If you love something, let it go. If it comes back to you, its yours forever. If it doesn’t, then it was never meant to be.

If you love something, let it go. If it comes back to you, its yours forever. If it doesn’t, then it was never meant to be. - Unknown

Twoo Wuv. I mean “True Love.” From the movie The Princess Bride.

What does that mean?
To me, this quote is speaking of the most fundamental rule of the universe. Love isn’t owned and cannot be taken. It can only be given. This quote talks about mutual love and of the only valid test. If you love someone, you have to give them the freedom to choose for itself.

The freedom to choose is important, as sometimes a love is out of duty, loyalty, fear (of loneliness or retaliation) or for some other reason. In each of these cases, the love (true love) is only in one direction, the other direction of love is tainted by the reason for the love (something other than true love).

By turning the other person loose, they if they come back, it is (one hopes) because they love you, and the feeling is mutual. If they don’t come back, you would only have been fighting a losing battle to hold on to them. That is a battle that you will eventually lose, so lose it early and get on with your life.

Why is love (true love) important?
Let’s start with some definitions, shall we? Love is defined at thefreedictionary.com as “A deep, tender, ineffable feeling of affection and solicitude toward a person, such as that arising from kinship, recognition of attractive qualities or a sense of underlying oneness.” and “An intense emotional attachment, as for a pet or a treasured object.”

Another definition to consider is infatuation, which is defined as “A foolish, unreasoning or extravagant passion or attraction (synonym of love).” If we look at the second definition listed for love, and apply it to people instead of pets or objects, you can see how it would resemble infatuation.

To me, this is where I differentiate true love from common love. True love (you may use a different word) is between two people and is mutual in nature and based on the calling of the heart. Compare this with a relationship where one person has a form of love for the other, but it isn’t mutual. If you’ve ever experienced both kinds, you probably have a definite preference for what I call true love, right?

Where can I apply this in my life?
We all have relationships in our life. Some even rise to the level that makes it appropriate to use the word love. Whether it’s familial love, brotherly love, romantic love or whatever other label you may have, putting the word love in it, takes it to a whole new level.

How do you measure love, and what are the rules you expect love to use? What are the do’s and don’ts? Does everyone have the exact same list? Do you talk about where things stand often enough to notice that things are drifting apart, or is your first clue their last act of desperation?

An interesting description of what I consider true love, with proper motivation, can be found in the New Testament, 1st Corinthians, Chapter 13, Verses 4-7 :

4 Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5 It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6 Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7 It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

Read the whole passage, and compare it to some of the people you love. How well does your love score by this measure? I try to keep track of my loves and keep track of how well I am doing. How often have you measured your love? It’s not something most of us do very often, if ever, right?

You may have a different way to measure love, and that’s fine. Just be sure that your partners in love know what your scale is, so that everyone is on the same page. My wife and I chose the Biblical passage above for our wedding, so we would know how to measure our behavior and our love.

Take some time to determine what your definition of love is and how it is to be measured. Then share it with the people you love and see if they agree. It might end in a lively discussion (or worse), but if that’s the case, that discussion will occur eventually, right? Do it now, before there are years of resentment built into it, and that way the hurt may be lessened and may be easier to heal.

This is probably the scariest of all the quotes I have tackled, from a practical standpoint. Who wants to take a chance at losing someone they love? But, as the quote says, if they don’t come back, it wasn’t meant to be. So by not taking that leap of faith and turning them lose, you may end up pouring a lot of time and effort into a relationship that is destined to fail. And that hurts a lot more. Trust me on that one.

From: Twitter, @Quotes_on_Love
confirmed at : http://www.quotes.net/quote/18405
The photo is scaled and referenced from the IMDb entry for “The Princess Bride” (1987) by MGM

About KC King

I am a thinker, who is spending some time examining those short twitter quotes in greater detail on my blog.
This entry was posted in love and tagged , , . Bookmark the permalink.

791 Responses to If you love something, let it go. If it comes back to you, its yours forever. If it doesn’t, then it was never meant to be.

  1. Haven says:

    Thank you guys at least u make me feel better.

    Its been a week since i decide to let her go. Ma eyes cant stop tearing this is ol wat i can do for the sake of us. She is ma first love, even if i wasn’t hers i intended to be her last. I did every thing to let her stay with me and live together but some times, Things didn’t work out like we planned to. I couldn’t stop dropping my tears when ever i heard a love songs still now, the time we spent together, the joy that we had, the trip that we took, every thing comes to my mind and i became defenseless and weak.

    Its true that we can’t clap with one hand, so This is it, I wanna see the result of “If you love something, let it go. If it comes back to you, its yours forever. If it doesn’t, then it was never meant to be.”

    • philosiblog says:

      The sad is part of life. It will pass. Remember what happened with fondness, and move on with your life. You cannot control what she does, and she may or may not come back. That is not yours to decide.

      In the mean time, what do you plan to do with your time? If all you do is listen to the radio and cry, how will you ever improve? Will a wound which is constantly picked at ever heal? You have much to do, and now you have some time in which to do it. Improve yourself, become a better person because you deserve it.

      Stay strong, grieving is a natural process, and it will fade with time. You never stop loving that person, you simply move on, and make room in your heart for someone else. Learn from the experience, and become a better person for having known them.

    • Sandy says:

      If she really loves you. She will try everything. Don’t forget that you have to do something too if she want to hook up sometime’s. She will be insecure about your feelings because you let her go..

    • broken says:

      hello dear ,

      i have the same issue :

      i falled in love with a girl in a strange way , she is the 6th girl in my life , but this time is different , i cannot move on because she is sitting beside me at work , right now she is sitting beside me and i cannot have her , she told me i have no feelings for you , i am awesome all girls love me at work , but i cannot have her !!!

      i have no confidence any more , i want to scream now in front of all that i love her .

      all what i have did is giving her a space she may feel something for me , i do not sent anything to her at her mobile , but she keep sending to me where are you and so on ,…

      i do not know what to do , i even cannot have her as a friend i’m so fucking in love , i cannot move on because everyday i see her .

      • philosiblog says:

        Thanks for commenting and for sharing your story.

        It sounds like there is confusion between the two of you about feelings. It sounds like you want her as much more than a friend, but that she wants to be a friend first. Unless I misunderstand you.

        If that is the case, you may have to choose between ignoring her completely or taking things at as slow a pace as she is willing to move. If she is sending basic texts to you, are you willing to respond? Or are you having difficulty controlling yourself? If so, that may be the first thing you work on, right? It doesn’t mean you love her any less, it just means you have to control your urges and keep things calm. It isn’t always easy, but it can be done.

        I hope that helped, but if I misunderstood something, please feel free to straighten me out.

  2. Francis says:

    So I met this girl 3 years ago in highschool & we instantly fell in love , & one day she lied to me about talking to this guy on Facebook , wasn’t nun serious but she lied to my face about it then I broke up w her because I felt like she probably cheated on me or if everything she ever told me was a lie so she started crying at school & I took her back & because I couldn’t trust her anymore I ending up cheating on her because I ddnt know how to deal w the pain & she eventually found out n was hurt & cheated on me back & after I found that out I was hurt more even thought I knew it was my fault , basically she still hasn’t forgave me for anything & still says she doesn’t know how to let go but I’ve forgiven her for everything she’s ever fine & 3 years later we have a child but she still hasn’t let go & I can still see the pain in her eyes & she’s starting not to really cmover anymore & really even talk to me , the past 2 years it’s been like I’ve been the only one giving my all & it’s like she’s not even really there or even trying . I do everything for her but she doesn’t really see or appreciate it… She’s recently said we should stop texting each other because she doesn’t feel the same but she still continues to text me here n there n say wyd & I love you , & it makes it even harder on me because we have a daughter & I kinda thought after she was born she’d snap out of it… But clearly she’s not letting go of the past so we can move on & be happy again but idk what to do , I’ve basically tried everything but nothing I say or do has helped her forgive or let go … It wasn’t hard for me to forgive her & give her my all again because she’s who I wanna spend the rest of my life with … But she’s been holding on to the past for 2 years now & idk what to do & it’s hard because I’m truly still inlove w her …

    • philosiblog says:

      That is a sticky situation. Understand that you can only control your actions. She will do what she will do, and you can’t control that. You can try to influence it, but it sounds like there are some issues with that as well.

      Now comes the hard part; this quote no longer applies in your case. You have a child. You have a responsibility to that child, even if the mom is a bit of a flake.

      The relationship you describe sounds like more than the two of you can handle, and it is certainly more than I can handle. I would strongly recommend you find a counselor of some form to help you work through your issues. It sounds like there is still resentment on her part. That will need to be cleared up before she can move forward. For the sake of your child, I would recommend you do what you can to create a stable home for them.

      It won’t be easy, but I believe you owe it to your child. Stay strong, and work towards the strongest family you can manage. That’s the best I have for you. Please seek competent, professional help.

  3. Confused says:

    The girl I loved (and still do) just texted me that she just wants to be friends. If it was meant to be she will come back, but I don’t know how to wait and I can’t bear the thought of her texting and flirting with other guys. I don’t think I can handle it…

    • philosiblog says:

      Time to find your inner strength. It is there. It might not be easy, but that’s the way it is. Either be strong, or die. Is there really any other choice?

      She has made her decision for the moment. What will you do? Take some time to work on improving yourself, not for her, but for you. You deserve to be the best person you can possibly be at this time. Work on it. Try something new, or improve something.

      If you sit by the phone, waiting for that call or text, you will be miserable. Go out and live your life. And be strong.

  4. James says:

    Well It has been about 3 weeks since I gave an update, I have not heard from her at all, however I did send a hand-written letter to her explaining that I still love her and that I want her in my life, but also understand that if I don’t hear from her I will know why. I have fixed my issues and am now at peace with where I am in life, not having her around still hurts and I do cry because I do miss and love her dearly, but I have faith things will come around when they are ready to. I will post again when something comes up!

    • philosiblog says:

      Nice to see you have found some stability in your life. The question I have for you is this: What are you doing to improve yourself? Not because you think it will help win her back, but because you need to do it, to become a better person.

      Stay strong, there is no telling how long your wait will be. In the meantime, may I recommend that you work to become the best person you can possibly be? Why? Because you deserve to be the best. Nothing less.

  5. James says:

    i am currently on the market for a guitar – have a few family members who play and looking to learn a new instrument, Also have been working out quite a bit – cardio only at this point but I have found a few sports leagues that I plan on getting back into this summer. I have been working a lot as well to get some financial stability, mentally I feel stronger then I have in a while. Don’t really care if anyone notices or not, I have noticed myself and that is the important thing. Being on your own forces you to do things you normally wouldn’t ; I feel like I am thriving in life right now and good things will come my way , having faith and being positive has helped immensely, having this blog as an outlet for advice has been extremely helpful as well, I thank you for this forum.

    • philosiblog says:

      Excellent! Glad to hear that you are working on you, your issues as well as your desires. I have always found music profoundly relaxing, both listening, as well as playing/singing. Keep up the good work, and I am always glad to help.

  6. Ned says:

    Been kinda contemplating bout should i try to find closure wit a friend who i have a crush on. We started out as jus people at church who chat a little bit tgen leave. We eventually became friends n then became so close of friends that people believed us to be in a relationship but we were only friends. As time went on, she was in a relationship wit someone n that eventually broke away. We still were friends then n she had even told him we were friends n nothing more n he never brought it up because of tge mutual respect that was there. Anyways, we became closer as friends with the long night talks, occasional flirting n going out (somewhat as a date but still friends). But i believe somewhere down that line she began to get feelings for me n i did for her. I eventually asked her bout us dating n she basically said now is not good for her because she has to work on herself n it wouldn’t be fair to me for her not to be fully committed. So i took that n kept moving on but we still were friends. Sometime before this, i began to feel her pull away from me. So one night i asked y she push away n she said she had been ignoring me because she didnt want me to feel like she was leading me on. On tht same night, i said something that crossed her n had her mad at me for three weeks. I hated it. Now we are back on good terms. I still miss our long night talks n fun times together. But i haven’t jus died out. Im back in school while passing, getting back in shape as well. She is still constantly on my mind. We talk but not like we used to. Ive let go of dating n moved on with my life to improve me. I jus want her so bad as mine but if shes meant to be mine then someway itll happen. rt

    • philosiblog says:

      It sounds like it’s not the ideal place for you, but it could be worse. Keep strong, and keep busy. Improving yourself is a gift from the you of the present to the you of the future. Make it a good one.

  7. misty says:

    Well, he called me 3 days ago telling me he loves me misses me and wants a relationship with me. I agreed. We are now bf and gf yet he told me he is not about to jump in head first like before but wants us to have a fresh start. He doesnt text like before or call. He is on fb alot! I say I love him all the time (first) he says it back but I am waiting on him to say it first. He has a roomate they seem to do alot together, I see him as a distraction as boys like to hang out. He said we dont live together. I did say we are now in a relationship need to comminicate. Not sure how to go about this. He said he called me it took alot for him to do that, all I hear him say.

    • philosiblog says:

      Well, it looks like you have a second chance. It also sounds like he has a few rules. You will need to consider the consequences of not following his rules, as he must consider the consequences of not following yours.

      You might want to start by acknowledging how much it may have taken for him to have called. Perhaps you could set up a day-time date on a weekend or a free afternoon and spend some time together talking about the relationship and the rules. The way I see it is you can either talk about them at the beginning, or argue about them at the end. What has your experience been?

      If you try to control his life and what he does with his time, I can’t see it lasting. Most people don’t like to be ordered around, right? He will likely resent it, and that won’t help the relationship, will it? Part of a relationship is setting aside your desires for the greater good of the relationship. That can be difficult at times, but if you can both give a little, you can get a lot.

      Stay strong, and be smart about what you do.

      • misty says:

        And another turn of events, the place I was going to rent fell through and he suggested I stay with him until something else comes my way. He isnt the same guy he was once. Moving into this place that had his ex there is hard on me, more like I am having a hard time being comfortable. I know I cant compare yet when he isnt the same as before (sharing his feelings etc) I take it personal. I want to love sooo bad but its hard to do when he doesnt give it back. Any advice will be helpful.

      • philosiblog says:

        It sounds like he still cares, but that is different from love. It looks like he isn’t willing to give you what you desire. Have you talked to him about it, in a direct manner? He may not know what he means to you, and think you’re just a friend and that you’re OK with that. Start with clear communication, and then be willing to abide by the decision. You can’t force him to be what he once was. People change.

      • misty says:

        Yes I have shared he simply says I am not putting my heart out there anytime soon. We are bf/gf and he does do nice things yet emotionally he just isnt there. He did say he is trying to change but honestly I believe he holds the past in his heart. I have let go of having expectations from him. We use to have alot of fun sex now he says sex isnt his main focus, work is. Plus he has a bad back. Been reading that he may be emotionally unavailable/selfish man. When he drinks, watch out! I was hoping that living together would help us grow closer. I believe people are set set in their ways.

      • philosiblog says:

        I hope things get better for him, but you can always make things better for you. Keep working, reading, improving. What he does or does not do is beyond your control.

        Stay strong, and never forget who you are.

  8. James says:

    Yeah this seeme to be a great outlet for information I wouldn’t have normally gotten. I don’t know when that contact will come, but I am prepared for it and will not show any ill-will as I know it takes a lot for someone to admit they are wrong. I freely admit what I did was wrong back in January when she needed space, so we both have our faults. I have learne my lesson here and hopefully thinking positive and having a good outlook on life will be my rewards going forward. If she comes back It’s a huge bonus and I fully believe in the quote.

    • philosiblog says:

      Sounds like you’ve got a good attitude, and a plan. All that remains is to take action. And to remain strong no matter what life may throw at you.

      Thanks for stopping back and for the update.

  9. alaric says:

    so i have a girlfriend that is 17 she was dealing with a lot of things and heavy depression and was hurting her self and was put in shepherded Pratt fro two weeks her mom didn’t except the relationship at all and we got engaged and we said each other was are lives and now the day she came home i told her i loved her and her words were prove it and wait till she is eighteen and i said so we aren’t together anymore and she said we were still in a relationship it was just dorm-it and that she needed to fix her self and improve her grades and that we may or may not talk for the remaining 11 months so i haven’t had a really good time understanding what this means I’m 21 and i promised her id wait for her no matter what and i really love her as in truly are in love with her but is it possible that she really wants to be with me and keep it like that without talking for 11 months

    • philosiblog says:

      If you’ve gone that long without talking, I don’t think that you have a relationship anymore. Sorry, but I believe it is time to move on. If she can go that long without you, she has already left.

      Focus on yourself for a little bit as you get over the pain and hurt. Stay strong, and then begin your life anew.

  10. Flippa says:

    My boyfriend broke up with me some days ago, we fell in love instantly almost a year and half a go and since then we have had a roller coaster of emotions and break ups, and cryings and beggings and so on. Not for a second my love towards him changed ever.. I still love him with the same intensity that i fell in love with him. He makes me laugh he makes me cry he makes me angry and he makes me calm.. I just love this man the pure ture love. I believe we are eachother’s soulmate we are eachother’s childhood friends and we are eachother’s everything. Believe me i am not exagerating here, the same goes with him. But he tends to end the relationship whenever we have an argument..sometimes its a mild break up that doesnt last more than few hours, and sometimes it lasts for 2 or 3 days. But despite of him doing that quite often, when this happens each time i find myself heartbroken and miserable. I just can not see my life without this man anymore. Of course my life will go on and i will survive so to speak, but the sad part is there will be a gap a void in me that nothing else will fill except him! Some might say maybe you are not good for eachother and is best to end it for good. But to me this is the real thing we have everything at the same time but we dont how to use it. maybe this is a kind of childish love maybe its deeper love that happens with people in their fourties..i really have no idea. But i speak for my own behalf it is the real thing i have never experience such a force. I have experienced love before but not until i got to know him…right now its been 2 days we didnt talk. We have exchanged some text messeages and he is keep saying that is over. In the end i just accepted it and let him go, even if every single cell in my body screeming noooo. But i can not stop him if this is what he wants so he can have it. I wil love him anyway its just this missing part that is hard. But i have loads of photos and videos that i can watch whenever i miss him, even though they make me miss him even more… Oh God please i let him go but i am absolutely in love with this man and i’ll be waiting for him to come back to me. I know he loves me. Thanks for reading <3 love to you all

    • philosiblog says:

      If, after 18 months, it is still the same, then your relationship, however loving, is in trouble. Some time off to mature and get a little more stable will help you as a person. If the relationship is renewed, it will help you as a couple. But trying to go back in the way things are now, and do it over and over again, I believe that is just asking for trouble.

      If it is over (for the next few days, at least), take that time to focus on yourself and to try to figure out why you are so volatile. Is it just with him, or do you need to work on finding your center, and keeping calm in other situations?

      Stay strong, and continue to grow and improve yourself. Not for him, but because you deserve to be the best person you can possibly be. Always remember that, and always strive to be better.

      • Flippa says:

        Thanks for your reply, it warms my heart to know someome is listening. It has been like this from the begining and still the same. Sometimes we both wished we could just earase our memory from the time we got to know eachother so it would be easier to go on with our lives without having this love and the heartache to deal with. Love is strange and the bond we make even stranger.

      • philosiblog says:

        You may say that now, but years from now, once the pain has subsided, you will cherish the memories of the good times. I have heard it said that you never stop loving someone, you just move on to love someone new. That person will always have a special place in your heart. And that is something special.

      • Flippa says:

        Why am i so volitile? that was a good question, i have never come to think of exactly that. Generally i am a strong person with a strong will power, but when it comes to the matter of love specially with him, i am so weak and vulnrable. I try to reminf myself that even if he just vanishes from my life is just for the best and i will move on and find myself that i have lost since 18 months ago. But to my disappointment i have come to understand that, if he leaves for good i know eventually i wil be fine and be able to gain myself back. But the sad thing is each time he comes back i accept him with open arms and let him to do the same to me and to himslef. The amazing thing is that we are both 47 years old and both have grown up kids, but when we are together we are like two kids playing in a playground and each time we fall out based on the smallest things. For me its not the end because i know its just an argument and will pass, but each time he thinks this is the end and has to end it! And he blames me for everything. I think you are right we both need to have some time away from eachother to be able to see the things in a better pesrpective from distant. We already go through the pain so frequently so maybe we can exend the time to see what happens. There is one more thing i have to mention, bothe me and him we are terrified that the other person might encounter someone new and and lose the love or interest for good. I mean me terrified that he does and he does the same about me. Maybe thats why he always comes back running… Thanks for listening

      • philosiblog says:

        Thanks for taking the time to think about the question. It sounds like you might be better off without him, especially if he keeps blaming you for the problems. That, done regularly, appears to be a personality weakness, and that isn’t going to get better until he decides he needs to change. If that hasn’t happened by now, what do you think the chances are that it will?

  11. nate says:

    They come back. Mine did after 6 months. We dated 6 years. It took her to go and be with other guys to realize they did not do it for her. She came crawling back. Quietness is deadly. Just be quite and focus on yourself. I promise. Everything will be fine.

    • philosiblog says:

      Wise council from someone else who has been through this.

      It doesn’t always work out exactly this way, but it’s nice to hear from others with similar experiences.

    • Flippa says:

      Tahkns for your reply Nate, he always comes back just to leave again. I wished we had a stable love relationship.

  12. hopeless says:

    I needed to read this… I have been suffering. About three months ago I realized that I had fallen in love with my best friend and I told her. At first, she was taken aback, she was expecting it. In all honesty, neither was I. She told me she needed time to think and for the past several months it has been an emotional rollercoaster. She has been hurt very bad in her past and is extremely cautious if not closed off to letting herself be vulnerable again. I tried my best to be as patient and understanding as I could, but I realized that even though she refused to tell me she didnt like me or that she just wanted us to be friends she could not find the strength to being with me. So two days ago I told her that I could not wait anymore, that I cared for her but for my own sanity I needed to move on. But a large part of me is praying she comes back, that she realizes we are meant for each other. I am so confused, do I move on? Do I date others? Is this really how this ends, with a no answer from her?

    • philosiblog says:

      Sometimes no answer *is* the answer. Without her participation, you do not have a relationship. What else can you do but move on?

      That doesn’t mean you have to start dating immediately. You can take as much time as you need to get yourself pulled back together. Use that time to work on yourself, improving you for the sake of you. You deserve nothing less than the best, and that includes from yourself. Do you want to work on your mind, your body, a new skill, improving an existing skill, or trying something completely different?

      Stay strong. You are stronger than you imagine, and you will come through this. It might not end the way you might prefer, but each day is a step down the path of your journey through life. As unpleasant as some of those steps may be, they are necessary to get to the next step. You will get through the suffering and the pain. Life does that to us from time to time.

      Stay strong, and keep on working towards your future.

  13. Nouj says:

    Soo! I wanna try this thing too! There’s that guy whom I’ve been in love for over a year! He used to like me too but I don’t know how things ended up that way! I ve already confessed my feelong but i didnt get any answer!Till know we have met for 5 times! We kiss and all we almost slept with each other! But the relationship between us is not defined! But m kinda of sick of this situation! Shall try this thing out!? Let him go and see what happens afterwards!.?

    • philosiblog says:

      It doesn’t sound like he is all that into you, as the saying goes. It sounds like his heart has already wandered off, even if his body still stops by from time to time. It may be time to let go of the rest of him, and see what else is out there.

  14. Lala says:

    I used to understand this quote but now I don’t really understand it.

    Last year I met this amazing godly man. I have been dreaming of a character of godly man since I don’t know when, but last year I met him. And we hit it off. We grew in relationship, and for several relationships I’ve ever been, this relationship is the most genuine and stabil one, loving and mutual. It is the one you explain before. We serve in the same ministry and we grow together.

    But earlier this year, he broke it off because of the pressure from his parents. His parents do not approve this relationship because of culture. They havent even met me. So it was very emotional and I’ve been wondering since, like meeting a genuine godly man is rare, let alone someone who can make us fall in love, AND someone who falls for us as well. It has been two weeks since I decided to cut the contact and let him go but these days I’ve been missing him so much.

    So I don’t understand why God shows me true love just to take it away

    • philosiblog says:

      I won’t presume to talk for God, but if he respects his parents more than you, you will have trouble for the rest of your life. Anytime their wishes ran counter to yours, you would loose. That isn’t a relationship, is it? If your love meant something to him, he would behave differently.

      You said such meetings were rare, but that also implies that it can happen again. Hopefully you will find a man next time, not a child still held in thrall by his parents.

      In the meantime, consider what you can do to improve yourself. Just as you deserve the best man for you, you also deserve the best you. But the only person who can help you improve is yourself. Stay strong, and work on improving yourself. It is my belief that things will work out eventually. Have patience, and have faith.

  15. steve says:

    I would like to thank you author, not sure if people can recognize that you are showing care and support towards people who are very hurt & vulnerable. You give me more faith in humanity, i am also recently bereaved of my loved one i was in a bad time during my life i had depression, no aspirations or life direction, i also have trust issues, a wonderful woman came along and showed me love and i took it for granted, and now shes gone. Despite my efforts in attempting to get her back she resists as she does see me as the person she fell in love with, i know she loved me deeply, i just hope i can remind her of our strong love we had for each other, i have attempted to contact her but she resists. Its hard but i have to let go and hope she remembers the amazing love we shared together. Thank you for your blog i feel at peace

    • philosiblog says:

      Thanks for stopping by, thanks for the kind words, and thanks for sharing your story.

      You cannot force her to love you. While you await her return, what will you do with the time now on your hands? You listed a few issues you were facing. How are you doing with them now? What else can you do to improve yourself, and heal your own issues? What can you do to improve your issues with trust, one of the things you mentioned?

      We are all imperfect beings. But that doesn’t mean we can’t get better. You deserve to be the best person you can become right now. Work on improving yourself, and see where that leads you. You might win her back by becoming someone she could love again, or you might find someone else to share your life.

      And remember that you are stronger than you can imagine. Use that strength every day to help yourself, and to help others.

  16. Ryan Gretchen says:

    She left me last summer and it was horrible, the period after that was the worst time in my life, i felt so strongly towards her and couldn’t let her go, i kept kidding myself that i had let her go but it’s hard, in february she came back to me, i let her back in because i realised i’d never be able to truly stop loving her and we’re very happy now, but she has her issues, she gets very depressed and has anxiety issues and i can’t always help which kills me. When we were apart she sort of went a bit off the rails, she broke up with me in the first place because of depression and ‘knots in her stomach’ it’s hard for me to understand but i believe now that she never stopped loving me, and she’s always said that was true. But while we were apart she became extremely depressed and became a different person, she slept with a few people during that time and it’s even hard writing that because just thinking about it makes my stomach turn and makes me feel a bit sick. Sometimes even though we’re happy now i think about it and it makes me really sad, i can’t really talk to her about it because it’ll make her feel awful and she gets depressed easily as it is and i can’t bear to be the one making her sad. Any advice on how to get over this feeling by myself because once i’ve done that i’ll have no worries and me and her can just focus on being happy and in love.

    • philosiblog says:

      Thanks for stopping by and for sharing your story.

      It sounds like she has issues which would best be suited to a professional, have you talked to her about seeing someone? Even a support group might be useful for her, or for you.

      As for her past, the interlude if you would, do you need to discuss it? You both seem to understand that she was not herself when it happened. Can you understand that she made a mistake while under personality-altering levels of stress? Can you simply let it go? Was it really her in the first place, or was it really someone else?

      I think all you need to do is to give yourself permission to be over it, and you will be. Yes, there will be times when you get irritated about it. There may even be times when you are tempted to use it in an argument. Try to let go of those feelings. If you focus on the future, yours personally, hers, and together, you can simply be happy and in love.

      If you find an obstacle in your path, ask yourself if you have to move it, or if you can simply walk around it, and leave it behind you. What is this issue to you, truly? Can you walk past it and put it behind you? If you can, then you make everyone’s life simpler, right?

  17. James says:

    Well this past wednesday I sent an email trying to open lines of communication. basically saying ” hey I’ve been thinking about you a lot; meet up for 20 minutes over a drink to catch up? you pick the time and the place; i’ll be there” no response as of yet, but I did forget there is notifications on the account when read or opened. I ahev recieved 9 since wednesday night. No response back though. am I reading too much into this? or is she planning a response back? any thoughts are welcome

    • philosiblog says:

      I don’t know. How often does she usually check that account? Do you know if you’re on a blacklist or otherwise blocked from her even seeing the e-mail?

      Give her what you feel is an appropriate amount of time, then try getting her attention in some other way. A text, a note, or by way of a mutual friend, ask if she got the e-mail. That response should tell you what you need to know. Who knows what she is expecting of the meeting or what she thinks your motives are.

      Good luck with your inquiries, and remember to stay strong. She might not be ready yet, but keep working on improving yourself while you wait. It might be a while, you never know.

  18. Sanjeeb Chowdhury says:

    i am deeply in love with my gf.we both have sacrificed a lot for each other to not let go as we are in one side and the world around us are against of our relation.but still we are in relationship.today we had a fight as i was smoking and she was against it because she dont want me to be like her father.but i had to stand 9hrs to see her and talk in train.i had to stand because if i sit down i would be unable to see as she with her father and so avoiding her father i had to stand in one side so that her father dont see me and she can see me and can answer my question in sign language.i scold her that my sacrifice pain of standing doesnt matter u but my bit smoking mattered u and she was quiet..so wat was this?does she love me truely?was my scolding correct?

    • philosiblog says:

      I can’t tell you what is correct or not. But it sounds like you have to decide which is more important to you, her, or smoking. It sounds like she is quite insistent about that, so you probably don’t have the choice of both, it will likely be one or the other.

      As for standing, if she is worth it, you would walk across broken glass and smile. If not, you may have the wrong girl. Just something to think about.

  19. HollyN says:

    Heres my situation:
    I met this guy through a mutual friend. We didnt really notice eachother at first.. then two months passed by. He messaged me. We hung out.. then started dating in Jan 2012. It was amazing. the first year an a half we were in love, then we just kind a started drifting apart, on and off again. I was in love… then end of 2013 is when it started to go down hill. I basically had to beg him to spend time with me… Then after the holidays i decided to let us have a break, I hate breaks. I figured he needed time. So two days after the break… he calls and says i dont want this at all anymore.. of course im devastated. Ive been so upset for the past 5 months. calling 100 times a day practically/texting/begging/pleading/doing anything to try and win him back from january till beginning of march.. all my friends say let him alone. hes not coming back. he is annoyed. he says stop bugging me about getting back together stop talking about us. It hurst.I loved him so much. I dont know what to do… Ive went no contact with him for a week. and then cracked and talked and asked him about us again, he gets annoyed, then i go no contact for another week, but i cant make it past a week. Ive waited 4 months.. I just want to know if he will come back.. He is the love of my life. I think about him all the time. He was in love with me deeply and talked about the future and believe me we were on the same page for a year an a half. We never cheated on eachtoher or never did anything wrong. he just said he lost feelings for me. and he needed space and i felt the need to express my love and do everything to make him love me again. I dont know what to do anymore.. Ive tried everything.

    • philosiblog says:

      People change with time. That is a fact of life. Some draw closer, others drift apart. You seem to have managed to get in a relationship where you did the former, and he did the latter.

      My guess is that you have not helped your position by being needy and begging, pestering, etc. It sounds like he has moved on. You now face a choice. You can pursue him, at least until he takes out a restraining order (I’m joking, I hope you’re not that crazy), or you can step back and take a deep breath.

      The more you chase him, the farther you drive him away. That won’t get you to where you want to be. Letting go isn’t easy. But it looks like it has to happen. He has already done so, and now it is your turn. The only question is what will you do with your time? Will you stare at the phone and cry? Or will you find something interesting you always wanted to do, but never had the time? Take up a hobby or improve at something you already do. Travel, take up or improve another language, there are plenty of options at a variety of costs in time, effort, and cash.

      In my opinion, you are either improving, or you are degrading. There is no such thing as staying exactly the same. If you sit by the phone, you will be degrading. Instead, I urge you to find something useful and helpful to occupy your time. Even something like taking long walks is better than sitting next to the phone.

      With time, you will not only get better, but the pain will begin to recede. You will never stop loving him, but the hurt will slowly fade. In time, you will look back on the pleasant things and remember only those. It may be a few decades, but it will happen.

      You are stronger than you know, take charge of your life, and do something amazing with it. Not to lure him back, but because you deserve to be the best, and do the best things. The choice is yours.

Leave a Reply