If you love something, let it go. If it comes back to you, its yours forever. If it doesn’t, then it was never meant to be.

If you love something, let it go. If it comes back to you, its yours forever. If it doesn’t, then it was never meant to be. – Unknown

Twoo Wuv. I mean “True Love.” From the movie The Princess Bride.

What does that mean?
To me, this quote is speaking of the most fundamental rule of the universe. Love isn’t owned and cannot be taken. It can only be given. This quote talks about mutual love and of the only valid test. If you love someone, you have to give them the freedom to choose for itself.

The freedom to choose is important, as sometimes a love is out of duty, loyalty, fear (of loneliness or retaliation) or for some other reason. In each of these cases, the love (true love) is only in one direction, the other direction of love is tainted by the reason for the love (something other than true love).

By turning the other person loose, they if they come back, it is (one hopes) because they love you, and the feeling is mutual. If they don’t come back, you would only have been fighting a losing battle to hold on to them. That is a battle that you will eventually lose, so lose it early and get on with your life.

Why is love (true love) important?
Let’s start with some definitions, shall we? Love is defined at thefreedictionary.com as “A deep, tender, ineffable feeling of affection and solicitude toward a person, such as that arising from kinship, recognition of attractive qualities or a sense of underlying oneness.” and “An intense emotional attachment, as for a pet or a treasured object.”

Another definition to consider is infatuation, which is defined as “A foolish, unreasoning or extravagant passion or attraction (synonym of love).” If we look at the second definition listed for love, and apply it to people instead of pets or objects, you can see how it would resemble infatuation.

To me, this is where I differentiate true love from common love. True love (you may use a different word) is between two people and is mutual in nature and based on the calling of the heart. Compare this with a relationship where one person has a form of love for the other, but it isn’t mutual. If you’ve ever experienced both kinds, you probably have a definite preference for what I call true love, right?

Where can I apply this in my life?
We all have relationships in our life. Some even rise to the level that makes it appropriate to use the word love. Whether it’s familial love, brotherly love, romantic love or whatever other label you may have, putting the word love in it, takes it to a whole new level.

How do you measure love, and what are the rules you expect love to use? What are the do’s and don’ts? Does everyone have the exact same list? Do you talk about where things stand often enough to notice that things are drifting apart, or is your first clue their last act of desperation?

An interesting description of what I consider true love, with proper motivation, can be found in the New Testament, 1st Corinthians, Chapter 13, Verses 4-7 :

4 Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5 It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6 Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7 It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

Read the whole passage, and compare it to some of the people you love. How well does your love score by this measure? I try to keep track of my loves and keep track of how well I am doing. How often have you measured your love? It’s not something most of us do very often, if ever, right?

You may have a different way to measure love, and that’s fine. Just be sure that your partners in love know what your scale is, so that everyone is on the same page. My wife and I chose the Biblical passage above for our wedding, so we would know how to measure our behavior and our love.

Take some time to determine what your definition of love is and how it is to be measured. Then share it with the people you love and see if they agree. It might end in a lively discussion (or worse), but if that’s the case, that discussion will occur eventually, right? Do it now, before there are years of resentment built into it, and that way the hurt may be lessened and may be easier to heal.

This is probably the scariest of all the quotes I have tackled, from a practical standpoint. Who wants to take a chance at losing someone they love? But, as the quote says, if they don’t come back, it wasn’t meant to be. So by not taking that leap of faith and turning them lose, you may end up pouring a lot of time and effort into a relationship that is destined to fail. And that hurts a lot more. Trust me on that one.

From: Twitter, @Quotes_on_Love
confirmed at : http://www.quotes.net/quote/18405
The photo is scaled and referenced from the IMDb entry for “The Princess Bride” (1987) by MGM

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1,237 Responses to If you love something, let it go. If it comes back to you, its yours forever. If it doesn’t, then it was never meant to be.

  1. Lakeshia 14 August 2015 at 2:30 am #

    That was good. I was involved with a man and I Loved him with my soul. I have loved before, but I have never felt this way about anyone, he was my best friend. We talked about EVERYTHING, if anything happened good or bad, he was the first person I would call. I wanted to share every detail of my life with him. I thought for sure we would be married right now, but unfortunately that didn’t happen. We took a trip last summer and things have been rocky every since that point. We went from talking everyday, to 3 weeks with no communication at all. I tried everything to make him see, just how much I Loved him, but he kept giving excuses as to why we are at this point, and it just doesn’t add up, and it hurts so bad. So I finally made the decision to let it go, if he is meant for me he will come back. Walking away is not always so easy to do, but I had to let it go.

    • philosiblog 18 August 2015 at 9:58 pm #

      Thanks for sharing your experience. That is the crux of the quote, isn’t it? If you didn’t let go, you’d be fighting the fight every day until he left, and then all you’d have is month(s) or year(s) of regret, anger, and frustration. And he’s still gone. That’s not to say you don’t fight for what you want, but to realize that there is a time to let go.

      As I frequently say, we are all stronger than we know. We can do and endure far more than we imagine. You’ll get through this, and you will find someone worthy of you. It might be him, once he deals with his issues, or it might be someone else. But stay strong through the tough days, and enjoy the good ones.

  2. Diss 21 August 2015 at 7:31 am #

    Hi, I’m 18 now, I met a girl accidently or it was meant to happen because I kinda felt it happening before hand (gut feeling).
    So we got to know each other it turned into a relationship and so on. We we were best friends and we told each other about our past. She had been through a lot. A guy who used to like her, liked 2 girls at the same time and she got dumped and it turned into a bitch fight because the other girl was also a friend of hers. So at the same time, her mother told her that her mother and father are seperatedS and pretended to be together until she was at an age which she could understand the divorce.So when both of those things combined she was obviously devastated and she started getting trust issues. So she told me all of that and I also was there for whenever she needed me and it was a happy relationship. But when we spoke about our ex’s and what we had done and all I told her that I’ve been in a relationship before and I’ve caressed and all that but I never told her that I’ve gotten a blowjob and it was that intimate. But at that time she asked me if I’m not telling her anything thinking that she might freak out about me. But I said no because it was really uncomfortable for me to tell her that. So then we were happy the relationship continued I asked her out, and it grew we were about 1 year into the relationship. But last month I just couldn’t resist hiding anything from her, she always loved me and she was always honest with me, she trusted me 100% but I couldn’t lie to her because I loved her, I told her about the blowjob with my ex and stuff, she was shocked and she was hurt.She was really upset that I hid something from her. Then she made up her mind, her preception about me changed and she decided that we’re done and that I should move on. It hurt me so much, I realized that I had made a big mistake and I tried explaining to her, I was genuinely sorry for what I did. But she is independent, smart and I know that she’d never change her principles. But I always felt that she’s the one, cause everything about her I always got a gut feeling and ironically the first time I met her was at a trip organized for her by her parents to tell her that they’re seperated. I was always genuinely happy with her. I love her so much, it’s so hard for me to let go cause deep down inside something tells me that she’s the one, but I also know that she’s very independent and she won’t change her policies just like that. Also when she first started going out with me her mom advised her that serious relationships at this age won’t work. And her mom also told her that anyone who lies to their parents will eventually lie to their partners. My gf knew that I lie to my parents. So all in all she said that she can’t give me another chance and she might sound rude and selfish but she doesn’t need to put up with all this, she’s not married to me or anything, so she was like she cbb and I should move on.

    • philosiblog 22 August 2015 at 10:22 pm #

      Emotions can be tricky. Sometimes what sounds like a good and sound decision will turn around and bite you later on.

      As far as I can tell from your comment, she is gone for now. The only question now is what will you do with your time? I would recommend looking to the things you know you can improve within yourself, or to things you wanted to try, but didn’t have the time while she was around.

      Just as she came into your life out of nowhere and made a huge impact, there could be another out there for you. Learn from what you did (and failed to do), and grow from the experience. Stay strong, continue to improve, and become the best person you can be at this moment in your life.

      She might come back, but she might not. Your happiness depends on you, not on her, so find what makes you happy and pursue it.

    • Dennis 28 August 2015 at 4:43 pm #

      Past relationships are past relationships. Don’t bring them up with current gfs as it will only cause problems and likely destroy any future you may have together. Be polite, don’t bash your ex, but say that’s over and I’m looking forward not back.
      Best I can suggest as I didn’t do that in my past and destroyed many possibilities.

  3. Hfa6464 3 September 2015 at 12:31 am #

    I found your article very interesting. Here is my story. I have been friends with my ex for 4 years and been together for 3years. For first 2 years she was going through divorce and it was stressful for both of us and I felt she would leave me for her husband and broke up twice. We kept our relationship a secret until last year and things were good. But I took her for granted I stop eating with her, I stop asking her out to lunch . She kept asking me to do dinner with her kids and I declined since I felt like we weren’t ready. She wanted me to marry her but I told her to take time. About 2monts ago we got in argument because she thinks I don’t love her and we stop talking for 2weeka and then she broke up with me staying I don’t love her or court her anymore. I did the usual begging and all that for 2 weeks then went NC since she is on match.com. I haven’t talked with her or text for a month, last Saturday I text her to see how she is doing and she responded we chatted back and forth 4-5twxts each but hers were longer. Then I ended it. On Monday I wrote her good morning hope you have a great week and she never responded. I am going back onNC and move on unless she contacts me. I have gone out with 4 girls in last month but decided I’m not ready to date. I have to see her at hospitals and I will just say hi and walk. What’s your thoughts?

    • philosiblog 4 September 2015 at 9:48 pm #

      Thanks for stopping by and for sharing your story.

      It is difficult to say. It sounds like she wants (or wanted) stability and to be safe as much as she wanted you. That can put a person in a tough spot. There is a desire to help, but not at the cost of your own sanity, safety, and space. It sounds like you stepped back, and she lashed out. You may have said it, but I didn’t see a place where you said that you explained what your position was, and what your needs were. It might have been part of the argument.

      In any case, if she knows you’re not ready, then she has to wait for you, to see if you come back. Perhaps that is what she is doing. Take your time and understand why you don’t think you’re ready. What else is missing? What haven’t you done? What would you need to experience or accomplish to consider yourself ready? Conversely, what changes would she need to make before you would consider her to be ready?

      You sound like you were close, but not close enough. Consider if there is any future for the two of you, and if so, what changes you both need before you two actually are close enough to move to the next step. It may be that you two will just be friends, however distant that may be in this moment of pain and discomfort. It may blossom into something more. Think, and consider your feelings.

      Stay strong, you will get through this. Knowing where you’re going (and what you want) helps, so take the time to consider that as well.

    • yrellim 2 November 2015 at 9:04 am #

      Sounds very messy from start to finish. Her divorce your feelings. I think this is a case for you to let her go as it sounds like you don’t really want her. She is on match .com as she also is serious about moving on. If I am wrong- pop the question, get engaged and then discuss dates and live happy ever after. Oh and add in the date nights with your love.

  4. Kris 20 September 2015 at 1:26 pm #

    Hello, I’m in a situation and need advice! Him and I were close friends for several years. We eventually began “talking” a while after I got out of an abusive relationship with one of my exes. Anyways, we eventually began dating and he was so supportive, humble and such a gentleman. He opened doors for me, he stocked me up on school and house supplies (the abusive ex did a lot of financial damage to me). Also, he rushed me to the hospital when I was very ill and stayed with me both nights I was there, feeding me in the hospital bed and walking me to the restroom etc. We had great communication (no arguments, not ONE) and talked all issues out assertive. We accepted each other despite our flaws (him being short and slightly unfit, me having a medical condition and ocassional acne, etc). I would cook for him when he visited, which he loved. He would massage my stomach when I had cramps. We would cheer each other up during sad times. The list goes on. Then he began talking about the future and making a plan for us (marriage date, moving in with me, where to move after we’re done with college, how many kids). And he bought me an engagement ring, saying I’m the best thing that’s happened to him, and how I changed his life in a positive way, etc. We made a promise to stick together during the toughest of times and he promised he would never hurt me. A month later, him and his family’s house get robbed and he loses his job all around the same time. Then on the phone he tells me we can’t be together anymore (without much of an explanation). He told me to stay strong and continue doing good in college and said that I’m a great person, and said he’s mailing me a gift. Then the next day he deletes me from all social media, including Skype! What’s going on? I haven’t heard from him in almost a week. I love him so much. He’s such a rarity. Should I try contacting him again? Would he take me back? What do I do? There’s already been a couple guys who asked me out (including my abusive ex lol) but I don’t want anyone else except the one who let me go.

    • philosiblog 21 September 2015 at 10:28 pm #

      We men are curious creatures. When something traumatic happens, we often hide to deal with the emotions involved. Add to that the injury of theft (what kind of man am I who cannot protect his own house?) and loss of a job (what kind of man am I who cannot keep a job?), it’s easy to understand how he might feel humiliated and want to hide. Does that sound like it might fit?

      Perhaps it’s coming from his parents, who are feeling the shame of the events, and want to hide. In their hiding, they would have to have him hide as well, otherwise they wouldn’t be hiding very well, right?

      I don’t know what caused him to go into hiding, but as he has cut all media links, it’s up to you to find him and try to discuss this face to face. Perhaps he’ll feel better after some time, or getting a new job, but without you reaching out to him, he may not come back to you.

      Does that make sense? I hope what I said helped you determine your course of action.

  5. Jessica 22 September 2015 at 1:21 am #

    My ex-bf and I have dated for 17 months. A week ago he decided to break up, he said we can’t go on like this. He said he wants to be with me and love me, but not like this. The thing is, during our relationship we spent almost everyday together. We would see eachother all the time and made our life revolve around the relationship. About a year after dating I noticed him hanging with his friends more often (he was still seeing me a lot too), but I would get upset because I wasn’t use to this change. And I would get upset over little things, I’d pick out little things to argue about that usually wouldn’t even matter to me. I really felt guilty for giving him a hard time, and I really began to be unhappy with myself and I would always be negative and down because I was too dependent on him for my happiness. I lost my own source of happiness. I guess no one wants to be with a person that’s not happy with themselves, right? When he broke up with me he said he really needed to do this, for the both of us. He says he doesn’t feel like we are achieving anything and that we’re not taking the future seriously. He says how can I see a future with you if I can’t even see my own future.. He would like the both of us to move on and find happiness within ourselves and that maybe then something great can happen between us. But for now he really just wants us to move on and be independent. It hurts me but I really am trying my best to understand him because I know why he’s doing this, as I guess I need this for myself too after having been so reliant on him. But he says he wishes to be really good friends still, friends that can talk everyday and hangout because he enjoys it (I enjoy it too). And he tells me the purpose of this break up isn’t to get rid of me but for us to just really start a new chapter and find happiness of our own. Please tell me your thoughts on this. I am talking to him happily and I’m not trying to show him any weakness because I want to prove to him that I can do it. I am trying my best to focus on myself and make myself a happy person because I know he would be happy to see me happy. I really hope he finds happiness too. Although deeep down I have hopes of getting back together, and I really really believe that one day we will. But for now my focus is myself. Please tell me your thoughts!

    • philosiblog 25 September 2015 at 4:09 am #

      Thanks for stopping by and sharing your story.

      It sounds, both from your comments and from his, that your relationship was having difficulties. You listed a few things you did which weren’t helpful to the relationship, right? It sounds like he wants to take a step back, and give both of you a chance to work on your individual issues, to improve yourselves. It sounds like you have already come to the same conclusion, so I would imagine that things are starting to fall into place for you.

      Stay strong, and always work to improve yourself and become the best person you can be at this moment in time.

  6. Julie 6 October 2015 at 9:43 am #

    I fell in love hard and fast with I believe to be the love of my life. We dated for 9 months and spent every day together. He cheated on his wife for years and then decided to make the move and separate after 26 years together. We meet and life was wonderful. My ex suffers from Bipolar in which I was very supportive and tried to understand his thoughts process which was at times difficult. We had several disagreements and arguments but always loved each other and would work things out. We were planning on moving in together and marriage. Then our past relationship experiences came out and destroyed everything. He couldn’t cope with his past cheating and believed I deserved better, and he walked away. I text each week to see if he’s ok, he said he will always love me and is struggling. He isn’t enjoying his life since we broken up, I’m confused and fine it hard to let go! This feeling of emptiness without him is painful. What’s the best move for me to take

    • philosiblog 8 October 2015 at 11:17 pm #

      Thanks stopping by, and for sharing your experiences.

      A good relationship is impossible without good communications. You seem to have that already, so keep that up. Discuss with him what can be done to repair the relationship. Tell him how you feel, and how you miss him, and find out how he is doing. You may need to start again, and rebuild the trust for the relationship to bloom again.

      Just remember to stay strong, and to not give up on him while there is still hope.

    • lisa 9 October 2015 at 8:37 pm #

      I would stay in contact with him and be there as a friend its not what u want but if u still talk he might come around ! I find it weird he broke up with u because he cheated on his ex! There’s more to this he not saying maybe he cheated on u ! U just don’t walk away from someone for their past relationships! Good luck

  7. Tyra stewart 30 October 2015 at 11:01 pm #

    This is crazy and after this you might think I’m crazy we’ll this is a long story so bare with me SO I’m in middle school and many people say young people don’t fall in love and when they say they are there just saying that but well I’ve did a lot of research I’ve talked to so many people to figure this out and every time I’m always stuck so ….. this all started in 6 grade I met this boy we went friends at first but we had mutual friends which made us get to know one another a couple more weeks we started getting really close and talked mostly every time we saw one another at first when I first came to this school he had a girlfriend who never liked him she told everybody she was just using him for popularity which was kinda stupid but at that time he out of nowhere flirted with me which mad me start having feeling then him and his girlfriend broke up which I thought it was my chance so I told 2 people that I liked him and a couple days later he found out really after that he didn’t say anything which really hurtted but o well a then after a while we got really really close and when the school year was about to end he told one of his best friends that he liked me but he never asked me out on the last day of school his cousin had dared him to kiss me which he took one of my friends told me that he was gonna do that and that he always turned down a dare but he didn’t turn down this one so when the day was about to end he kissed me on the side of my lip and gave me a hug and told me he would miss me all summer he was the only thing I could thing about it was really weird because he told everybody that 7th grade year he would asked me out so 2015 this year 7th grade year were friends he gets me really confused he tells me he likes me and wants me to ask him out at the beginning of the year so I do and basically he says I have to get to my 7th period so i guess that was rejection we flirt a lot and when I say a lot I mean a lot but he’s really never told me how he’s felt now I’m moving and it hurts that I’m not gonna be able to talk see or smile at him anymore I’m really in love with him and im really confused please help tell me if will we ever meet again and meet each other please give me advice before I do something I regret

    • philosiblog 2 November 2015 at 12:08 am #

      Thanks for stopping by, and for sharing your story.

      If I am reading this correctly, you’re in 7th grade? You still have your whole life in front of you. Take your time, and see what life has to offer. You’ll never forget him, but there is still love enough in your heart to love another. My recommendation is to relax and let time pass. You will find others in your life, and enjoy their company, and you might even fall in love again. Actually, in the next five to ten years, you’ll find many people to love, and you will be just fine. If he wants to be distant, let him. There are plenty of fish in the sea. You’ll be fine. You are strong, and you have the strength to make it through this troubling time.

  8. nora 3 November 2015 at 5:19 am #

    this is my story
    my bf for almost 3 years broke up with me almost 3 months ago on a day we were actually going to watch a movie and have dinner and we had waited for this day for weeks because we both busy and we were so excited to finally go out. we had a fight on the way to our date so we decide to cancel everything and go back i got mad and told him i don’t want to see his face and we better break up but its not the firs time i say that.we actually argue alot but we always go back and talk after it’s like nothing happened. he called me the second day and i was still mad at him he begged me to not leave but i was overly mad so i said i can’t . after a week i contacted him after i calmed dawn but he was totally different person he never want me in his life no more. he love me and never want to leave me. i was so depress and i did crazy things like crying and begging him to stay but didn’t work at the first he said he needed some time alone,he act so weird because he doesn’t want me to do stupid things like i start to drink after the break up and he was so mad about it, but he go with girls who does that
    i get drank and called him he came like crazy when he knew i was drunk cuz i’m college student never done any drink in my life not ever lil it was my first time. i called him and told him im sick i need to go to ER he came right away. few weeks after the breakup he blocked me from fb after i realized he was talking and going out with another girl and when i faced him about that he said its his friend’s girlfriend in the past he never liked this girl and he was disappointed of the way she and her sister act around boys few days ago a friend of me and him saw him with the two sisters at hooka bar and he tried to avoid this friend never said hi to her. after a silent of almost a month he called me one night to ask if i’m talking bad about him infront of ppl i told him i talked about his new gf not him so he answered he has nothing to do with her! 3 days later on it was his birthday i was with my fam out for dinner just to see him walking to the restaurant with that girl holding hands as bf&gf so i walked to his table and spit my drink on his face without any plans.i figured he start dating this girl only 2 weeks after our breakup and i know he liked her body curves!!
    a year ago i had scarf he took it from me and hang it on his car when i want this thing back he gave it to me but when i said i will get rid of it he took it back and he said he want to keep it, but he refuse to talk to me what so ever i gave him all his gifts back and when i asked his cuzin she said everything still the same way you left it he never touched them.
    i don’t feel the same anymore i’m not hurt like the beginning of the breakup but what always hurt me the thought of how comes he replaced me that fast and with the only girl that he know and everyone knows her history!! he seems happy i can’t believe he never thought about me after all what we had … i need to listen to ur opinion on my story
    thank you and sorry if it was long ….

    • philosiblog 10 November 2015 at 6:46 pm #

      Thanks for stopping by and for sharing your story.

      It sounds like he has turned away from the relationship. It looks like you have tried a number of things to get his attention, but have not succeeded. Perhaps he chose that girl because of how he thought it might impact you and your behavior.

      What I would ask you to consider is your own personal growth. You have identified a few behaviors you might want to work on improving. Can you explain you so ‘argue alot’, or get mad at him? You say you then get back to together ‘like nothing happened’, but what if he didn’t think the same? Your behaviors, it appears, drove him away. Until you change yourself, I don’t see how you can get him back until you change significantly. That may take time, and will take considerable effort. What is it worth to you, to improve yourself? What do you think your future holds if you continue to be the same?

  9. bill 7 November 2015 at 5:00 pm #

    Had to write on this topic I just broke up my grilfriend now I’m trying to get back with her but she not having it she can’t trust me anymore cause i pack all my stuff she think i would do it again if i got frustated and anger and im tellin her no i want ill come to you first and tell u whats up me and her been together for 8 months she didn’t have a job for 4 so I was there supporting her and her kids when I left her house had intentions of leaving but 1hr later I regret that I and realize I would be leaving my family that I love I did that my bags where in my car so I been apoligizeing still payin the bills showing her I didn’t want to break up I’m sorry but she won’t let be back in there lives or stay there anymore so I been sleeping in my car or motels hoping she would see that I never wanted leave just left cause of my anger an frustration… so I see now that she doesn’t Want me back anymore

    • philosiblog 10 November 2015 at 11:56 pm #

      Thanks for stopping by and for sharing your story.

      Yes, it sounds like she doesn’t want you back, probably for the reasons you mentioned. If you are serious about the changes you want her to notice, you have to understand what you have done has not achieved the result you want. I don’t know if she is even open to seeing you again, but you have pointed out that you sometimes do things which you later regret. I would focus on fixing that, and any other things which you feel need to improve in your life. As you become a better you, a better person, you will naturally find people who admire that in you. Whether she ever will, only time will tell. But for now, you know at least one thing you need to improve, so focusing on that would seem the best way forward at this time. What happens later is beyond our ability to control.

      Stay strong and work on yourself, not for her, but to become a better version of yourself. That may or may not be enough to get her back, but in the end, you can only control what you choose to do. Stay focused, and get busy!


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