Being honest might not get you a lot of friends, but it will always get you the right ones. – John Lennon
What does that mean?
This quote is about a quality which I have fairly strong feelings: honesty. I believe that anyone who expects you to lie to them has at least an ego problem, if not many others.
This quote states that being honest will likely cost you a number of friends. Telling people the hard truths will offend some. That’s OK. If they walk out of your life in a huff, even better.
The ones who leave, they weren’t really friends, were they? They may have been close acquaintances, but my definition of a friend requires an ability to tell and receive the truth, even the ones which are a little unpleasant.
The quote ends by saying that the ones who remain, those are your true friends. They can take the truth, although they may give you some coaching on tact afterwards. These are the people who are strong enough to take the truth, and to give it back to you, when you need it most.
Why is the truth important?
Can you imagine what your life would be like if none of your friends were honest with you? Even total strangers would be better friends than a bunch of people who acted as if they were allergic to the truth! That wouldn’t work out very well, would it?
How could you trust your friends, if you felt they wouldn’t tell you the truth? How could you rely on them, if you weren’t sure if they were being honest? Would they do something, or just say they would, and then not do it? You’d be second guessing and stressing yourself half to death, right?
Instead, we want to surround ourselves with people we can trust, at least within reason. And the truth will cause friction, that’s pretty much a given. Not everyone will be pleased with what what you are going to tell them. To me, that is their problem, not mine.
But in a world increasingly focused on image and appearance, having someone who will give it to you straight is refreshing. All that remains is to figure out who is willing and able to take the truth, and to fine tune your delivery thereof (referred to as tact, or so I have been told).
Where can I apply this in my life?
I would hope you apply this often, and in nearly every portion of your life. Now I will point out that there are some questions which are not so much a request for an honest answer as a trap. “Does this dress make me look fat?” is a classic example of the trap, posing as a question.
People who know me usually know better than to ask me the question. Depending on my mood and the relationship we have, a question like that could get any number of responses. At the high end of the tact scale would be a suggestion regarding a different dress. See how that works?
Tact says that you should be honest, but only as brutal as absolutely necessary. A truly brutal response to the dress question might be that it isn’t the dress, but last night’s cheese cake, that is making you look fat. But you need a special relationship to get a way with that answer.
So when are you less than honest with your friends? When do you tell the “little white lie” to them? When does the “little white lie” turn into something more? How do you tell them the truth after giving them a story what wasn’t quite as honest as it probably should have been?
Honesty, and your level of comfort with it, is a lifestyle. Some people just can’t seem to tell the truth. They usually end up in jail or politics. The rest of us are on a scale somewhere between relatively honest to exceeding and excruciatingly honest.
Then there is the level of tact. Some can tell a painful truth in a suave and comforting manner. Others will hit you with the truth in a manner which is blunt and painful. Take a moment and consider where you are on these two scales, and if it is different depending on the circumstances.
Honesty is also a fundamental aspect of your character. Your character is who you are, what you believe, and how you behave. Your reputation is how others perceive your character. How do others know you, and if asked, how honest would they say you are? How tactful would they say you are?
Do you think you would be happy with their assessment of you? What would you want to change? How about the other way around? How would you rate your friends? Have you ever considered being honest with them about how you view their honesty?
We all have flaws. For many of us, absolute honesty isn’t something we will ever achieve. How close do you want to get? How much effort will you put into the effort? Will you try to find friends who appreciate your honesty?
Do your friends encourage you to be honest, or are you the most honest of the group? How does that impact your desire to be honest around them, or around others? Have you ever given these thoughts any consideration? Will you do so now?
From: Twitter, @Conservative_VW
confirmed at : http://www.goodreads.com/quotes/641429-being-honest-may-not-get-you-a-lot-of-friends
Photo by Harris Walker