premise is that we achieve the most gain when both parties cooperate. However, there are leaders and countries which have, at various points in time, been utterly intractable. For instance, how would you have cooperated with Nero? With Attila the Hun? With the marauding tribes of “barbarians” during the contraction and fall of Rome, and the centuries after? By all means, pursue peace. Just keep a pointed stick handy (or whatever might be more effective, technology permitting).
Why is cooperation important?
Anyone who has raised a family of more than one child knows the answer to this, and is probably smiling broadly or even chuckling at this question. We can remember (or still face the daily prospect of) the squabbling, fussing and (only occasionally, I hope) fighting over resources – I mean toys.
They say the difference between men and boys are the size of their toys. Replace two squabbling toddlers with two squabbling countries, and pushing becomes bombing. A clenched fist becomes missiles. Biting becomes invading tanks and troops. It’s a lousy way to govern a planet. But one must defend oneself (in my opinion, at least – although I know some “peace at any price” types… not sure how they would react to watching their family killed…).
Where can I apply this in my life?
Unless you are the next President (or whatever the title for the head of your country might be), there’s not much you can do on the world stage. However, you can start locally and build up from there.
You could start within your own family. Unless you are an only child and your parents have died, you probably have someone in your family you don’t get along with. Consider why you don’t get along with them. Is the anger, frustration, pettiness, indignation (righteous, moral or otherwise) really that big, or is it an excuse?
Can you think of what the underlying problem is? If you can’t, isn’t that a sign that you might simply be holding a grudge out of momentum? If you CAN recall the underlying problem, re-evaluate it. Is it really still so important? Important enough to interfere with all the fun you could have had over the past years, and all the fun you might have in the future? Yeah, they might be haughty, but are they fun at a karaoke bar?
Perhaps they can be fun at a baseball game (either a pickup game in the neighborhood park or out to see the local team)? Odds are there are some situations where they are actually kind of fun to be around. Try to maximize those times, while minimizing the times when they are a pain in the.
In our family, it took death to get us past a similar situation. My father was the youngest of 3 brothers. The eldest, having died in WWII, left just the two brothers. When their mother became ill (their father having died many years prior), the middle brother made an addition to his home to accommodate her, and expected my dad to pay for half of the addition. My dad refused to pay the amount of money being asked.
For nearly a decade, they didn’t talk to each other, or even exchange Christmas cards. When she died, there was a very brief visitation and much bristling between the brothers, and we were gone again. Several years later, as the middle brother was dying of organ failure, he realized that the course that was pursued was not the best one. Forgiveness flowed, as did tears, and for a brief time the family was whole again.
When I thought about this series of events, it shook me to the core, seeing that brothers could be so non-cooperative. The realization of what had occurred to start this also changed me. While I still pursue money, I am also fairly free with it, donating and helping where I can.
Perhaps your family is doing well (congratulations!), so you might look outside into the neighborhood. Are there neighbors who are being bitchy? Perhaps you can listen to each side (separately), and see if you can’t help them understand the other person’s point of view.
Is there a larger dispute in your town? Perhaps you can listen to each side with an open mind (the lack of which underpins most confrontations), and help each side understand how they benefit from cooperation. Good luck with that, and if you are successful, consider a career change to Ambassador – the world desperately needs people with these skills!
The only way to truly win is to also help the other person win. Go win-win, or go home.
From: Twitter, undocumented feed (my bad)
confirmed at: http://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/quotes/t/thomasjeff121439.html
Photo by Mike Miley
