I praise loudly; I blame softly. – Catherine II (the Great)
Is this how those around you expect you to react when they screw up?
What does that mean?
This quote would help make the world a better place in which to live, if we could all agree to live in it’s spirit. By praising loudly, all can hear, notice, and be motivated in a positive manner. The person praised knows that all have heard, and can be proud. All who heart the praise know what they can get, if they can perform. Everyone is now motivated, and in a positive manner.
Conversely, those who merit blame are to be blamed quietly or in private, so that few others know. This helps the person being blamed avoid excessive shaming and embarrassment. This is key to encouraging people to take risks, as they know that if the risk doesn’t work out, their blame won’t “go viral” on them. There will still be repercussions, but the person will be spared the worst of the public humiliation. Back in the day of this quote, that was quite a kindness.
Why is kindness important?
This quote is all about kindness, even though the word is never used. But it is there, none the less. By amplifying the praise, kindness helps both the person(s) praised, as well as all who hear of the praise. Everyone knows who did well, and can see what awaits them when they perform in a similar manner.
It is even kinder to keep the blame quiet. The person may not enjoy being disciplined, but at least the humiliation is largely avoided. Which would be considered kinder, a closed door meeting with your boss, or a public chewing-out in the hallway? Even if the exact same words were used, only one gets the rumor mill in high gear, right?
The kindness in this post is all about the feelings. Amplifying the pleasant feelings, and minimizing the less pleasant ones. But being kind has an advantage for the person being kind (besides the warm-fuzzy feeling inside, that is). It helps to bond as a team, it helps the morale and enthusiasm of everyone, and it tends to instill some gratitude in the recipients of the kindness. Kindness is almost always a win-win situation, and thus a very important tool to have in your toolbox.
Where can I apply this in my life?
Unless you are a head-of-state, you probably won’t use it in exactly the same manner as Catherine the Great, however, it does appear to scale fairly well. I try to use this method with the kids. I try not to belittle or otherwise humiliate them in front of each other, nor in front of others. It doesn’t always work out that way, but I try.
How about you? How do you treat your kids (if you have (or had) any)? How were you treated when you were a kid? What do you think is the better method, allowing for occasional exceptions? Do you think kindness will get you better reactions than vinegar, at least most of the time?
Where in your life are you in a position of power? It could be anything from personal relationships, to being an influential member of a social group, or even a formal position as an elected leader within a group of people (club, professional society, etc). Grab some paper and write down a few of the more important positions of power you have.
If you’re having trouble coming up with many, consider the flip side, and where you are in a group in a non-leadership position. Use these only if you can’t come up with a few places in your life where you’re part of the leadership. For those situations where you’re not a leader, consider the opposite; instead of thinking of how you could treat others, consider how you would like others to treat you.
Take a moment and consider how much kindness you manage to work into your usual interactions with the others under your influence or authority. Do you always, sometimes, or rarely remember to give any praise, or are they simply expected to do their best all the time without you having to offer them a treat?
What about the other side? Do you make your comments in public, or in private? Are they constructive comments, or do you bring the pain? Do you think you get better results when you are more public when discussing blame? Do you get better results with a kind suggestion or a Hollywood-grade tirade?
Now, consider how you react, both for praise and blame, in each situation you listed above. Rate yourself on a scale of 1 to 10 (where 1 is the least kind person you could possibly be, and a 10 is as close as you can get to sainthood while still alive) for each of them. Try to be as honest as you can.
Brainstorm some ideas for how you might make a habit of being a little more kind in both praise and blame. Is there a trigger that brings out the worst in you? Is there a similar trigger that brings out the best in you? Can you find a way to notice the one, and try to switch to the other? It may take some effort, but I believe it is worth it, for everyone’s sake.
While I realize every person is different, as is every situation, I believe it’s worth moving your average behavior closer to kindness. The next step is up to you, what will it be, kindness or something else?
From: Twitter, @Zen_Moments
confirmed at : http://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/quotes/c/catherinet108926.html
Photo by Sebastian Fritzon
