Anger is never without Reason, but seldom with a good One. – Benjamin Franklin
What does that mean?
Anger is frequently seen, and it almost always claims to be justified. However, as Ben rightly states, the reason that is given, it is seldom a good reason.
This is because the reason we tell ourselves that anger is justified rarely seems as good of a reason to others as it does to ourselves. In this saying, Ben is arguing for caution when bringing forth the emotion of anger.
Why is caution important?
Caution, especially when used to temper powerful emotions, is a very prudent thing to do. Caution is a function of logic, and logic is usually considered the opposite of emotion.
By exercising some logic before getting excessively emotional, one hopes to prevent becoming overly emotional. Anger is one of those emotions that can easily come on a person, and without caution, can overwhelm a person.
At thefreedictionary.com, caution is defined as “Careful forethought to avoid danger or harm,” and “Close attention or vigilance to minimize risk.” Again, caution is listed as logic being used to provide a buffer against danger, harm or risk.
While there is such a thing as too much caution (think timid), more people seem to suffer from a lack of caution than from an abundance of it. This post, therefore, doesn’t apply to the truly timid people out there.
Where can I apply this in my life?
Are you a person who would often “fly off the handle” or are otherwise considered hot-headed? Do you get angry often, or allow your anger to flare uncontrolled? It’s more common than most people think.
My case was actually quite mild by comparison to some I have seen. I was able to deal with my anger issues with diversion techniques and logic. But it depended on early detection of situations that might bring out the anger. Since then, I have become a person who reaches to caution as a first resort, and not to anger.
There are many places to get help with anger issues. There are many free programs available, as well as personal education classes. There are online resources as well as books, CDs & DVDs that can help. Look around and find the help you need and is appropriate for you.
Ask yourself if there are certain times when you get angry more than others? Some people are really irritable on Mondays or before their third cup of coffee. Are there certain situations where you are more defensive than others? Do some topics of discussion seem to bring out the worst in you? Grab some paper and answer each of the questions and see if you can find a pattern.
When I did this exercise (many years ago), I found a few topics and some situations that would bring out the worst in me relatively easily. I learned to avoid those topics, situations and places. I don’t go to bars. If certain topics come up, I try to change the subject, and if that doesn’t work, I excuse myself. If pressed for a reason why, I simply state that the topic makes me very agitated and then I leave.
If you found some situations that tend to make you more angry than others, can you find a pattern? Is there something similar between them? If so, you can get more ‘bang for the buck’ by going to the root cause. For me, anger showed up most often at parties and in bars. The root cause was alcohol, my use and the use of it by others. The simple solution was to avoid alcohol, and the bulk of my problems disappeared.
Are there topics that get you angry? How can you avoid the topic? What can you say if the topic is raised? You can let your friends know that you don’t want to discuss the topic, but someone else might bring it up. I would excuse myself to use the bathroom, and if pressed, I would simply state that the topic made me very emotional and I didn’t want to be a part of the conversation. Then I would walk away.
What worked for me might not work for you, as we’re all a little different. The important part is to exercise caution when the possibility of an angry response exists. Learn more about yourself and work on making caution, instead of anger, the first step in those situations.
And if you do get angry, make sure it truly is for a good reason. Ben thanks you, I thank you, and your friends thank you.
From: Twitter, @motivation
confirmed at : http://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/quotes/b/benjaminfr382924.html
Photo by aarongilson
